The Shift

"I'm leaving you", the words came out of her mouth fast and strong. She had her head down, supported in her hands and was looking directly at the table top below her. He didn't say anything for a few seconds, there was just the white noise of the cafe around them. She looked up only as he inhaled to talk.

"What? What are you talking about? What do you mean? Sam we're getting married in three weeks, is this some kind of joke"? His brown eyes looked small as he squinted and his gaze was darting over her face to gauge her reaction. She smiled softly at him as she reached for his hand across the table.

"Michael please. I'm not joking around. This is so hard for me to do, especially now with the wedding and everything but look at us. Do you really not see that things have changed? You said it yourself a few months ago. You asked me if everything was okay.." She stopped talking as he pulled his hand away from her and lent back in his chair unconsciously creating some distance between them.

"Yea and you said it was all good. Sammy what are you doing? What are you saying?", he looked at her as if he no longer recognized her face, the same face he fell in love with five years earlier. He leaned across the table closer to her, holding her gaze. "I know what this is. This is nerves. Pre wedding jitters. Your mother warned me you might do this". He nodded his head as if remembering the conversation with her mother in his mind. She shook hers in return.

"Michael please. It's not nerves. I know it's a shock to just blurt it out like this but I know you know it's been coming. There's been this underlying uneasiness between us for months now, perhaps longer"

"Longer? Sammy really? You've been thinking this way for years?", he asked a little more loudly and heated, eyebrows raised and hands upturned. Samantha looked around the cafe to see who was now listening into their conversation and whispered her response.

"Shhhh....Michael lower your voice. Do you want everyone in here to hear this? No it's not been years, I just mean that there's been something not right between us for a while now and we just don't click anymore. We have different friends, different interests. Every time I look into my future....you're not in it. I don't mean that in a bad way, theres nothing in it! My mind is so foggy and confused and..."

"Ahh ok, ok so what Sammy? You're going to throw all this, everything we've had, our good and bad. You're going to throw it all out because you're confused? Wow that's a big decision. That's a real big decision. I guess it beats the whole 'it's not you it's me speech' huh?", he let out a sigh and looked away from her. He surveyed the cafe and its occupants for a few moments and she let him do so in silence. She really didn't know what else to say. She could go on of course, tell him about the spiritual journey she'd recently embarked on but something inside told her this wasn't the time. She just wanted to get this over with as quickly and gently as possible.

"Look if you need some time to process this I can stay with Vicky tonight and come get my things whilst you're at work. The main thing is Michael that I want us to be friends. I don't want there to be any hard feelings between us. You're an amazing person and I do love you very much it's just..."

"You're not in love with me anymore....yea I know how it goes. I'm upset Sam, I planned my life with you. I hope you know what you're doing 'cause there's no going back. If this is what you want then it's on you. You can tell everyone, you can sort out the wedding stuff. I can't deal with all that. The way I feel right now, I wish I could crawl into a dark hole and not come out for a week. How am I supposed to tell my parents? My family Sam?", he spoke with a melancholy tone and forced himself to hold back the tears. He watched as the first tear rolled down her left cheek, followed by dozens more. He felt a pain in his heart that he couldn't reach out and wipe them away for her.

"I have to go", he pushed his chair out noisily and stood to put his coat on.

"No, Michael wait...please", she stood and reached her arm out to stop him but he kept walking.

"Goodbye Sam", he said as he walked further away from her and out the door. She sat back down, wiping her tears away with the napkin under her hot chocolate. She didn't care now about the prying eyes and whispers around her. She sat for an hour or so, crying occasionally, wanting to chase after him and take it all back. But then there was something deeper. Another feeling that was stronger. That although it hurt right now and she questioned her decision, she knew deep down she'd done the right thing. She knew deep down she was finally happy.