Walls falling down

I have always been one to guard myself. I never let anyone all the way into my heart. I keep people at a distance. I find it much easier then getting hurt. I don't tell people anything about my life, at least nothing that is truly important. I fear that once someone knows about me they will use it against me anyway possible.
         Until one day when I met a man. He made my whole world change. He looked me in the eyes and smiled and there was nothing I could do. I was weak to him. I smiled back but couldn't even manage to get any words out. I have never been so nervous around the opposite sex before. It took many smiles between the two of us before we actually talked. But once we did I felt like I never wanted it to end. 
         My walls came down to him and I told him all sorts of things I have never told anyone before. Past boyfriends had never known as much about me as he learned within the first few weeks of knowing each other. He said he wanted to know everything and I believed him. I told him about my past and I saw on his face he didn't like it. It made me nervous but still I trusted him. I would look into his beautiful dark eyes and they were looking right back at me. Listening and absorbing every thing I had to say.
         I fell for him without evening trying. I fell for him fast. It made me nervous. I didn't know what to do.
         He had a girlfriend that he lived with when I met him. This I was not comfortable with. I figured he was only talking to me because he was physically attracted to me as well and wanted to have sex. But not long after we started talking he told me they were done, and still living together. My heart dropped. I felt like it fell all the way to the floor. How can you start something new if you are still living with your ex? It didn't make any sense to me. Did he even want to start something with me? Or was I being fooled the whole time?
          I tried to put my guard back up but it didn't work. All he had to do was look at me and smile and I went weak all over again. If he touched me it was even worse. I would tell him anything he wanted to know. I was falling head over heels for this guy that I barely knew. All my years of guarding myself and this guy walks into my life and rips down my walls within a matter of weeks. I felt so weak and helpless when it came to him . And the worst part was I liked it. I actually enjoyed it. I loved talking to him and hearing every thing he had to tell me too. I wanted to talk to him every day. And I wanted to see him as much as possible. But I didn't want to let him know how quickly I was falling for him.
         My friends starting catching on and asking questions. I lied to them and told them we were just friends. They all knew the truth even if I wouldn't admit it. They would tell me how nice it was to see me out with him smiling, laughing and truly enjoying myself. This scared me even more.
         I couldn't help myself any longer I wanted to hug him when I saw him, put my arm in his when he was standing next to me, kiss him whenever I wanted to and slip my hand in his when we were sitting next to each other. But I couldn't. Even though I wanted to he didn't want anyone to know about us. I was his secret...
         I tried to let myself be okay with it. I tried to pretend that I still wanted it that way too. I didn't. All I wanted was to get back in control. I didn't want to be weak to him any more. But I couldn't.  I was a fool for this smooth talking, perfect smile, beautiful man and I didn't care. I loved every minute of it. Even if things were going to end badly I didn't care. I liked him. Every thing about him.  And every time he would look at me and smile it didn't matter any more. Secret or not I was okay. This terrified me. I have never in my life been so taken by a man before...