Let Me Go

         At first I thought my mother was holding me, brushing my hair with her fingers. I seemed to be waking up from a dream I couldn’t remember. I felt safe, but I was cold, much too cold. I was wet, and suddenly very uncomfortable.  When I reached for my blanket, I grasped a handful of sand. Confused, I opened my eyes.

         I was still wearing my bathing suit, but a towel had been laid modestly over me. The sun had just begun to set, and I was vaguely aware that I should be getting home. I raised my head to take in my surroundings and shake the disorientation clouding my thoughts. I was lying on a secluded beach. The hand brushing over my head stopped.

         I sat up with a jolt, my muscles groaning. Sitting in front of me was a boy I had never seen before. My confusion only increased as he said my name.

         “Becca, how do you feel?”

         “I don’t know you.” It wasn’t a question.

         “I know.” The strange boy looked almost relieved. “You told me your name, right before you passed out.”

         “Passed out? Why did I pass out?” I asked as I tried to stand. However, a sharp pain behind my eyes brought me back down to the sand. “Oh my head!” I whined.

         “You drowned.” My eyes widened with shock. “I mean, you almost drowned.” He corrected. “I pulled you out of the water after you blacked out.”

         “You saved me? I don’t even remember getting in the water.” For the first time, I noticed the two empty wine bottles discarded a few feet away. “Was I drunk?”

         He did not answer. “What do you remember?”

         “I was coming to check the beach. I’m having my birthday party here tomorrow night. I got out of my truck, and then I woke up here, that’s all I remember.” All at once, I came to my senses. “Oh my God! I have to get home. My mom was probably expecting me home hours ago. What time is it anyway? I really have to go. Wait, I nearly drowned. Should I be driving? I need to go to a hospital.” I stood up, much more slowly this time, to leave.

         “Wait, wait!” The boy jumped up and stood in my path. “You can’t leave. You…” He floundered.

         “What?”

         “It’s hard to explain. Just stay. Please, I need someone to talk to.”

         “I’m sorry, but I really can’t.”

         “But I saved your life. Maybe you owe me?” He looked so conflicted. There was urgency in his eyes, and sadness. He looked so defeated that it almost broke my heart.

         “I….I mean I really, really have to go home, or to the emergency room. I’m not really sure which, yet.”

         “Please, not yet. Just give me an hour.” He could not have been a day over eighteen, and he seemed even younger in his desperation. I stared at him for a while, taking him in; this stranger, who claimed to have saved my life. He was tall, maybe just over six feet. I was vaguely aware of how attractive he was, which only added to the overall surrealism of the situation. He had messy black hair, and his eyes were the palest blue that I had ever seen. He was wearing a loose white t-shirt and faded blue jeans, both of which were spotted with water and sand.

         “Okay,” I melted, “one more hour can’t hurt. And you’re right, I do owe you at least that much, but can’t we go to my house or something?”

         “No, I want to stay here.”

         “But, it’s getting cold, and I’d really like to change clothes.”

         “Here, take this,” he said as he offered me a brown jacket, “and these, too.” He began to unbutton his pants.”

         “No, that’s okay!” I almost screamed.

         “It’s alright. I’m wearing swimming shorts.” He smiled as he shoved the jeans away from his hips, revealing black swim trunks.

         “Oh.” I giggled, trying to hide my embarrassment. “Won’t you get cold?”

         “No, I don’t really get cold.” He shrugged. I saw his determination to stay on the beach, and it defeated me. I slid into the jacket, and took the jeans from his outstretched hand. I felt a little better.

         “Alright, I’ll stay.” I was still disorientated “I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head, “you saved my life, and I haven’t even thanked you yet.”

         “Please, don’t mention it.” He insisted.

         “No, thank you. Really, thank you so much. I don’t even know how to…”

         “No, it’s fine, I understand. Anyone would have done it.”

         “I don’t know about that, but even so, thank you.” After a moment’s consideration, I leaned forward and wrapped him in a quick hug. As I stepped back, he forced a small smile. He sat down in the sand and crossed his legs in front of him.

         “Have a seat.” He offered, as he patted the sand. I sat down next to him, and we sat in silence for a few moments as he looked out at the lake. He seemed to be gathering himself to speak. “What do you have planned for you birthday tomorrow?” He finally asked.

         “Nothing extreme,” I replied, “just a little party. You know; beer, bonfire, music, that sort of thing.”

         “It sounds fun.”

         “I hope so. We’ve been planning this for, like a month.”

         “So, how old will you be?”

         “Seventeen,” I smiled.

         “I just turned nineteen last month.” He gave a sheepish half-smile. He turned to stare out at the water, and I took the opportunity to sneak a few glances at him. I had finally calmed down enough to appreciate how good looking he really was. His jaw line was sculpted beautifully, his lips were well shaped, and his eyes were slightly narrow and so serious, even when he smiled. He had the beginnings of a healthy summer tan, and he wore it well. I quickly began to inspect my fingernails, so I would not be caught staring as he looked over at me.

         “So, was there anything particular that you wanted to talk about?” I asked.

         “Yes and no, I suppose. Mostly I just wanted to get to know you a little better, or maybe I wanted you to get to know me.”

         “Well, I live with my parents. I’m an average student. I love running and swimming and hiking. I love anything that gets me outside, really. I love music but can’t sing or play, worth crap, and I drive a little truck that has definitely seen better days.” I finished, “Your turn.”

         “You are too trusting.”

         “Okay, that’s not what I meant,” I frowned, “and how would you know that?”

         “It’s just an assumption. You obviously trust me, or you wouldn’t have stayed.” He smiled.

         “Well, that’s still not what I meant. You’re supposed to tell me about yourself, not about me.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

         “You’re cute when you pout.” I could feel my cheeks burning. He laughed out loud. For the first time, he sounded completely at ease. “I’m sorry, but you have to know it’s true.”

         “That still does not tell me anything about you, other than the fact that you are a little brash.” I had to focus to keep from stuttering.  “I don’t even know your name.”

         “Rogan Summers.”

         “Rogan Summers, it is a pleasure to meet you.” I stuck out my hand, and he grasped it in one of his and gave it a polite shake.

         “The pleasure is all mine,” He laughed, “Becca….”

         “Rebecca Brownwood, but please keep calling me Becca.”

         “Miss Becca Brownwood.” He said with utter seriousness as he gave my hand one final shake. After we dropped hands, the hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and that was all it took to send the two of us spiraling into laughter.

         “Well, I guess I finally know something about you.” I said as my last bough of laughter ebbed away.

         “My name?”

         “No, that you’re really corny.” I joked.

         “Now who’s making assumptions?” He gently bumped me with his shoulder.

         “It’s not an assumption, it’s a fact.”

         “Right.” He grinned.

         “Seriously, I’m surprised that you didn’t try to kiss my hand.”

         “Like this?” He plucked my hand from my lap and pressed his lips swiftly to the back of it. For a split second, I froze, and then as the color crept back up into my cheeks, a nervous giggle escaped my lips.

         “Like I said,” I swallowed, trying to steady my voice as he cocked one eyebrow, clearly amused, “really corny.” To my dismay, he released my hand and took a deep breath.

         “What’s your favorite color?” He asked, conspicuously, changing the subject. He jumped from playful to somber so quickly that I could barely keep up. He was hard to predict, one minute we were sharing an intimate moment and the next we were strangers once more.

         “Green, like the leaves and the hills at the start of summer; it’s beautiful, I think.”

         “It’s almost summer time now.”

         “I know. This is my favorite time of year. “

         “Fall was my favorite.” He said as he turned his attention back to the lake, staring at its smooth surface.

         “It is not anymore?” I asked

         “No, that’s not what I meant. I guess it still is my favorite.” Rogan looked over to me and my face betrayed my confusion. “It’s hard to explain.” He offered.

         “You really do have a hard time explaining things, don’t you?”

         “Yes, at the moment, anyway.” His smile was contagious. We sat talking for hours, all night actually, although time slipped by deceptively fast. He was the most captivating person I had ever met. He was compassionate, charming, and hilarious, once he loosened up a bit. During those few hours, I finally understood the term “soul-mate”. Mirrored in my new friend, I saw myself or at least myself as I wish I could be. I felt a connection to Rogan that I had never before experienced. Long after the sun had set and I had begun to shiver from the cold, I asked him about his childhood. I could have never anticipated the tragedy he would relate to me.

         “I lived with my grandmother, until I moved here last year.”

         “For college?” I asked.

         “Yes, I graduated with honors last spring from a little school just fifty miles south of here.”

         “And you chose to come here? This is only a community college. Why didn’t you go somewhere better?”

         “It’s close to home. My grandmother raised me, and I guess I’m not fully ready to leave her.”

         “I see. That’s sweet. What happened to your parents?” Even though he tried, he could not hide the flash of pain that ran across his face. “Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. It was really rude of me. Forget I said anything. What are you going to college for?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

         “No, it’s okay. I want to tell you, if you really want to know.” Something in his voice sent a chill down my back that had nothing to do with the cold.

         “I want to know, if you want to tell me.” I confessed.  He studied me for a moment and then took a deep breath.”

         “If anyone ever deserved to know, it would be you.” He held up a hand to stop inquiry. “My grandmother adopted me when I was seven because both on my parents were murdered.”  My gasp was unmistakable in the early morning silence. “My mother was wonderful. She cooked breakfast every morning and dinner every night. She was so kind. She could always make me feel good, no matter how sick I was or how badly I was hurt. I don’t think she ever hurt anyone in her whole life. I think in the end, her enormous capacity for love was her undoing.

         “My father, however, he drank too much and loved too little. One night he came home very late, and they fought. I don’t even remember why, but after hours of screaming, my mother came into my room and scooped me out of my bed. She said we were going to grandma’s house. Then all of a sudden, I was on the floor, and she was screaming. As I got up and ran out into the hall, I saw her disappear into the bathroom, kicking and grabbing at the door frame. I made it into the bathroom in time to see him turn on the faucet and push her head into the bathtub.”  He wasn’t looking at me anymore, but at painful memories playing out on the sand behind me.

         “I think she told me to run, that she meant for me to get out of the house and find help for myself. Instead, I ran to my parent’s bedroom and found the pistol he kept in the dresser. By the time I made it back to the bathroom, the tub was completely full, and she struggling. I yelled for him to stop, but he didn’t listen. I don’t even know if he heard me. Then, she stopped moving, and I panicked. I shot once and missed. As he was turning around to look at me, he let her go, and I shot him in the throat. I’ll never forget the sounds he made or the way he clawed at his neck. I emptied the gun, five more shots, into his head and chest, and then dropped the gun.”

He was starting to shake; his eyes were wide and faraway. “I stepped over his body. I almost slipped in the blood because it was everywhere. I stepped over him and pulled my mother out of the water, but no matter what I did, she wouldn’t wake up. A neighbor had called the cops because of the gunshots, and that’s how they found me, huddled next to the tub, still trying to wake her.”

         He blinked a few times and came back to himself. It was the most horrible thing I had ever heard, and I didn’t know what to do or say. After a moment, I huddled closer to Rogan, and wrapped him in my arms. I expected him to cry, but I suppose he cried himself out long ago. Instead he returned my hug and dragged me into his lap.

         “Sometimes, I’m afraid that I am just like him,” He hugged me tighter, “because he really did love her. I think that he loved her with as much love as he had to give. But in spite of that, he still killed her, or maybe it was because of it.”

         “You’re not.” I tried to assure him. “The fact that you care so much proves it.” I looked up at him, and in the faint light of dawn he forced a smile that did not touch his eyes.

         “I’m not so sure.”

         “You can’t live in fear of you past.”

         “That’s what I keep telling myself.” He smiled. We sat in comfortable silence as we watched the sun rise above the lake.

         “I feel like I know you. I feel like I’ve always known you.” I said dreamily. Rogan tensed beneath me. Finally something that had been bothering me all night worked its way loose from my subconscious.

         “I’m sorry, I know that this is out of the blue, but I have to ask you a question.”

         “Anything,” he swallowed.

         “You said I told you my name, right before I passed out.”

         “Yes.”

         “We were in the water,” he nodded, “and I was about to drown.”

         “Yes, you were.”

         “But that doesn’t make sense. Why would I take the time or energy to tell you my name?”

         “I don’t know,” he sighed. I tried to remember, but nothing came to mind. I closed my eyes and concentrated. Slowly, the blackness turned to fog, and gradually, parts of the fog began to show through.

         “I was drinking.” Rogan’s breathing halted and I sat up. “I hadn’t intended to, but once I got here…Ugh I can’t remember!” I was so frustrated.

         “Once you got here, you found me.” He confessed. I felt a wave a shock run though me.

         “You lied to me?”

         “I’m sorry. When you woke up, you didn’t remember anything. You didn’t remember me. I didn’t want to freak you out.”

         “Who are you?” I asked

         “Exactly who I’ve said I am. You just met me a little bit sooner than you remember. I was here when you drove up. I came to sit and think, and to drink. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here. But when you showed up, we started to talk; we got a little tipsy, and decided to go swimming.”

         “That’s when you saved me.”

         “You were out for about an hour before you finally woke up. I’m sorry; I should have told you from the start. We talked for hours this morning, and I’d never felt so close to anyone. When you didn’t remember me, I don’t know. I just kind of panicked.

         “I still don’t understand why you lied.”

         “I had a good reason, I promise.”

         “Which was?” I questioned. Before he could answer, we were interrupted by a car engine in the distance. As the vehicle pulled closer, I recognized it.

         “That’s Sarah.” I said, standing to my feet. “She’s probably looking for me. I’ve probably scared everyone to death by staying out here all night. I’m going to go talk to her. I’ll be right back.” Rogan stood up and grabbed my wrist before I could turn to leave.

         “You can’t do that!” His eyes were wide with fear. 

         “What’s wrong with you?” I tried to pull away.

         “Just trust me.” He pleaded. I stared at him for a moment, trying to figure him out. I didn’t understand, and I was trying to decide whether I should stay and talk, or rescue my arm and go to Sarah. Before I could make up my mind, I heard someone calling my name.

         “Becca! Are you here?” It was Caleb, my big brother and Sarah’s boyfriend. “Rebecca!” He stepped out the car and cupped his hands around his mouth as he yelled. I looked at Rogan and shook my head as I pulled my wrist from his grasp.

         “I’m here!” I called back as I began to run towards Caleb. “I’m really sorry, I just lost track of time.” I started to say more, but was cut off when Sarah began to yell my name as well.

         “Rebecca, are you out here? Can you hear me?” She called. “I don’t think she’s here either.” Sarah looked at Caleb. I slowed down to a quick walk, and then stopped all together when Caleb began to speak.

         “Let walk down to the water. Maybe she’s by the rocks.” He said, referring to a large pile of boulders on the edge of the beach.

         “Why would she be there?”

         “I don’t know!” He snapped. “She was here though. We have to check.” I wondered how he knew this, and then remembered my truck was parked out by the road.

         “Yeah, you’re right.” Caleb put his arm around Sarah and hugged her close.

         “I’m sorry baby.”

         “No, I understand. I’m going crazy too.” They began to walk towards me, and as they came closer I noticed the tears threating to spill over Sarah’s cheeks. They passed within twenty feet of me and did not even glance in my direction. Rogan came up to me and put both arms around me.

         “What the hell?” I exclaimed. “Sarah! Caleb!” I yelled after them, but neither showed any sign that they had heard.” I looked up at Rogan and his face did not mirror the confusion I felt. “What’s going on?” He took a deep breath.

         “I should have told you. I knew you would, sooner or later, and it shouldn’t have been like this.”

         “What is going on? What do you know that I don’t?” I accused. He would not answer. “Fine,” I said. I pushed him away and began to run towards my friends. I reached them just as they were turning to go back to the car. I walked along side Sarah, but she did not acknowledge me.

         “Sarah?” I asked in a small, worried voice, but still she would not look at me. I moved in front of the pair, blocking their path. I thought they would knock me over, but I was wrong. One moment they were walking towards me, and the next they were gone. Confused, I slowly turned around. There they were, behind me, just like they had walked right through me. Sarah shivered and wrapped her arms around herself like she had been struck by a strong wind, but she did not stop.

         I sank to the ground. I thought I was going to be sick. They can’t see me, and they can’t hear me. They stepped through me like I wasn’t even there! Deep in the back of my mind, I was beginning to understand, but consciously I rejected the idea.

         As they reached the car, Caleb said, “We’ll tell the police about the truck. Maybe it will be the clue that they need to find her.” The police. Oh God, I thought to myself, O God no. Lying in the sand, I began to scream at the top of my lungs.

         “Caleb! Come back, please come back!” I scrambled to my feet as he started the car, and I stumbled towards the vehicle. I was almost there when I stopped. I could not go any further, not because I did not want to, but because I literally could not. It was like I stuck behind a piece of glass. I reached out my hand, but it would not penetrate the barrier. My panic deepened, until I was hysterical. I continued to scream Caleb’s name until the car disappeared. Rogan pulled me into a firm embrace. I tried to resist, but instead found myself giving in and crying.

         “I didn’t want you to find out. Not this soon.” He said as he petted my hair. “And not like this.”

         “I don’t understand,” I choked.

         “Yes you do.”

         “This is a dream. It’s just a dream.” I tried to convince myself. I could feel Rogan shaking his head above me. “It’s not, is it? This is really happening.”

         “Yes.”

         “I’m dead.” I thought I would faint, and in some back corner of my mind, I wondered if ghosts were able to faint. “But why can you see me.” I looked up at Rogan, and he gave me a sad smile.

         “You know why.”

         “Because you’re dead, too.  Oh my God, what happened to us?” I turned and laid my hand against the glass wall. “Are we stuck here?”

         “I think so. I’ve been all the way around this beach, and there are no holes in, whatever this is,” he said as he also touched the wall.

         “So you knew? This whole time, you knew that we were…”

         “I figured it out when I woke up,” he said. He sat down on a large rock, and I sat beside him. “At first I thought I was alone, but then I saw you. You were lying a few yards down the beach. I ran over to you and tried to wake you up, but you weren’t breathing. I couldn’t find your pulse, but you weren’t cold. So, I thought if I got you help quickly enough, you might still be okay. I called 911, but the man who answered the phone wouldn’t talk to me. It was like he couldn’t hear me. Eventually I hung up and tried to go for help on foot, and that’s when I realized we were trapped. Eventually, I worked everything out. After all, I didn’t experience the memory loss you did. I remembered spending the day with you, getting drunk, and the accident.” He looked miserable.

         “What accident?” I asked. The pain in his eyes when he looked at me was almost inconceivable. He seemed to age before me as he drew a long, ragged breath.

         “You’ll remember soon.” His head dropped into his hands and he sat there like a statue for a long while. Whatever happened, it must have been bad. I wondered if I really would remember, or if I even wanted to. I understood why he had kept it from me, and even though I did feel a little betrayed, I was also grateful. He had given me one last night of humanity, but he was so upset. I did not know what could have happened to make him behave so dramatically.

         We sat in silence, Rogan unmoving, while I tried desperately to remember.

         “I’ve never believed in ghosts.” I said. Rogan raised his eyes to meet mine, and they were red and puffy. “What is the matter?” I asked. “The worst is over. I know everything now.” He simply shook his head and began to stare out at the lake again. “Why do you keep looking out there?” I asked. “What are you looking for?”

         “I don’t know.” He sighed. “Maybe we can swim away. It’s not like we can drown.” He offered a weak smile. I hoped he was recovering from his emotional breakdown.

         “It wouldn’t hurt to try.”

         “Maybe we can, later.”

         “Okay, sure.” I looked out to the water, and joined Rogan in staring at the gentle waves. Suddenly I realized something. I did not feel the wind. I did not feel the sun on my face or the sand beneath my feet. I touched Rogan’s arm, and could not feel his warmth, either. “I don’t feel anything.” I said.

         “You’re dead.”

         “But last night I was so cold, and I could feel you.” I said, as I trailed my finger down his arm. “Now, I don’t.”

         “Last night you thought you were alive.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Now you know better.”

         “Oh, I see.” Something in the back of my mind began to work its way free. This is what it will take, I thought to myself, for me to remember. Not the realization that I’m dead, but the acceptance that I am. The initial shock was wearing off, and gradually being replaced by a deep despair. I would never see my family again, never see my friends or go to my graduation or get married. I would never turn seventeen.

         Then, the memories began to come, slowly at first, but more rapidly the more I remembered. He had been sitting here by himself when I arrived. He offered me a drink and we talked for a long time. We had talked about everything. If fact, our later conversation seemed to have mirrored this one.

I remembered how I had felt about him. There had been an undeniable connection between the two of us. After a while, he had become quite drunk, and had decided to swim. I was also pretty tipsy by this point, but not as drunk as Rogan. I had been afraid he would hurt himself. I swam out after him, and tried to convince him to come back to the shore with me. The water had been so rough and the waves so high.

         But, there was something else, something my mind refused to see. I sat there deep in concentration while the wind whipped the water into a frenzy, and the sun ducked behind an isolated cloud.

         “Oh no.” I turned to look at Rogan, and it was if I were seeing him for the first time. “No no no no.” I tried to convince myself I was wrong, that I had not finally unearthed the final piece of the puzzle. “No, Rogan NO!” I shouted as I stood to my feet. The color drained from his because he knew I had remembered. “You didn’t. You wouldn’t!” I cried, “Please tell me that I’m wrong!” He did not breathe. He was rigid while waiting for me to reach the peak of my anger.

         “You killed me! You drowned me like a sick puppy in the middle of the lake!” I screamed. “Don’t just sit there, for God’s sake, say something.”

         “What can I say?” He choked. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. You don’t know how badly I wish I could take it all back, how badly I hate myself right now. I know that no matter how many times I say I’m sorry, and no matter what I do from here on out, I will never be able to make this up to you. I can’t fix it. “

         “Why would you do this?” I demanded.

         “You are just so much like her.”

         “Like whom?”

         “My mother.” His response threw me.

         “Oh.” I did not know what to say.

         “I know it doesn’t make sense.” Tears were running down his face. Whether they were tears of pain or contrition, I did not know. “I have spent so long trying to understand why my father did what he did, and now I do. There has always been an evil inside of me that I have kept very well contained, until yesterday. You reminded me so much of my mom, how she stayed with my father for so much longer than she should have. She completely disregarded her own safety in a life-long attempt to save him. When you came into the water after me, I saw the concern in your eyes, and when I looked at your face I saw her ghost. Suddenly, I was furious. I snapped, and it wasn’t your fault. You don’t deserve this.”

         Even through my rage, I saw the tragedy that was Rogan Summers. He was the product of a terrible past, and a victim of his ghosts. Still, he would never be the same to me, and no matter how much sympathy I had for the boy, it did not change what had happened. I opened my mouth to unleash more of my seemingly endless fury upon him, but a faint laughter in the distance stopped me. Rogan and I turned toward the sound, and for the first time, noticed two figures wading out towards the deep water.

         It was a boy and a girl, the boy ran unsteadily into the crashing water, and the girl chased behind him laughing. They seemed so familiar. Then it clicked.

“What’s going on?” I asked, trying to deny the disturbing truth.

         “Close your eyes.” Rogan commanded, and I knew I was right.

         “That’s us, isn’t it? It is.” The two people swimming through the building waves seemed so real.

         “Don’t watch this.” Rogan pleaded, and suddenly I felt very weak.

         “How is this possible?”

         “I don’t know, but please, turn around, cover your ears, You shouldn’t see this.” He moved toward me, but I stopped him. I was speechless, and I could not look away. He reached out to turn me away.

         “No.” I said firmly as I pushed his hand back. There had to be a reason for this, I thought, and I was going to find out what it was. If my heart had been beating, it would have raced.



         “That’s so dangerous.” The girl who looked like me said. “You are entirely too drunk to be out here.” She laughed. “So am I, for that matter.”

         “That’s what makes it fun!” The second Rogan exclaimed, laughing. I watched myself swim up to him, and take his arm.

         “Come on, let’s go back, please.” I begged.

         “In a minute.” We swam around and argued like this for a while, splashing and teasing one another. However, Rogan had begun to change. As drunk as I was, I had not noticed it at the time, but watching the scene play out before me, I watched as he went from playful and sweet to angry and vicious in a matter of minutes.

         “Can we go back now?” I asked, one last time.

         “I said no!” Rogan yelled, and I remembered then a dark look had crept into his eyes. It was like he had become a different person. I couldn’t see his face from our spot on the beach, but I knew that the Rogan in the water was slipping into a psychotic rage.

         “You should have known better!” He yelled. “You put up with year and years of his shit, and in the end it was all for nothing! You should have left. Not just for yourself, but for me. I was so little, and you were all I had.”

         “What are you talking about?” I asked. Then he grabbed me by the shoulders and violently shoved me beneath the surface of the lake. I fought him as hard as I could, but before long the struggle stopped, and he released me to sink into the cold depths. After that, he just sat there in the water, and I believe he passed out, because soon he also slipped beneath the surface. Just like that, the beach was once again silent and we were left alone with our thoughts.



         I looked at Rogan, and the pain etched across his face seemed unbearable. My anger had dissipated, and I was left feeling hollow and broken. I remembered being on the beach with him, right before we went into the water. I had thought to myself, this is someone I could love. And, perhaps that was true, had the circumstances been different.

         “Rogan.” He flinched, as if expecting the worst, but watching the scene that had just played out before me left without a taste for anger and revenge. “I forgive you.” I said. He was stunned.

         “You don’t mean that.”

         “Yes, I do. I understand what happened, and I see how badly it has hurt you.” I answered. “I do forgive you, but even if we are stuck here on this beach for a thousand years, I will never be able to forget.” And I wouldn’t. Even if we had to be together for all of eternity, I would never again feel as I once had about Rogan.

         “Maybe this is hell.” He thought out loud. “This is my punishment, to be reminded everyday of what I’ve done.” He crinkled his brow. “What is that?” He asked suddenly and pointed at something behind me. I turned to look.

The most beautiful light I had ever seen shone just down the beach. I could not tell where it was coming from. I could only tell that it was a few yards beyond the outer edge of our prison. Cautiously, I approached it. I got closer and closer, until I realized I had passed the barrier.

         “Rogan, we can leave!” I yelled excitedly, but as I turned to look at him, I saw that he had stopped.

         “No Becca, you can leave.” He said as he placed his hand upon the glass wall. I saw what he meant. I could leave, but he was still trapped.

         Maybe he is right, I thought. Maybe this is hell, his personal hell. I stopped, and looked from him to the light and back. This wasn’t right. I could not just leave him here like this. He did not deserve it. I started to walk back to him.

         “Rebecca.” He said. The authority in his voice made me stop cold. “Go. This is how it is supposed to be. I belong here, but you don’t.” I nodded because I realized he was right. There was nothing I could do to help him. I thought about going back to him for one last hug, but was afraid that if I passed back through the barrier, I would never make it back out.

         “I hope you make it someday.” I said sincerely. “I have forgiven you. Now maybe you need to forgive yourself.” And with that I turned and stepped into the light and away from Rogan Summers.



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