Reading Her

1992

I saw her in the mid of all people, my heart beat so fast even if she is crying because of the lost of her only brother. As I approached her, her swollen eyes rolled over and as she glimpse to me, and she asks how long I've been here, I just told her that it’s been five minutes since I've arrived. Then she told me what happen and still her eyes are so gloomy.
Sique and I were high school buddies; I was very close to both of them, I consider them as my own family. Since high school graduation we seldom see one other. His death really shocked me though before his death he was telling me a month ago that I should take care of his sister if something happens to him, I thought that he is just telling me to look after her sister and never take it seriously. He called me if I can let his sister move-in in my flat, I consider that it’s just because she is going to be with me in same university and he trust me, but after this burial, it was something more. It means that he is asking me to be her only substitute brother permanently. I was in a state of surprise, and I do not know how to respond to his request.

As I look to his coffin, his sister approaches me and asks me how I got the news. I just told her that from other friends then later I told her that a month ago her brother call me and told me everything about his condition. Then she stop talking and quietly thinks on the corner of the chapel. Group of her friends are really noisy.
They changed her mood and made her smile. Mue introduces them to me; they were six, Leeu, Ann, Van, Ton, Aristotle and Robert.
As I walk to get some air outside. The old guy whose name is John Niedhom approach me and say to me spontaneously if I were going to let Mue move-in to my house, he thinks that Mue has a better future ahead if she continues to study in college, he told me that their family had a savings so she just need someone to accompany her. I told him that Sique and I have agreed on these things. He looks contented of what he heard.

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I was about to walk to her room to get her belongings I heard her voice outcry to John that she doesn't want to study and go somewhere else. She doesn't need someone and she is capable of taking care of herself. John acts as his guardian after the death of their parents, he refuses to let her stay and continue to be one of his bartenders of his club. He just pretends and shouted to her that they are out of budget and need to make her room for rent, a lot of excuses but the truth is they are just concern to her future. Then she says that she doesn't have someone else they are the only family she had. John asks her to remember that this is the only last wish her brother is asking for her, to finish college and live with Hadsen. She says to John that why do they trust Hadsen too much, his goody image might be just a cover up. Then John says to her that he looks someone who will never do anything wrong and he says goodbye for he is busy. As he closes the door I saw his hands removing his tears and shocked that I am already there. John just grins to me for being considerate. He enters the room again and tells Mue that do not be too much burden, finish my studies and play her instrument here at his bar. They just laugh and hug each other.


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When we arrived at my flat, she looks so amazed with my place, she never utter any words, even her mind speaks nothing but as I see her eye seems to interested with the view of the beach. She begun to say to me that is it really my flat, it looks like a rest house. I just smile and told her that suit herself, as we enter her room


I told her how to operate the lights, how the security system in the room operating and hand to her the schedule of her class, time that I am going to fetch her to school. She is thankful for all and says that this is too much. I told her that these days I was not that much busy so do not worry just do her best. As I lay down to my bed I saw her in my mind that she is going outside to the beach. Later it was five am in the morning I just look her from my windows, she just sits listen to her favorite music and some sadness strike her so she started crying quietly. My neighbor with her same age approaches her and chat her.
She seems not in the mood to talk and the guy leave and continue to jog.


I cooked some scrambled egg for our breakfast and as she eats her breakfast I told her that if she wants to budget her money we can eat lunch pack together. She thanks me again but inside her it seems that she was forced to receive everything that I do for her.

During first month of her stay I tend help her on trend mill and help her in her projects.
I just continue to monitor her in my mind since I know how hard it is to be left alone. She just read some books at home; see our old albums together reminiscing elementary and high school days. Sadness creeps in again to her heart because she misses her brother a lot. During that day I intend to go home early just to comfort her, she was still quietly crying when I arrived and I hug her.


She told me that how come I was early, I told her that I left some important papers in my room then she told me that she was really lucky because it seems that whenever I am around she never missed her brother. I just assure her that I will always be here for her.
After that day she practices her instrument at the beach. Every day before the day of her class practicing is all she ever does.

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A day before her class she got bored call her friends to come here, see the beautiful view and have some drinks at the sea side. They all agreed and I went home early to cook for them. I arrived at home and saw her setting up the food she bought, the mat and her guitar. I help her and went to the beach. She told me if I can hang out with them, and I said that I am not allowed to drink especially if I have an upcoming game. She just smiles but in her mind she told to herself that I am much disciplined. Her friends arrived and again they are loud, they have their hair colored since it was their distinguished look in the bar and they ask if when she will go back, is she bored here and later they interview me with a lot of questions, they teased us that we look well together but in her mind all these years she never got that idea.


Everyone seems to be sleeping in living room and I was laying down in my bed I saw her in my mind that she just love the view of beach, and nothing comes out of her mind.





In the next day we got up early, eat breakfast and drove her to school. I offer her to accompany her to her building but she refuses because she stress out that she already knew the place. During lunch we eat together and I usually ask her how her class was, she just nods and says few words. All these years she was always like that, seldom talks about herself, all she does is listen and nod.

1995
One time during my graduation I invited some of my colleagues and I told her to invite all her colored hair friends including John and we drink in some Resto. We talk about some usual stuff and they updated me about her date with Francis Red who lives on next house, he was invited and I was shocked since I always make sure to read her mind and her where about. How come that when in terms of her dates I neither seen nor read it in her mind. I was just quiet and observe them both. They seem to like really each other and it makes me vomit. Her friends notice that I am like jealous dad to her, and tell me to let go of her since she is matured enough, I might be taking seriously being his eldest brother now. I just laugh and said that I was surprised that she not that boy hater.

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I continue working at our school as an assistant coach. She has an one year away before she graduate. She was insisting me one morning that she wanted to live next to our school so that she would not bother me anymore and she is planning to get a part time job to spa. I refuse it because she must focuses on her studies since it was only one year away. In her mind it bothers her if she did not listen to me, since I am her eldest brother now she must listen to me so she listens and stays. I was a bit guilty because I was a hindrance to what can really make her happy as I can see to her daily routine she just cannot retaliate that she was old enough to be independent and yet here she is depending on me in her transportation, food shelter. I was happy since she recognizes me as someone in her life and I don’t know if I really want her presence, or I was some kind a can relates to her feelings of having no one to rely on except friends.
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I have a high school batch mate who happens to be hired on same department. Our colleagues offer her to live with me since I can be trusted and we can just divide our budget to water etc. Then I agreed because there is one room left on second floor. I introduce her to Mue and she was somewhat happy since they have both same interests with music. I feel a bit odd because her gesture is alive when talking to Zzara, compared when we talk.




As I read Zzara she seems interested with me but hides it for she was living in my house. She was planning to get some flat here in same village because the view is beautiful. Mue introduce Zzara to her co workers in the bar and we hang out as group often. Zzara was able to get her own flat to the next block and have some house blessing together. I really have no interest with her, I do not know why but all my co workers insist me that she had an everything, I just told them do not make it awkward between us. So they stop teasing us and insisting but I know they still do some things like leaving just the two of us. I find it really annoying.

1996
In graduation party of Mue they plan to go somewhere in some Asian countries particularly in Epulo to celebrate. They were all excited and updating one another of booking, the date in email etc. I just go with the flow of their plans then I also invited my co worker. Agustin Bassi who is my co worker tells me that he had a silk worm disease because he ate the leaves to make Koch laugh I told him to have a check up, do not diagnose himself. So we are almost 15 Bassi was being too over conscious, I was wondering if Mue’s boyfriend will come too but I never saw his name in the mail. I was a bit obnoxious if what will I act like if they were there. While waiting in the airport. I was alert if Francis or Ces will come and in the airport and it really irritates me since I cannot find some clues in Mue’s mind if they were still dating or not. I just read to her thoughts some random things. Later I sit beside her. While listening to her favorite music, I interrupt her by asking why does her boyfriend is not around. She told me that she has no news with him. I was kind of pleased but then I was wondering why she has to reserve a seat next to her. Ces was running to the hallway of airplane and looks haggard and seated next to her; I was kind of shocked and realized that maybe that lie was just her way of displacing her loathing for Ces being late.
Zzara seems to be observant with my gesture and in her mind, why does I feel so disgusted with Francesco. Is there something wrong with him? She thought of me as being over protective to Mue. As they sleep and hug each other in the plane, Mue’s colored hair friends were observing me too; they think that I was some kind of old school daddy mad at my daughter. As we arrived at the hotel, I really find it awkward seeing them so sweet. The hotel next to the beach only has a two rooms left. So they decided to divide it into two, all boys and girls. I was laying down to my bed and relaxing after a few hours travel and because of the peak of these months were all people around the world is here in Epulo, it happens that we share in the same bed with Ces. I really hate him for having Mue’s heart and also I can see to him that he is serious with her as he looks to their pictures while resting in the bed.
I curse him to death but then I realized that I must stop this stupidity and be matured enough to be happy for her, remembering that I was the only one left in her life as her family. I always hate that idea but as the same time thankful because of that I can be with her. Then later Ces got an emergency call, he had to go back as soon as possible because one of his family got an accident. It was somewhat wrong timing but then I got sad because I know Mue will be sad so much.

They kissed goodbye outside the hotel and as I see again her gloomy eyes and almost eat my heart out.

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It was morning when everyone was excited to swim. As we eat our breakfast Zzara simply help me and hand me a margarita or Thiomargarita, it was too early for hard drinks but I just sip it. Mue have no energy, I know that every morning she really loves drinking pasteurized milk so I brought one and set the oven to 60°c with in 30 min . She was a kind of girl that is too thankful to anything that is why through that she was a little bit energized. Then we go to braid their hair, I do not because I do not have enough hair.
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Next thing we do to that first day is swim and dive. When we are in the boat she was so afraid to jump but she faces her fears, she jumps and I follow her. All of us dive deeper I just hold her hand and guide her, she was so afraid but later enjoyed the view. I was also afraid but pretend to be strong, we saw some spore abundant corals and look like vegetative reefs I want to touch it but our guide never allows us, I wish I was a Tyndall who can live under these bodies of water. As Mue changes her mood she hold me tight three times, she was in cool mood but when larger fish that looks like a shark comes she was boiling with rage and fear. As soon as we go back to the bottom of the sea Zzara notice us both that we are too close. She was wondering if we have different father that is why our surname was not the same etc. In the boat, Zzara complained that she had stepped on something and her foot was bleeding, I was so worried for her, Lister who was my co workers help her and tried to apply the first aseptic technique through using a forcep which is in diltuted phenol to remove the spikes in her foot.
Zzara become very close to Eilshem, Koch and Leeu so they started talking while in the boat about me crossed arms to Mue because Mue is freezing. Zzara insist that there is something more to our closeness, Leeu nod and tell them that it is possible since they are really not blood related siblings. Leeu told them everything happen, why Mue is in my flat etc. because of that Zzara become more jealous to the both of us. (1)Koch interrupted who happens know me better told them that first, my gesture is obvious that I am not in love with Mue, she trust me that I know Mue had someone else, this was rejected by Zzara that some guys are pretentious to what they really feel and wait get the opportunity to show their sweetness that is not very obvious, look at them right now. I just do not care what they are talking about; I just ignore them for I am more focused on Mue’s convenience. They were all looking to both of us with different meaning, Mue’s colored hair friends teased us but lucky to Mue she falls asleep in my arms. (2)Then Zzara told them that it’s been four years that we live together that is why there is no other reason why should we not fall in love with each other. Robert insist about friends whose situation is same with us, its Myco and Lerie on Armadillo St., Robert insist that I am just a gentleman, then Ann remembers their friend of friend Nema and Pally, even if it takes years to court Nema, her favorite collection of exotic pets like rabbit and chimpanzee were given, and also a lot of test to Pally to prove his love to her, they still doesn’t end with each other. (3)Zzara stubbornly insist that injected situation like staying together can happen to anyone and same ending will occur they will fall in love. But still others states that it depends. (4)Lastly Zzara told them that even if we part ways, we will never forget each other and others again insist that what if we both got rejected, so we are more vulnerable to fall in love with others. I become more irritated because their topic is I and Mue, of course its Mue’s big day, it’s her graduation party that is why she is the center of attention. This started their topic about love. They tackle how their love life comes up etc. Mue was awakened by their noise and then we get back to the shore. John just pats my shoulder as if making me aware of something. He told me in our minds that do not let Mue be confused with my treatment to her. Mue in the mean time checks her cellphone about an update with Ces. I just nod but think of it the whole day that I am I was too obvious that I love her this much. I do not know what kind of love I have for her.

It was afternoon that we gather around for dinner. Here is the island’s favorite viand Adobo with a cut boiled potatoes, I want to learn how to cook this so that I can serve it to her , our dessert is gelatin and Mue is busy fixing her camera Polaroid, I notice that the – (+) of battery is misplaces so she handed it to me, and I fix it. John was observing both of us, and it made me a bit anxious. Ton is complaining of the 28 degree Celsius temperature which made him irritable of hot temperature, Leeu changed the direction of fan to him.
It was 12 midnight as I rest in my bed all I hear in her mind is Ces, she misses him so much, I went outside to get some air. I saw her and seat besides her. She as usual timid and I ask her about Ces, how long have they been dating, She told me that almost four years, when she was staying at the beach she agreed for the both of them to date. She smiles and rudely told me that she knew I was listening to every single moment that she does and she admits that she did something in selecting some thoughts that she want me to hear. I was surprise and hastened to ask her how she did it.
Third day I wake up and it was all in my dream. I was left alone in the room. I follow them in my thoughts that they are already in the camp site going to cave. I hurriedly go there and I heard they are just talking some stuffs, it was Crystal Cove Caves, there are pink pigment on the wall and teases Mue that her origin of hair comes from this cave, Lister as a funny guy became curious if Mue knows flair bartending, she just nod and says a little and he laughs and become curious what she look like when her hair is pink, Eilshem shun him using hisses and to change the topic she told Mue to perform some tricks later on. Lister just ignores her. Lister then stubbornly says that if they add color to their armpit, Aristotle pretend that he is going to spunk Lister but they all laugh. He arrived and everyone apologizes because they leave me.

To my urgency I drop the keys with a written Jenner Inn, Mue look at me and come with me to find the key, Zzara too come with us. As we walk in the white sand it really burst me into happiness since these years Mue and I never find time to be together, though we eat lunch monotonously or I drove her to school it was something different, I saw immediately the key Zzara hurriedly get the key as she gets it she is facing me afterward a guy also was about to get the key, Zzara and the guy touch the key and their face accidentally bump each other and the guy become apologetic to her. The guy greets Zzara and told her that his name is Edward. Zzara become courteous and says her name, she also introduce us to him though she is disgusted to him because the guy’s allergy to seafood looks like a small pox. Edward offers her to hangout late at night. Zzara just accept his offer and give the keys to me.
We go back to cave and have our lunch there.

Mue tease her about Edward, Zzara told her that she is immune to irresistible guys she look at me assuming that I will be jealous or do I have an ample amount of interest to her but he saw me with no reaction and she frowns while handing me the plate with dish from Koch assistance, drinking wine with Mue in this view is the most ideal meal.

We go to ATV for two hours, a four wheeler motor that rounds to the upper part of the island to see the whole scenery. It was amusing especially when you are with the person you love, except to the part that it was only one sided love. The slowness of clouds wishing it could be the same as time. I am very lucky because Mue was afraid to do it alone so we get a version of ATV for two-seater. I was also nervous because I knew that this moment might be the last since she is planning to move out and settle down with Ces. My role as his so called brother will be ended soon. I will just cherished these moments. Then the ATV stops, all the circumstances really gives me a chance to be with her alone, so we ended up walking but the slope in downhill is too inclined and I supported her downward while walking. She started to become awkward towards me. So I start conversing with her, If she had some sort of immunity against malaria she nodded and say yes. She just then stated that it would be hard giving birth to this place she might have some puerperal sepsis. I really become disappointed since I know in her mind she is beginning to think of giving birth since she is ready to marry Ces. I just give him a sarcastic laugh and told her that Ces must disinfect his hand before aiding her to give birth. She just told me what if she had no kit that would disinfect his hands, I replied by saying, If you had some chlorinated lime, she just smile and told me that I am a very dangerous nurse. She then shouted there is Ignition someone wait!, I told her to repeat what she says, she says loudly There is as ignition, someone wait!, the stranger who had an ATV offer her to give a ride and she was able to come back immediately to the camp. I was followed up by the other guy who maintain the track. She explained to me that we leave the ATV with some spark and it might burn the whole forest, she never said it to me because I might panicked and end up to accident though she was particular to the specs of the motors that’s why she knew the ATV will not lead to explosion. I was reassured that everything is fine and we go back to hotel, it was dinner time, we are about to change clothes for night out I remember suddenly John’s word to me.


Then we went to some club house, Mue persistently perform some tricks in bar-tending as requested by Eilshem. Then Edward who looks like half Latino and half Asian meets Zzara, he also introduce his friends to us Emil von Behring, the song was toxic and Diptheria. They are all hyper and dancing then also Edward’s friends fascinated with Mue’s talent in bar-tending approaches her one of them is Paul Ehrlich, the song is Magic bullet when he offer a dance with her but before he offer her a dance, he said a stupid joke, when Mue is saying her name he responded in this way “what? Queeny, no “Mue” queen and Mue sounds too different then Paul responded that probably she is the queen of his heart that’s why he heard different thing, Mue is annoyed but still smiles to him, though she refuses because she is too tired, other girls was fascinated with Paul since he was a commercial model, particularly of Salvarsan, they call him Hey! Salvarsan guy. Aristotle who had an interest with Ann was dancing together, Ann was almost drunk and ordered some drinks again, Aristotle interrupted by saying that’s enough, Ann still get the pencil and write name of drink by herself, instead Aristotle get the pencil after noticing that she wrote the name of the guy Alexander Flemmming on the paper instead of the drink. The other group of guy on the bar laugh and said pronto in a rude manner to the waiter, He had a red dyed hair I heard that his name was Domagk. He will suffer and be annihilated made none other but me if he tries something bad to Mue. Mue started to go alone and listen to her old Walkman. As usual I follow and gently step by step seated to my scene or favor. It was the first time that she was drunk and cannot control her thoughts, she was somewhat bitter I guess I don’t know who is she concerning but she keeps on saying that this is all it will ever be. I don’t know if it is Ces. In her mind it was repeating this is all it will ever be! And she started crying. It makes my heart melt, and nervous, when she said that why does it has to be like this, I really love him, it really leaves her confused and guilty. I assume that he loves someone else aside from Ces.
Then I tap her shoulder to comfort her and ask her what is wrong, she becomes shocked and wiped immediately her tears. It’s all your fault in her mind. Why me? What have I done? These words slipped to my mouth forgetting that I was only reading her mind. She doesn't react to what I said. I realized that it was I, and I kissed her. She was shock but then happily let me kiss her. John notices us and he said to me that don’t be a jerk. I just ignore him and savor this kiss. Then when we stop. She hurriedly run inside the hotel. I followed her but she said to his mind that stop following her. So I stop and continue to follow her thoughts. She said again that stop listening to me, and I stupidly busy myself to not listen to her. Later on, I can’t stop but to listen to her, it’s too late she was on the airport booked to I don’t know where. I hurriedly run to follow her but she said to me that please stop following me. Don’t waste my time and to enjoy myself. I know I was wrong on kissing her. Ces might knew, it might be the end of their relationship. I keep on blaming myself and thinking of what to do. I was sleepy and tired but as I can hear to her, she keeps on apologizing. I just cry a little for letting her feel that way.
Next day she was gone, everyone is shocked to where she is. Except John for he knew what happened. They still enjoy the week in the island but I told them that I've got to know where she is, they was not able to stop me even if it will cost me a lot. After a day in the plane. I can’t hear any words from her. I was so nervous that I might not be able to see her again. I came back to my flat and some of her clothes was gone.

Reuniting our Hearts

In the airport Mue is about to go back in the pub were she used to stay. John his foster father and Mue both agreed Mue will not show up to Hadsen. After two days Hadsen went to the pub but did not see Mue around. Hadsen was looking for Mue and it happens that Tiarra was at the pub with Ces. I told Ces how is his family member from accident. He told me that they are fine. I told him why is he here, Mue might see him, he told me he taught Mue is with me and have not yet officially talk about their relaionship, Tiarra loves the place so we stayed here aniways said Ces. Mue was listening and sobbing as she see both Tiarra and Ces were so sweet.



Hadsen went back to his flat and arranged the contacts to were Mue might have gone. Mue at the bar as Hadsen went out decided to talk to Ces while crying. Ces cries to and apologized that he had fallen inlove with Tiarra while attending to his family members in hospital. Mue said that everything is fine and just be good friends. Ces and Tiarra leave Mue at the bar.



The next day Mue was practicing her piccolo with short hair. Hadsen went back and saw the Mue but hardly recognized her. Mue then managed to run and hide to go to secret room. John talked to Hadsen that Mue is not yet ready to see anyone after Ces incident. I was still decided to see her and talk about us. After two weeks I messaged her that I miss her. Don't forget about me, about our kiss. She haven't replied. I went to the bar, I saw her playing the piccolo, others are listening while others are dancing sweetly. I just stare at her whole night while drinking. I passed out and wake up in Mue's bed. John is waiting for me to wake up and give me a breakfast. Mue is not around so I just went back to my pad. I sit at my couch and think of ways to get her back.



After one day I had an injury from the game. I stayed at my flat thinking if what to message John. I told him I have an injury and need to rest for three months. I panick when Mue message me that she is going back to the flat to take care of me. I agreed. But when she is back we are so platonic for three weeks. She sets up my food and supports me when I walk but one time I fell on the carpet she reach out and hold my shoulder upward, I hold her shoulder so I will stand up then both of us slip in the floor, she was in my tummy and it feel so warm and cozy. I hug her tight she hug me too, finally after a long time I got a response, she apologized about hiding act from me. I cried softly that I miss everything about her, I kissed her soflty and gently, she closed her eyes and hug me, we are in the floor but I cried so hard and tell her don't leave me again. She touch my face and told me about Ces that she is highly guilty since she is in a relationship and also moving on about Ces and Tiarra. I hug her again and told her everything happens for a reason. She added that she feel quite happy since she was falling inlove with me. Both of us sit in the couch and stare each other just for a few minutes. I told her it was difficult for me to let her go, we are together for four years, I am used to be with her. I snatch her shoulder and hug her tightly she hugs me back and I sob again. Don't leave me, don't hide from me please marry me. I tell her that eversince she walk in my life I bought a ring, looking for a chance to propose to her. I am really devastated when she met Ces. I thought my world will crumble down. I told her that now your officially mine, I do not want to waste any time, marry me. I put the ring at her hand and we both kiss softly, she then pulls away and said yes. No this is not a dream finally I am hers and she is mine.