Pain and Confusion

Every day that I wake up I hope the pain is physical.

If I hurt physically I can ignore the pain that isn’t.

At no time do I not hurt

My daughter? Taken

My body? Wrong

My mind? Wrong

My hopes? Out of reach

My dreams? Far fetched

And yet every day, I spend my time trying to help others with their pain.

I am tired

Tired of them not doing the things I can’t.

Not taking the risks I do

I feel like they look at the shambles that is my existence and don’t try because look where it got me.

And yet?

They keep coming to me,

Asking me how to fix it

Asking me for advice

Telling me their secret

Their hopes

Their dreams

Their fears

Can I really be that big a waste?

So every day, I look past the pain of not being real.

I keep working on something I can’t get help on

I do not quit

I do not give up

Not now

Not ever.