A Flow of Honey

A Flow of Honey

Though there was purpose in her walk, Audrey’s steps were shaky, as she made her way down Madison Ave towards the hospital.  Unknown to her, she was about to enter a complex situation that would ultimately require her to walk a path she had long since removed out of her memory, or so she thought.

“What was that?”  she cried out turning her head around.  Someone had yanked on her jacket.  It was a rather depressing day to be out and the drizzling rain seemed to be distorting her surrounding view.  She wasn’t sure if it was the rain, or the phone call she had just received while sitting at a Madison Ave café, that was the cause of her conflicting feelings. Over the last week, Audrey was starting to feel as if she had been moved only slightly off the path she had been walking for the last five years.  It was as if someone had gently lifted her up and upon putting her down, had placed her very slightly off kilter.  And yes, she would describe it as gentle because no feelings of discomfort were present when it happened.  The surroundings were still familiar, but somehow a little distorted.  It reminded her of the fun house she practically lived at when the annual A & P Show and carnival were running in Wairoa where she grew up. 

The A & P Show was in reality an escape hatch for Audrey, an escape from the often disconcerting manner that ruled her family to which she was exposed; disconcerting in the disturbing, lack of harmony sense of the word. 

After a series of horrific events, her parents found it hard not to believe that fate in the negative form had found them and would continue to walk with them down this road called life.

Audrey found freedom in wandering the stalls, petting the animals and watching sheep being sheared.  However, it was the carnival that was set up right next door that emanated a sense of new found joy and security.  The Wairoa River ran along the back of the grounds and to Mae and Audrey, it was comparable to a seamless ribbon, flying aimlessly through their little town simply because it meant freedom, an escape from home.  In reality, it was silt-laden, slow-moving and inaccessible, due to the hordes of willows lining the banks. 

She and Mae had found a gold mine of honey in one of the hordes of willows.  The honey was more than a sweet edible treat for them, for it was a tangible reminder of the richness and depth of their friendship.  They would spend hours gorging on the honey, writing poems and dreaming up their futures.  Audrey was going to be a honey bee so that she could eat honey anytime she desired.  Mae on the other hand wanted to be a nurse because she wanted to be able to look after her little sister who was always falling down and scrapping her knees.  Mae was a very helpful, especially to her baby sister.

In school they had learned all about Greek mythology and were fascinated when Mrs Day informed them of the role honey played in these myths.

*

“Audrey, please read from the top of page 83?”  said Mrs Day.

*

The students’ eyes grew with amazement as she read out-loud the story of Pythagoras and his honey drinking habit! 

If a passer-by had been a witness to their first interaction, he would have concluded, and only rightly, that those two little girls would never be destined to form a friendship, and most certainly not a life-time one.  Mae on the other-hand would politely disagree if this opinion was presented to her. 

*

“Oh no!  Audrey is my bestest friend by far!” 

*

And Audrey would have to agree because it was only these two little girls that truly understood the depth of their friendship, for it and continues to blossom sweet, serene honey.  You see, their friendship was on a different playing field to other regular childhood friendships.  Their first encounter had miraculously built an inner bridge connecting their “on” buttons.  It wasn’t what was said, which is the only evidence the passer-by would have had on which to draw his conclusions.  It was what was unsaid, the unspoken. Usually the unspoken was established long down the track of a friendship, but Audrey’s and Mae’s had been, unbeknownst to them, created right there on that warm summer’s day on the banks of the Wairoa River. 

“Crepe, ma’am?  I’ve got syrup or ice-cream,” said the man.  He seemed to literally jump out in front of Audrey.  His eyes appeared to be dancing as he stood in front of her. 

“Sorry?”
“Delicious crepes, would you like?”  he said in his broken English.
“Do you have honey?”
“Yes”

Audrey found it hard not to stare.  There was something about this man that drew her in.  He wasn’t just selling street food. 

“How many like?” he asked.
“Oh, um, two thanks.”

It was then that his elation shone through.  It was written all over his face in the dancing of his eyes, his relaxed frown-free forehead and an unforgettable smile.  Bees were visibly dancing around his head in free-flowing fashion.  Instinctively, Audrey found herself reaching out and stroking his cheek. 
“Sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

Grabbing the ready crepes and paying, she quickly continued her journey, before he had a chance to react.  The drizzle had ceased and the thought of crepes with honey warmed not just her physical but also mental being.  She needed to rid herself of the embarrassment she had just caused herself.  Audrey ate the crepes pretty fast, washed down handsomely with the honey. 

*

“Tea?”

“Yes, that would be lovely.  Perhaps some of that Oolong tea your cousin sent us from South Africa.  She seems to have a knack for choosing good ones.”

Colin shortly returned balancing the tea tray in his left hand. 

“I made it quite strong,” he said.

“Thanks, I need something strong.”

“Sugar?”

“Honey please.”

“You’re going to make me go all the way back to get the honey,” said Colin with a twinkle in his eye.

“Sure, why not?  You are at my beck and call, aren’t you?”
“Yes Audrey, yes I am,” Colin said bowing as much as possible with a tray in his hands.

*

Laughing out-loud at the memory, Audrey wiped her face and hands.  The hospital was in sight.  Colin had been so beautiful to her in so many ways.  She found it almost impossible dwelling on self-pity thoughts when moments like this transfixed themselves on the forefront of her mind’s eye and the sweet serenity that she had known made its way back into her life. And for just a split second, Audrey started to feel like she was back on the right track, and the distorted feelings had disappeared. 

What was she to expect in the hospital?  When was she last in one?  Oh yes, her baby brother, David had his tonsils removed and she had gone to visit him in Wairoa Hospital with Mum. 

*

“Look Collie,” for that was his nickname for her, “I get to eat ice-cream!” he said.
“Well, aren’t you a lucky boy.  Are you going to share any with your favourite sister?” she said with a smirk. 

*

Audrey guarded David closer than normal.  Because there was an age difference of six and a half years, she had felt a touch of motherly instinct when David had been born.  This had grown into a sense of responsibility for his protection, especially now that he had started school. 

*

“No silly!  Dr Pengally said it will help soothe my throat.  You are so funny Collie.”

*

David had had no complications and was out the next day.

Checking her notebook, Audrey reminded herself that she needed to go to the fourteenth floor.  ‘Intensive Care?’  That’s what the sign next to the lifts told her.  Instantly, the honey taste she had been licking from her lips was no more and had been replaced by an acidic flavour.

“I’m here to see Colin Peterson”

“Are you family?” asked the receptionist.

“Yes, I’m his wife.”

“He’s in room 11.  Please take a seat; visiting hours don’t start for another half hour.”

Audrey went and sat down in the corner.  The hospital environment had sucked out any energy that she might have had. 

*

The day Audrey and Colin met was a Sunday.  The clouds floated by and a light breeze rustled the trees.  It was the kind of day that you would expect after an intense storm filled night with howling winds, a down-pour, lightning and thunder.  But there had been no storm the night before.  This was a special day.  The flying kites were whispering a promise of something.  Audrey decided that these signs in the sky were a positive catalyst of what was to come.  They had brought chance along on their tails.  Rainbow coloured, spotted with gold and silver sequins, they flew high in the sky, carrying her chance of something. 

“Yes,” she whispered, “this is the day that my chance will eventuate.”

You would think that a script was being acted out when they met.

“Would you mind helping me?”

And there he was right in her path.  It was like a preview to her dancing eyes crepe man.  Audrey was in one of her nonchalant moods and smiling, turned her head to see the speaker.  Dressed in blue, he was attempting to untangle a kite line from a spool. 

“I’ve somehow managed to get into a tangle here.  Do you have long nails?”

“You have made a mess!  Pass it here.”
He had pulled the kite in and wanted to make sure the line was untangled before packing it away. 

When exactly he loved her, she’s not sure, but Audrey was in love before the knot in the kite line was gone.  It didn’t occur to her that she was not in love with the man, but instead with the path that chance was taking her down or perhaps even the notion of love. 

There was a man standing next to her of his own freewill.  He had chosen to speak, why? She didn’t know and was especially confused upon learning of his belief in fate.  The conversation preceding this newly learned fact failed to warn both Colin and Audrey that the somewhat delicate topic of destiny and fate would arise.  And yes it did arise quite abruptly.  The question had been asked and answered by both parties, and then just as quickly as it had arrived, it departed and another topic of conversation was started.  Maybe after all, the signs in the sky were there to show her the calm before the storm. 

Audrey looked around and noticed that the hospital waiting room was starting to fill up.  To her right was a woman with two little children.  The woman’s face spoke sorrow, but when she focused on her children, Audrey noticed just a drop of optimism.  She heard a beep and saw the doors leading into the ward automatically open.  Audrey joined the small crowd and headed for the ward.
One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…the shaky steps were back…nine…ten…eleven.  Standing outside the door, she noticed Colin’s name on the wall. 

It wasn’t’ long before Colin proposed and they got married.  She was now Mrs Audrey Peterson and had decided that was a good thing to be.  Colin was a gentleman, even if he did believe in fate.  This little fact could be worked around.  Colin never said much about his family, but neither did she.  It wasn’t that they were trying to avoid the subject, it just didn’t naturally arise.

They thought it would be good to move into a new apartment when they got married.  It was a new phase of their life together and a moving to a new place looked to be a healthy step.  They found a great apartment, just in their budget and moved in the following month.  It was autumn.

Colin used to stand gazing out of their fifth floor apartment, transfixed on the buzz of the city.  He didn’t like opening the window.  He said it was because he felt secure with a pane of glass between him and the city.  Locking himself away from the disharmony of the world was the security blanket to which he clung.

The emotional rope strengthened a lot that night.  Audrey could feel the beat of his heart and she loved him even more for it.  And so the practice of clinging onto, that had for so long been a part of her life, or as she imagined it, a life-time had begun. 
Her mind had established that it was this habit of trusting in fate that inevitably led to suffering and self-pity.  And for a micro-second on her timeline, Audrey felt that their relationship was destined to fail because it was her fate.  What would happen Colin if a crack in the pane appeared? she thought to herself.  What would that mean to you? 

Audrey entered Room 11 quietly.  It was a private room.  There was a small love seat under the window with a basin to the right.  On her left she saw a small but neatly presented bathroom.  Colin was asleep, covered with a pale green blanket.  Audrey was shocked with the amount of tubes connecting him to various machines. 

What happened?  Why was Colin here?  She looked around frantically for a nurse, anyone to explain the situation.  Audrey buzzed the buzzer on the wall behind Colin and a nurse entered the room.  The phone call she had received while sipping her honey tea hadn’t seemed urgent. 

“Hello Mrs Peterson, I’m Tamara.  Is everything alright here?” she asked.

Audrey felt the grip on the joy and security she had been clinging to loosen.  Tears started spilling from her brown eyes and down her flushed cheeks.  She was losing her sense of control. 

“What’s wrong with my husband?  Why is he here?  What happened?”  she sobbed.

“You’re not aware of what has happened Mrs Paterson?  Oh, I am so sorry.  Please take a seat, I will be back in a minute,” said Tamara.

Audrey sat down in the seat next to Colin’s bed and placed her head beside his still body.  Her mind was far from balanced and the off kilter sensation was again predominantly on the forefront of her mind.  There was a knock on the door and a man entered. Audrey stood up to greet him.

“Good morning Mrs Paterson, I’m Dr Regan.  I understand you have some questions about your husband’s condition.”

“I guess you could put it like that.  What happened?” Audrey asked, desperately trying to keep her feelings to herself.  Doctors were renowned for their lack of compassion and he looked to be no different.

“Mrs Peterson, your husband was in a very serious car accident.  He has suffered a very serious brain injury called a traumatic subarachnoid haemorrhage.”

“Sorry, what do you mean?  Is my husband going to die?  What does this all mean?”

“Your husband is suffering from bleeding in the space surrounding the brain.  This space is usually filled with cerebrospinal fluid that helps protect the brain.”

Audrey collapsed on the ground at this point.  Everything she had been working towards was disappearing and there was no hope of retrieving it.  What was to happen?  Was she destined to walk the path her parents had walked so many years ago and had dragged her and David down?

“No…no…no,” she yelled and collapsed on the ground.

When Audrey regained her composure, she found Dr Regan kneeling beside her. 

“Mrs Peterson, please come and take a seat.  Can I get you something, perhaps a tea or coffee?”

Audrey focused her eyes on the doctor and saw the Wairoa River flowing in his eyes.  Was this a sign that all was going to be alright?  But still a battle for joy and security fought. 

“Tea would be lovely with honey,” she whispered.

Dr Reagan gently lifted her onto the love seat and called a nurse to bring a cup of tea with honey.  It was a good thing that Audrey was sipping her honey tea while Dr Regan explained to her the possible consequences of her husband’s injuries because it made her happy.  This was only possible because the honey was drowning out his voice.

“Do you have any questions Mrs Peterson?”

“How long did you say he would be in here?” Audrey asked.

“It depends on a number of factors, most importantly how he responds to his surgery and whether or not he experiences amnesia.”

Audrey took another sip of her tea and thought to herself, ‘fate is the road to which I must cling.  If only the river was a seamless ribbon, a stream of honey in which she could bathe herself and discover eternal freedom.  Perhaps Mae had, perhaps she had.’