Apologies And Goodbyes

All that’s left
In this sordid little war
Raging within
This desolate little heart
Are these dirty little pieces
Scarred and torn
Bandaged and fought for
All tangled together
And abandoned into a pile
A tiny pathetic pile
Lies where my heart
Should be suspended strong.

I have bemused you
Played a dirty trick.
The same dirty trick
I have mastered with
Trial and error.
Do not feel too awful
I have dazzled many,
You are not the first.

I lied to you.
I am not a beautiful soul.
I am not strong.
I am not wonderful,
Or even good.

I am a harlot,
A shell of a soul
A grenade, waiting to blow,
And leave you to be just like me.
Empty and abandoned.

The past is devilish,
My history is evil
It will follow me
A dark rain cloud
Dangling over everything
I touch, I surround.
I am not permanent.

Usually, I let this
Play out, I take
What I can, until
People like you
Get tired of people
Like me.

But you don’t deserve
That pain, that destruction.
And so today, I tell the truth,
Today I break your heart.
Today, I become the most
Bittersweet goodbye
You will ever know.