A sadder blog today. Telling the truth, the truth is painful |
Right now, it’s 09:57 am, just before first period ends to school. Not in an absolutely great moments right now. Yes I know that some people see this as moaning or bitching, but it’s my way to release steam, and I feel better posting it up online. Maybe it’s a cry for help. Maybe it’s a cry for attention? But if you don’t like this, then please do not read on, as although this is like a blog, it’s also like a diary. So if you’re not into stuff that actually happens, then please leave now. Still here? Then let this moment of my life begin… I’m in Performing arts; we only have until April I think to get this production of the Wizard of Oz finished. So everyone is rushing a little, but people are treating me like a third wheel, so I’m stuck in the corner of the room writing this. First, people are drawing out poppies for the munchkins; a boy (lets call him Sam) was drawing out Poppies from a template. I was up writing last night (check the last entry for that) and after that my brain was in overdrive so I only got about three/four hours sleep last night, so I’m a little tired. Sam was drawing out poppy templates; you can get four (five if they are close together) on a sheet of the wood they use to draw it on, then get cut out. Me not thinking due to lack of sleep was about to say “if you use both sides you can get more on”, stupid I know, but I said to him “do you know what I was about to say” (now into second period) and said it as a joke. With a grin on afterwards. Well it didn’t work. He looked at me as if my brain was pouring out of my eyes, and I could tell through his face as if I was being serious. I hate it when people, not so much that they don’t get me, but they don’t think about these sorts of things. I get the impression that some people in the class think I have something quite wrong with me… I have been checked, double checked, and triple checked for Autism, Aspergers, ADHD etc... All the “normal” conditions, and all I have is Tourettes Syndrome. It’s nothing to do with being obnoxious or anything like that. But I just hate it when people think there is something wrong with me, and treat me so. Yes I’ve got an overactive imagination, but that’s it. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. Annoyed? Yes. Angry? No. But like I said. This, writing my poetry and music are my releases in these sorts of situations. After that I saw a group of girls painting Poppies that were already cut out, I joined a girl (lets call her Suzy) to paint, Suzy is part of Sam’s and another girls school, they come here as in their school, they don’t run Performing arts, so they come here. I have 100% NOTHING against anyone of them (three of them)… But I get the feeling that they do. They think that I’ve something wrong with me, and prefer not to deal with me. But I wanted to help out as all I’d be doing this period was sitting around on my Mac book doing nothing. I started to paint, but after a while, Suzy says to me “shouldn’t you have waited Michael, that looks terrible” In a really snidy, and sniping way. Usually I’m fine with these sorts of things, but I wasn’t in the best of moods after that previous experience and lack of sleep. I tried not to but sounded really offended and said, “Oh, thanks very much” and While her and another friend laughed about it. I walked off to write this. Otherwise I wouldn’t have done anything at all this period. Let me make this very clear. I don’t mind criticism, but when it’s given in a way that is meant to offend and sadden me, just because I’m not wanted, that’s what annoys me. I would have preferred they said, “No thanks, we can do this, we can do it quicker”. Too late now. I apologize and feel bad about this outburst, as I’m now as bad as her. By allowing her to get what she wanted, and in such a rude way. I cannot apologize to her face to face, as nothing would come of it. But I am sorry about the outburst. She won’t be, but that’s her gob, not mine. On a better note. I got the only A* in a Moving image test that is going in my predictive grade for UCAS. So I’m glad for that. Well, that me done for a while. Thanks very much for reading, even though it’s a little hard on the moaning. But I’m glad I’ve managed to get this done. Now to watch some Walking Dead!! God Bless Michael |