I Failed Love

What pushed me so hard? Now I'm at the edge of a cliff. Separation. Its the most painful feeling because you know you can't do anything about it while both end want to reconnect, its what makes your whole body reject to live this way. My thoughts are scattered like shattered glass but the only thing I am sure about is that i refuse to live without..Him. As i take a deep breath to gather my sanity, i smell death and cold wood trying its best to survive and as i open my eyes to get myself ready i see him, suddenly i'm ready to abandon any thoughts i had earlier. I want to live again. I blink again but he's gone. Nothing but a piece of my memory. Frustration, that's what is moving through my fragile body. Before I can think i take a step forward and jump, taking the easy way out. All thats on my mind is him with his playful smiles. Before i know it i come in touch with the icy water and at that moment i realize its so cowardly of me. my survival instincts kick in. the first thing i think of is to go up to the surface, try to hold on to one thin string to potential happiness. Oh man was i wrong. Something cold and strong thrusts me back to the bottom as if telling me i'm making believe but i refuse to be weak, to lose so easily. i attempt another try and before i know it I'm breathing freedom again but not for long till i'm at rock bottom again. This time the waves have sucked all my will and energy by their resistance to let me live. I'm powerless i can't move but i can fight for my life. I refuse to open my mouth to let the water in and in exchange my head feels like a grenade it might explode any minute now. minutes passes and i'm getting weaker so is my will is getting smaller. Six minutes later i almost lose my consciousness. Everything. Give in, Let fate control me but i try to fight with all my might try to keep the gateway to my death locked but before i realize cold death fills up my body. i have failed. My gateway or perhaps will was too weak and my consequence is having death fill up my lungs. tears fall or maybe blends with the surroundings and just like that  i no longer matter. i have failed. i took my own life.