Fear of darkness

Fear of darkness

Till a few years before, life was a mass of chaos for Moksha. Nights were full of fear of darkness, and days were living hell. Memories flashed by, as she sat on the front porch of her elegant home contemplating on the quirky path her life had taken.

It was eighteen years since she’d come to Toronto with her husband Mohit. When Mohit’s application for a placement in a financial firm in Toronto, Canada, was accepted, she was joyous. Fresh out of college with a degree in commerce in hand, Moksha, too, wanted to prove her mettle albeit in a foreign country.

Canada seemed the right destination for the couple bubbling with enthusiasm to discover horizons of joy and to work to realize aspirations. The rental agent welcomed them at the busy Toronto airport. After the introductions, Willy took them to a suburb that had a lot of greenery.Their apartment on the fifteenth floor looked like it was half way to heaven.

“Doesn’t it look like we could touch the sky, Mohit?”
“Yes, my love, we both could fly on the clouds to the seventh heaven,” said Mohit with a twinkle to his eyes.

Their first week had flown by settling in a new town and a new environment, and the second went by in getting used to a new routine. Their days were busy with Mohit busy working, and Moksha organizing her new home. They, however, found comfort and love in each other's arms at night.

During the next three pleasure-winged years, they had a daughter and a son, Amala and Ankit. Mohit climbed the ladder of success and within an incredibly short period, was appointed the chief executive of the company.

"Hey Mohit, when are we going home to India, now that we are settled a bit? "  she asked on a night before going to bed.
"It's been years since I saw dad and mom," she sighed in silent longing to go back to her home in India.
Sipping from a glass of milk mixed with ground almonds, Mohit said, "Soon, my dear. Probably next month."
"Oh, that would be wonderful," she said with her eyes shining happily.

On the next afternoon, Moksha heard Mohit's car from the backyard. Wondering why he had come home three hours before his usual time, she came in through the back door. He wasn't in the living room, or in the kitchen.

“Mohit darling, what happened? Oh, my god, you have a high temperature,” said Moksha with concern, when she found him lying on the bed in a kind of stupor.
She rushed him to the doctor on that gloomy night. Mohit was later diagnosed suffering from a malignant brain tumor.

Mohit succumbed to the terminal sickness within six months throwing Moksha’s life out of gear. A vicious ring of loneliness closed around her. Neighbors and friends did their best to help her come to terms with this sudden swerve in life. At night, she lay awake for hours on end thinking of a future that held no ray of hope. It was during this traumatic period that she developed a fear of darkness. She heard her own voice of anguish crying in dismay as to how to bring up two little children single-handed in a foreign country.

She heard another voice, Mohit's deep voice asking her to get up, to gather her confidence and strength of mind. She remembered his words before they were married.
" One reason why I wanted to marry an educated girl is that she could stand on her feet independently, find a job for herself if necessary and live a contented life." Moksha was impressed by his ideas on education.

Mohit's words were like a seed sown in the deeper layers of her consciousness.They echoed through Moksha's mind. On the next morning she got up from bed with renewed energy and she knew what to do with hers and her children's lives. The strong personality of Mohit stood by her like a beacon light guiding her through the unknown lanes of future.

The first sensible step she took was to call for her parents to join her. Despite her dad’s weak sight, they rushed to Toronto after taking care of their affairs back home in India.

It took Moksha another two years to find a suitable job in a business sector. As an accountant, she was paid well. She was able to overcome financial problems, one step at a time. Insecurity and sorrow pained her no more.

"Why don't you apply to the authorities for your parents' old age pension, now that they have a permanent residential status?" advised Thelma, her colleague at the firm. Moksha, followed her advice and applied accordingly to the department.

Moksha was jolted out of memory lane by the slamming of a car door. She looked around. The porch was awash in mid-morning sunshine. The gardenia, by the steps filled the air with its sweet fragrance. The gentle wind helped it spread all over the front yard.

"Mom, we had a great time at the fair. Grandpa and Grandma enjoyed the rides and we had ice cream and lots of yummy things," said Amala, a beautiful girl of sixteen. Her brother, Ankit, followed with the elderly couple. The kids were home for summer vacation.

Moksha sighed in contentment feeling thankful for the blessings of God and the inspiring memory of her loving husband, Mohit.