This is My Title? Help Me, Please!

Pssst, over here. Don't say 'WHAT?' - be quiet about it.
Duh, when someone says pssst there's an implied shhh in it.
Ok, so don't get your nose all outta joint, just come here.
I know who you are and I'm glad to see you because
I happen to know you're pretty handy with the old pen.
Lord only knows what you're doing here; slumming maybe
or perhaps you just happened to be stumbling on by.
I mean you didn't come here on purpose, that's for sure.
Honestly, I don't give two shakes why you're here,
you're here now and I've got this proposition for you.

I want you to adopt me. I'm desperate you understand?
You don't know what it's like to be me...I'm toast, I'm doomed.
I'm absolutely guaranteed to never amount to anything
with this hackneyed, dyslexic author doing all the “writing.”
I mean I have no style, no imagery, not one single metaphor,
but here's a metaphor for you; if his writing were his “game”
it'd be nothing but trash talk backed by weak junk. Or better yet,
his writing is as awkward as a pimply-faced teenager trying to
undo the brassiere of his petrified date on Junior Prom Night.

I have no measure, no rhythm, no flow, and no meter -
I secretly suspect numbnuts doesn't know what meter is.
I MEAN JUST LOOK AT ME (and so I rest my case).
It's time you came along and put things to right.
You need to take me home then fix and tune me up.
Better yet, do it right and give me a complete overhauling.
I hate who I am, so rip me apart and start from scratch.
Then, lastly, delete his name and throw yours up.
I know you've already seen how I can be rectified
so get off your keister and do it already, git 'r dun.

I see from the look in your eyes you're not going for this.
You're going to pretend you never read me and just move on
probably to less needy TarynSloane ~ Writing pieces
or some polished Devil's Delight-Cherry .
But you and I know the truth. You could have made a difference
and adopted me, but it was too much effort. So before you go,
you coward, I'm begging you - bang out a comment out in
the review box below. Then maybe I'll end up the semblance
of what a poem should be. Really, it's the least you can do.