WHAT NOW

The news pierced my heart,
An icicle stabbing at my soul,
Gone!
How could it be true?
This was not what was to be
This was not what had been planned.

Over and over
The words played.
Repeating themselves.
Laughing at my pain.
Screaming into my very being
Until nothing was left
But that dull, unfeeling throb of emptiness.

What now?
My heart asked
But there was no answer.
My insides screamed.
But no soft voice whispered words of solace.

What now, what now, what now
Lay frozen there inside me
With no thoughts for tomorrow
No answers to that silent taunt.
What now stayed buried with that simple "gone."

I was gone too.
Whatever I once had been
Was naught but a frozen shell.
I sat. I remembered. I cried. I screamed at the walls.
But I did not move.
Over and over came that same message - gone.

Then one day a mini-ray of sunlight
Crept into my winter hibernation
A miniscule particle of tenderness
From someone's caring
Melted one icicle in my
Cave of frozen despair.
One icicle and then one more.

And on and on and on
Until once again I was alive.
Able to face that nagging
What now.
Able to feel the love around me
Able to accept that life goes on.

For true life - true living - is not a frozen cave
Of silent lonliness.
True life is loving, caring, laughing, sharing,
And yes crying, aching, and moving on.
Autumn's dying embers
And the icy stillness of frozen winter
Must give way to
Spring's new beginnings and
Summer's warm contentment.

For each has its place
In the wonderful fullness of live.