Letters From London (Chpt 1)

Chapter One

S
he sat alone at the edge of the park taking in the heartbreaking air of London. Three years ago Allison Davis sat on this very bench swearing she would never even look for flights back here. Today, there she sat eating her words. Perched on the bench Allie was a statue, a very well dressed statue staring into one of London’s most esteemed parks. The air, bitter and crisp pushed her to burrow deeper into the black faux fur lined leather jacket. It kept her warm as she watched couples walk by, huddling together. Allie glared at each couple so in love, their eyes filled with innocence. Her eyes narrowed in on each couple analyzing the future length of the doomed relationship. She scoffed silently as each boy and girl blindly walked through the park, their hands intertwined. Allie’s eyes, full of wisdom and bitterness, watched each couple pass until they disappeared from view.  Years ago she was that innocent girl walking with a boy not noticing the world around her, the impending end of happiness or the heartbreak that would come next.
         She could see him walking towards her. He was tall, his hair a mess like he had just rolled out of bed and decided to take a stroll in the park. He wore expensive dark jeans, a white button up shirt un-buttoned a bit at the top peeking out under a black pea-coat. His eyes were green jewels thrown against his dark brown locks. He had a dangerous look in his eyes, a troubled soul in his body and a rebel reputation to uphold. Allie watched him walk by, sauntering by, as if to linger in her mind forever. There he was with the long blonde haired girl and with a brunette with curls and the red-headed lanky woman in heels. Each time his eyes met hers. The green jewels blazing into her own blue eyes burning their image forever into her mind. He was there in the park walking by her laughing with dangerous eyes searing into hers while his arm was pulled by another woman. He walked past three, four, five times and each time Allie’s heart sank lower. This had been their park, their bench, their memories.
Yet, Allie sat alone on a concrete bench blending in with the background of trees with a dark crotched beanie, a plaid scarf, her black leather jacket and a pair of brown equestrian boots to help fight off the cold air. A light mist of rain fell from the sky but she couldn’t make herself move to get out of it. Her long brown hair covered her shoulders in curls under the beanie on her head. Her face didn’t hold much make-up but its features still beckoned the world to stop and stare for a moment. Though she was young she had the beauty of the past, an old soul of glamour and class. Her face was built for silent films full of expression and mystery. Growing up in the glow of California, her skin was kissed with the sun and her body sat thin but athletic. People would pause as they passed hoping she was a celebrity hiding from America, but soon not being able to recognize her they would scurry off, leaving her be.
She sat alone among lively trees that kept a cold company. Their branches and hollow insides whispered stories of the past above her. She could hear the story of their break-up in the wind. It was cold like that night. A deep breath filled her lungs trying to choke back the feelings that threatened to consume her again. The pain still stung her heart as if it were last night that he said he never wanted to see her again.  Looking forward, staring hard into the park, she tried to ignore the trees as they laughed but they grew louder. Their secrets and stories of her old life filled the air, stinging her heart and body with a deep coldness one only feels in relation to loneliness. Allie sat motionless. Her heart raced as the wind tickled her face inviting her to remember. Over and over it pushed up against her until she was forced to move. She yanked on her scarf pulling it in closer as if to guard her heart from the taunting of the past.
Three years ago she sat on this bench deep within the gardens of London. The trees would dance with her sharing in her joy. They would sway to the music of love all around them. Now they whisper her secrets for everyone to listen only pausing every now and then to blanket her with stares of rejection. Where of stories life, love and happiness once were, gossip and hatred now resided. Her eyes could spot the leaves rotting below the bodies of the trees. Once so full of life now they sat below dying, gasping for air along with the happiness they once told. The small winged creatures that sang songs from the highest branches steered away from the trees now afraid to get stuck in their webs and trapped as she had been sitting below. The branches would stretch out to anyone to pass on the rumors of the lonely girl below them. They would tell anyone the secrets of that night her world turned upside down here on this very bench. 
Whispers filled the park, she couldn’t escape. The faster they whispered the more Allie could feel them casting down an angry eye at her. Her body was numb while her heart raced. It was another gossip story for all of London to hear, front page news. Allie’s blue eyes watched the ground as he walked by again. The mist of rain was starting to drench her curls that peeked out from under the beanie on her head. The cold wind was starting to hit her bones. She couldn’t take it anymore. No matter how hard she tried they got louder and louder until finally she broke. “Shut up already!” she whispered in a raspy voice jumping up from her perch on the bench. Their tirade against her kept on going, getting louder and louder.
That was enough. Kensington Gardens was full of laughter and smiling faces, all but her own and the trees made sure she knew. There he was again walking towards her in the rain.

His right hand held a red umbrella and his left hand held hers. It was right before dusk, before the park would close they decided to take a stroll through the park like usual. Myles held her hand loosely. Something was wrong. His green eyes stared ahead, his lips sealed shut. His mind was in full force turning and turning through thought after thought. Allie glanced over at him as the rain started to pound harder on the red shelter above them. Allie squeezed his hand hoping to pull him from the world he was currently trapped in. He forced a smile and led her over to their bench. The trees around them cried with the heavy rain that fell on them. Myles sat on the back of the concrete bench, his Italian leather shoes soaked resided in the seat of the bench. He handed the umbrella to Allie who stood in front of him.
She took it from him. “Allie,” he said in a low tone.
Her heart dropped into her stomach. Emotion was rising up in her. He had been so weird all night, through the romantic candle light dinner he planned out and now through this stroll in the park. Allie’s mind raced towards the ultimate worst case scenario. This couldn’t be the end.
“Allie we need to talk.” His voice was sad, a deep tone of regret trying to mask itself in strength.
Air departed her lungs and then her lips. This was not happening. She stared off into the trees as the rain poured from their leaves.
“I think it’s time for you to go back to the States.” Her eyes turned to see his hair soaked to his face, his green eyes staring deeply into hers. She had no words. Allie felt the umbrella drop from her hand, sliding across the rain soaked ground as the wind picked it up and took it from them. He looked straight at her, waiting for something, some kind of response. Anger, confusion, hurt, pain, sadness, defeat… they all started to rise up in her.
He was sending her home.
“Allie?” She heard him say as she started to walk away.
“Allie!” he called out from behind her.
She didn’t stop, she couldn’t stop. She had to keep going.
“Allie!”

  She couldn’t take it anymore. She looked around her. He was part of every happy couple she passed. Their faces of bliss were driving her mad. Their laughter rocked her heart. The smiles and the utter romance of two people caused her heart to turn as cold as the rain falling down on her face and the whispers kept adding to their story. She could not stand there anymore. She had to get away from it. She had to get out of the park.
Each step brought another jab of pain to her heart but it needed to be relived if she would be here for that long.  She followed the Gardens away from Queensway where she had once been in love. Things were so exciting back in that time. Nothing could have touched her when she was there in the safe haven of a mix of culture and existence. Life had no boundaries back with that girl. Her heart could have withstood the biggest hurricane. Her soul had already been through some of the toughest life events anyone could go through. She was fearless, fun, and flirty. She could bring a smile to anyone’s face and she could spark a dull day with her life.
That was the girl of four years ago. She was not the same person now. The “new her” was a professional at avoiding subjects she felt would waste her time. She never spent a second trying to make people laugh. She didn’t have time to bring that amount of joy to someone’s life when she was trying to build a career to protect her heart behind. She became a woman who did not need love in her life to make her whole. She had run away from the truth of her soul, which she couldn’t hide from herself, but she could hide it from the world. Love had made her stupid. Bringing happiness to the world around her only left her heart open for the world to crush it. The girl dancing joyfully in the life of Queensway could never make it in the real world.
Allison Davis was not afraid to feel inner turmoil, nor was she afraid to relate to a time in the past. She was more afraid to return and see the things that hurt her more than words could ever capture on paper.  She had run for so long hoping it would all fade. She had faced the grief and the pain once before, feelings she did not want to show others. She had to be strong. She couldn’t let herself fall victim to her weakness again. She couldn’t trust anyone with her heart or her soul, not even herself. Allie saw the beauty in the world around her. She saw the faces of yesterday and the memories of the years before, but she could not let them hold her captive. Her soul was a fool. Her heart had some remodeling that still needed to be done and her mind had to prove that it was not weak. She had to become a new person. She had to be strong. This time had to be different.
The rain changed from a mist to a pour as she walked through the crowded streets of London.  Nobody seemed to mind the rain. They all bustled by bidding hello to some and brushing off others. Allie kept her head up high looking at the world around her. The smell of rain and the sound of people talking in hurried voices filled her mind, taking her from the sullen world reality had created around her. She had let herself reminisce for a little too long. Allie pulled her coat tighter as if to remind herself of who she was now. A professional at being strong, she could do this all without the thought of the park. Working in London, while keeping her heart strong, would be possible. She knew she could do it as long as her emotions kept in check. Yet, the more steps she took from the park, the more she felt her heart tear away from her.          
Allie was not ready to let herself fall victim to yesterday. She set out towards her flat in Camden. Returning to the city had been solely for the purpose of a job, not a rationalized decision of torture made on her own terms. She had been sent to be the editor and chief of the new edition of an American magazine branching out to foreign territory. Forever was an uprising innovative magazine in the US; a high fashion magazine taking control of the fashion world. It had swept the States with its big sales and with its success, now it was time for the company to branch out. Keeping that in mind the Publisher, Brad Garrison, handpicked Allie to run the London edition. At first, the idea made Allie sick. She had only been out of college for two years and it was in London of all places. She tried to turn it down insisting her ability to run a magazine was far from being developed. Mr. Garrison wouldn’t hear of it. After weeks of pushing and pushing, he managed to convince Allie to take the job. A few weeks later, she was on the plane. Nine hours, a rather disgusting plane food dinner, and no sleep, Allie stepped out into the very city she had sworn to never return.
Allie steered her way through the London streets, her heart and mind conflicted over the reality of being back. The pressure she felt to take the job had clouded her judgment and being in the park for a few moments proved exactly why she had said no in the first place. She wasn’t ready, and now she had to do everything in her power to stay convinced that she could do this. The rain camouflaged the silent tears that ran down her face. It was okay to cry when no one could tell the difference. It was getting colder by the minute as night started to settle in over the buildings and streets of the city. Allie’s jeans were drenched in water as she rounded the corner to the nearest Underground Station. The warm air was all she could think of; a seat and nice warm air far from the wetness of the weather.  That’s when she saw him, this time it was truly him.
         Allie saw Myles and immediately hurried on by, her eyes lingering for a second on his face. She couldn’t take the heartbreak of another moment with him three years after the first. She had to keep going. She had to stay strong. Allie put one hand to her chest to attempt to hold her heart in as it tried to jump out. It was no use though. It was bound to escape. It wanted to go back to him. It wanted to leave the fake Allie it was beating inside. Her hands were shaking, her legs couldn’t move fast enough. Panic swept over her body. This was not happening. Allie sighed and tried to blink back the tears from falling onto her cheeks. This time there was not anything to hide them with from the rest of the world. She could not let her tears and heart get the best of her now, not now.
Allie sat on the tube numb all over. He must have still owned the studio in this side of town overlooking Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park. It was odd but he looked older than he had when she went back the States. The innocent rough boy look of his college days had gone replaced by a corporate robot twin version of his father. He looked so professional, unlike himself in a big business suit, wool jacket and brief case. The job from his father must have paid off nicely. He even parted his brown hair down one side, one thing he had sworn never to do. No matter how he looked though, Allie still could have melted for his dark green eyes. Every emotion she worked to hide over the years came flooding back with only one glance of him. 
         The tears fled from her eyes. She couldn’t hold them back anymore. All emotion was rushing from her. Working here was going to be harder than she thought. Allie couldn’t live in the same city as Myles. There was no way she had ever thought in her right mind this could be possible. The temptations to fall back into the old routines were standing at the front of enemy lines pointing their weapons at her, looking to invade. One glimpse of the real Myles, so different than the Myles in her head all these years, brought everything back. Allie wiped her eyes.
“No I can do this. I’m not her anymore,” she whispered softly to herself. “I’m not her.”


Myles McGowan stepped out of the tube station as Allie stepped in and within seconds, her long brown hair and blue eyes caught his attention. The phone in his hand fell from his ear to the ground, as she brushed past him. His mouth hung open in amazement. His eyes followed her path. He watched the dark beanie on top her head fade into station.
         “It couldn’t be,” he whispered to himself as he stopped watching her put her ticket in the machine. Within seconds she passed through the bars and out of sight. It had to have been a look-a-like, another memory from the past.
         Myles shook his head realizing the phone that was no longer near his ear. He reached down slowly to pick it up staring into the tube station entrance enchanted by the Allie look-a-like he had just seen.
“Yes, I’m here, but I have to go. Call the office and leave a message and I’ll get back to you,” he said hanging up the phone without waiting for a reply from the other side.  His blue eyes stared down the tunnel leading down to the tube, searching for another chance to see the girl.
         His mind was playing with hi,m. That was the most reasonable answer for it all. He had seen her all over town in the past few years but each woman never looked just like her. They were either too tall, too small, their nose too long, or their eyes green and not blue. This girl felt real though, she felt different as she passed by. Her eyes were the perfect shade, her hair was a little darker but the lights mixed with the rain water could be the explanation for that. It couldn’t have been her, no matter how real she really felt. It couldn’t have been her, she wouldn’t come back here. Not after that last winter, she wouldn’t come back, not after what he said to her. Not after the incident in the park.
Myles shook his head again hoping to erase her from his mind. The crowd pushed by him and before he could do anything irrational like getting back on the tube to see if it had been her, he was swept towards his studio.
“Great timing,” he said shaking his head and looking up to the sky.
         He had finally drank her from his thoughts last night, and this morning poured the rest of the alcohol down the drain, but now it seemed as if he had thought it was over too soon. The memories of sweet Allie and that year he had her to himself completely, once again haunted him. One glimpse of her in the tube station and her memory came back to him full force, again. Three years later, she still troubled him in his every move.