The Headache Plan

I squeezed my eyes shut, praying away the headache that was consuming my life would finally go away. My wife, Candy, sat beside me and patted my shoulder. No words were necessary I knew that she had tried everything in her power to help me but nothing seemed to. In fact with every remedy that we tried it got worse and worse. Tylenol made me ralph all over the place, warm towel wrapped around my neck only intensified the headache, and the temple massage Candy gave me was nearly my undoing. “Maybe you should go to the doctor and see what he has to say, hon.”

She was right of course, but why should I pay some quack 45 dollars to tell me that I’m sick. It’s not as if I don’t know that already. She smiled at me, pity in her eyes and a knowing look that told me that my argument against going to the doctor was not needed, we had already been over this many times. “Maybe I will go to doctor if this doesn’t ease up soon. I swear that God is trying to get me into heaven before my time.”

“Now you know better than that. We have too much work here on Earth to do; God wants us to do his work.” She winked at me and left me in peace on the bed. I laid down, and closed my eyes again. Maybe if I prayed hard enough the headache would go away and I could finally get back to doing what I wanted to do.

I must have passed out because a noise from downstairs shocked me awake. Candy must have gone to the market for dinner or a new medicine that she wanted me to try. I tried to sit up, but my head felt like it was filled with lead and I fell back onto my pillow. A crash made me try to get up again, this time I had better luck.

I had to move slowly, it felt as if I had no energy. When I reached the staircase, I tried to call out for Candy but I had no voice. It was as if my vocal chords had decided to constrict and send all of the blood they used to my head so it could throb more. I almost turned back to go back to bed when I heard Candy cry out. It was a sound that I had never heard come out of her before, like a cat being strangled.

Panic filled my body as I creeped down the stairs. My knees felt wobbly, but I knew that my wife was in trouble. I needed to be the man and save her from whatever was hurting her. I finally made it to the den and was shocked to see a round butt moving back and forth with my wife’s legs wrapped around it. My head pounded harder, as tears slipped down my face.

“Oh shit!” The boy who cut our lawn muttered, when he turned his head and seen me. Without missing a beat, he turned back to Candy. “You told me that the old man was out cold.”

“I thought he was,” Candy did not sound upset that I had caught her with the younger man. In fact her voice almost sounded pleased that I had found the two of the together. I understood her need to be with a man physically, and because of this headache I had not been able to live up to my husbandly duties lately. But I never expected her to find solace in the pants of another man. “What are you doing awake?”

“Apparently finding out that my wife is committing adultery!” A sharp pain raced through my head. I closed my eyes and waited for it to fade. When I opened them again, Candy and the lawn boy were fully dressed and looking at me weirdly. “What’s going on?”

“Mr. White, I think you were having some sort of bizarre episode or something. You accused Mrs. White of cheating on you, with me. I would never do something like that.” The poor lad looked sincere, but I hadn’t hallucinated he had been naked with my wife, I was sure of it.

“Leonard, honey, you need to go to a doctor and find out what is causing this,” Her voice sounded strained, as though she was actually concerned for me. How could she cheat on me and then care about why my head hurt so badly. Things weren’t adding up for me, something was off about this situation. I could not put my finger on it but I knew that it wasn’t right.

I turned away from them and closed my eye letting a tear slip out of it. Had I dreamed up the scenario of them sleeping together? If I had, why would I think that about them? There was no reason for me to think that they would want to sleep together or that Candy was stepping out on me with anyone. When I turned back around to apologize I was surprised to see Candy crumpled to the floor, and the lawn boy once again naked. “What’s going on?”

“I followed your plan exactly. Now we can claim that you were having delusions and seeing things that weren’t really happening. I’ll call the police and let them know that I found the bimbo dead, and that you are acting strangely. They’ll investigate but never put us together as co-conspirators.”

“Just give me the anti-dote,” I whispered as my lover jumped into my arms, kissing me on my lips. His body pressed against mine and it all fell into place. Laurence, or lawn boy, and I had been having an affair for months but he wanted more. I couldn’t divorce my wife so we concocted a scheme to kill her off, and no one would be blamed for it. My headaches had been the result of cyanide poisoning, the same thing that killed Candy.

1,000 words.