Undecided atm.

Mom was sitting on the couch, smoking a cigarette and watching Jerry Springer. The apartment reeked of cigarette smoke. At least I smoked outside. She was to lazy to get up.
"You shouldn't be smoking in the apartment mom, we could get in trouble for that. We won't have anywhere else to live.."
"Shush, I'll worry about the things like that." I rolled my eyes, she wouldn't worry about the things like that, she'd forget that she said that in ten minutes. I sighed and went to check my Facebook. "Honey! While you're up could you get me something to eat?"
"You're legs aren't broken."
"No, but your's will be." I reluctantly pushed away from the computer and sauntered in the kitchen. She did nothing for herself, ever. The only things she did were sit on her ass or hide in her room doing things she didn't want my brother and I to see. Which was stupid because we knew what it was.
"Lo?" I spun around to see my younger brother, Landon, looking up at me. "Can I go hang with some friends at the skate park?"
"I don't see why not, be home by ten though, kay?" He nodded then ran out of the apartment. Mom didn't even care. Didn't even notice. I sliced some cheese, spread the mayo on the bread, and as quietly as I possibly could, spit on it, smeared it with the knife, put it all together then passed it along to the lazy bitch. She nodded and snatched it from my hand.
"I'm going out."
"That's cool?"
"Sure is. Don't wanna know where I'm going or anything?"
"What do you want?"
"A mom who gives a shit!" I screamed as loud as I could. She looked startled. Good. "But I can see that, that's never going to happen, so bye."
"I put a roof over your head and food in your mouth!"
"Barley! You've gotten us kicked out of so many houses! I take care of Landon! I feed Landon! I know where he is, you didn't even know he left! I'm his mother! You're just the waste of skin that gave birth to him."
"How fucking dare you." She started to stand up.
"Oh wow, I didn't know your lazy ass was capable of getting off the couch!" I said sarcastically, pushing every button I could. She started to come at me, tried to grab a handful of my hair. I deeked to the side, and dashed for my keys and made it out the door safely. "Crazy bitch." I muttered to myself.
"Are you ok honey..?" Mrs. Philips, the old lady who lived across the hall from us was poking her head out her door.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks. My mom's just being herself."
"You sure you're fine? If you need anything, I'm here baby."
"I will be. And thank you." I walked over and gave her a hug then carried on with my journey. Mrs. Philips has been more of a mom for Landon and I, than my mom has been our whole lives. I dashed out of the building and out of the parking lot, Alia was waiting at the end of the street.
"You're alive!" She yelled throwing her hands up int he air when I came into view.
"Really?" I said quietly so she couldn't hear. It didn't feel like I was alive. I felt more than dead.
"Where's Landon?"
"Skate park with his friends. He has to be home by ten." She nodded.
"So, what do you wanna do?"
"Smoke a fucking joint."


We found a secluded area behind a park, trees surrounded us in every direction. Above us, beside us, behind us, in front of us. Nothing but trees.Tall trees, their limbs twisting in odd directions, and scary formations. Shorter fatter trees. Trees. We stumbled across a soft mossy patch in the middle of the surreal forest and plopped down happy to have finally found the perfect spot.
"Have a lighter?" She asked pulling out her white glasses case, painted rasta colours with nail polish.
"Mhm," I tossed it in her lap and laid back in the moss.
"Are you ok?" Smoke blew in my face as she asked the question, I took my toke before replying to her.
"I don't know. I guess not. Well I've never been "ok"."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm fucked up! Landon's fucked up! My mother, is fucked up... Beyond belief."
"You and Landon aren't fucked up. It's just you're mom. You've made Landon a million times better than he would've been if you're mom was taking care of him."
"Well fuck, he would've been like me when I was his age. And I don't really want that to happen."
"Did I know you then?"
"You met me a year after. Aspen and I were friends."
"Tell me what you were like Logan." She giggled then laid down into the moss with me.


When I was fourteen I was bad. Not as bad as I could have been, but bad. My mom never watched me, never asked where I was going or what I was doing. Just never cared.