Abominable Chicken Man

-Abominable Chicken Man-
by
Keaton Foster



Today I was at the zoo
I instantly became unglued
I was like man, WTF are you?
In a crowd of only two
A stranger of a being
Far stranger than me
Was standing way too close
So close that I am sure
That if him and I were naked
Our pubes would be touching
I know what you’re saying
That is absolutely disgusting
True, but really come on
What do you expect
From a poem named
"Abominable Chicken Man!"
I know that what is funny to me
May be considered retarded by you
But keep an open mind
Let the weirdness inside
You may chuckle some
Just a little but
Then again you may be humbled
As a poet, this man named Keaton
Wait did I just refer to myself as “myself?”
Jesus, I have gone off the rails
I can write just about anything
Even things that do not make
A God damn bit of sense
Ok, so now where was I again?
I turned to him, face to face
Dude, hey you, thing
Give me some space
Back way the fuck up
He did not reply
At least not with words
He just made a sound
A series of them to be exact
Cluck, cluck, cluck!
Who replies like that?
Are you on crack?
Why you being so whack?
Again he just made a sound
A series of them to be exact
Cluck, cluck, cluck!
Angrier still I went on
I know this is a zoo
And you might be an animal
That has escaped from its cage
But that does not give you the right
To be all up in my grill
Step the fuck off
Back that shit up
And please stop clucking at me
Because you see unwelcomed friend
I have been known to eat a chicken or two
And to prove it, look, see, right here
I always carry a bottle of wing sauce
Unphased by my threats
Again he just made a sound
A series of them to be exact
Cluck, cluck, cluck!
That’s it, I snapped
I’m gonna kill your punk ass!
Deep fry you in some grease
And chow down and eat
“Say hello to my little friend!”
Quoting Scarface, seemed appropriate
Because let’s face it
Him and I were way past
Me repeatedly saying
“You talking to me?”
I pulled out my knife, ready to slice
Just then, from nowhere seen
A zookeeper did indeed scream
Sir, please step back
That is an escaped
Abominable chicken man
And he can be quite dangerous
Before I could reply
Before I could step to the side
Or hit the deck
A net, fired from a hip cannon
Landed on both him and I
Instantly we fell to the ground
Struggling to get free
Closer still him and I began to seem
An equally shitty predicament
Will facilitate such relationships
We both looked at each other
And let out a loud series of replies
Cluck, cluck, cluck, WTF!!!


Abominable Chicken Man
Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2012.