The House That Holds My Unreclaimed Life

  I stopped at the house today. The one that holds my true heart... my true soul. After driving by the house countless times each week, today I decided it was time to stop.

  Parking where I could see the yard, back door, and the porch, I hoped that no one was home and would come out and ask me what I was doing there.
No cars around told me that I was safe to sit here for awhile. I sat there wondering aloud; “What good could possibly come out of this."

  A few minutes went by and suddenly I saw her. I was frightened that she would see me, but after a few seconds it became apparent that of course she couldn't see me.

  She stood there holding a coffee cup looking at her flower bed that was full of rich, vibrant colors. A smile appeared on her face as she looked down at the cat that was rubbing against her legs. She put down her coffee cup and sat in the wicker rocker, pulling the cat onto her lap. She sat there with her eyes closed as if she were in deep prayer, all the while stroking the pretty black and white cat. The look that came over her face was one of pure serenity and bliss. I envied her for looking so peaceful and serene. The door opened and a handsome young man walked over to her and kissed her before disappearing down the porch stairs.

  I couldn't pull myself away, watching her I could feel the peace that she was feeling, and the joy that was inside of her. When the door opened again a beautiful young girl, with a cat tucked in her arms, and a dog trailing behind her, came out on the porch and kissed the woman's cheek. Opening her eyes the woman smiled and held her arms open to the girl for a hug. Again I could feel the love and joy that she was feeling at that very moment. The young girl seemed to be bubbling over with joy and excitement. Her pretty eyes sparkled with happiness.

  The woman rose from the chair, hugged the girl again, and went inside the house. I couldn't help but notice how straight she walked, the air of confidence that surrounded her, even though there were flashes of strife that crossed her face more then once, she still seemed to have it all together.

  The girl was now swinging on a tire swing that hung from a big tree in the backyard. The dog and cat were busy playing close by. The woman appeared again, this time it looked like she was yelling over to the girl and motioning her to come inside. Smiling the young girl got down from the swing and skipped across the yard and into the house. I wondered if I would ever see them again.

  Moments later my question was answered. I watched as they both emerged from the house and walked down the stairs towards me. I felt trapped but could not move. Not even looking my way they climbed into a van. I hadn't even noticed the van that was parked next to me the whole time that I sat watching them. Both were laughing and talking as the van slowly backed out from its parking spot. Suddenly I was shocked back into reality, it all made perfect sense. The fall flowers, the feeling in the air, the girl's age, and the confident look on the woman's still pretty face. Suddenly terrified, I screamed for them to stop, they had to be warned, they had to know what they were heading into.

  Continuing up the long driveway I screamed again for them to stop, but they still drove on, oblivious to me. The words that I needed to tell them stuck in my throat. There was nothing that I could do. I couldn't change the past, the fate that awaited them was just that... fate.

  As I sat there I was suddenly frozen in fear. Knowing what was going to happen next and that there was nothing that I could do to stop it, caused tears to start running down my cheeks. I knew that in only moments that pretty, confident woman who was full of hopes and dreams, would slowly but surely... become me.

  Her fate will lead her to forever hold onto this day...this time...and this place. Absolutely nothing she will ever do will allow her to reclaim her heart and her soul. They will stay buried here along with all of the other things that she was forced to leave behind. Forever frozen in time... a time that will hold onto her forever and never allow her to escape.

*Inspired by my daughter Larissa's encounter at this house one evening.