Moments of You

"Moments of You"

When we first met
down by that waterfront Manhattan college
                                          (in Battery Park City)
I was baffled by you.
I couldn't even say your name correctly!
(and I'm good at names!)
That day was .. a little confusing.

Another time, 
as Thanksgiving approached 
you bestowed little turkey stickers - to me - to others
  (I still have that sticker).
What to make of that?
An adult doing a childish thing
  (you still do these wonderful, childish things).
It was ... pleasant, but strange.  
It was ... delightful, but strange.
It helped me, in some small way, to find ... joy.
  (I didn't realize back then that I even needed to find joy again)
I am far more open to joy now than I was, because of you
                                                         (thanks for that).

Another time, after we'd begun to know each other 
  (but quite far from really knowing each other)
     (do we know each other now?)
I remember sitting at a table
at an elegant NY restaurant.
And you quizzed one of our dinner partners - about office politics
  (the most boring quiz of all!).
And I thought you were ... poisonous.

Another time, maneuvered into a bar by our anxious colleague-manager,
We met as a team 
  (four of us back then;
   four of us meant to be a lean machine kind of team;
   four of us meant to be the Best of Friends.
   Our colleague manager was and still is anxious for us - that’s why we love him so) 
and spent a pleasant time being pleasant to each other.
You and I – we outlasted all the rest
  (we were more pleasant than they)
and you played a bizarre game
  (that game where I was made to be a famous architect;
   you brought random players from the bar
     [they didn't even know they were playing our game];
   I was supposed to hold court on topics architectural;
   I wasn't very good at it).
I thought you were ... kind of crazy 
                       (to be perfectly honest)
                       (thoughts of poison, on the other hand - these were long gone).

I remember another thing about that night.
As we played games and tried to out-pleasant each other,
We sat at this crowded bar
which was surely very crowded in the New York way of bars
but not so crowded that you need press against me so
which you did
             (press against me).
I thought that was ... well, I didn't know what to think.
And when I left the bar to catch my New Jersey train,
The look in your eyes was ... I thought they were hurt.

I remember another time, 
at a Dutch bar around the corner,
outlasting our colleagues once again,
talking like we always do,
I remember that out of nowhere - 
                                 you kissed me!
I was ... stunned.
I was ... happy.
I was also ... in turmoil
                          (I'm still in turmoil!).

I remember another time,
at a social event 
  (in honor of my little technical community),
you joined us.
That was different, unexpected.
And the social event lasted and lasted and lasted until it was far, far too late to go home.
And you invited me to your upper west side apartment.
And I slept on your bed that night 
                                   (morning, really)
                                                     on the edgiest edge of it.
That was ... peaceful.
It’s always peaceful when I do that.

I remember another time, it was very late again.
We decided that sharing your bed’s edge – this was not a good idea
                                          (I don’t remember why).
So we never went up to your apartment 
and instead I hopped into a late winter’s night taxi
to New York’s (lesser) famous transit landmark
and took my train home to New Jersey.
And you sent me a message from afar,
in those minutes after we separated,
  “I wish you didn’t have to leave.”
That ... broke my heart.

I remember other things –
  - secrets told
  - secrets heard
  - shameful memories shared
  - wonderful memories shared
  - our first argument
Things like this.

And though we circle, circle each other
and rarely meet at our circle’s center
  (as much as I wish we would!)
circling with you
creates wonderful moments -
                            these wonderful moments of you.