Who can you trust? Really?(Media satire)

FALSE NEWS REPORTS ON OBAMA CAUSES SCARE, PRESIDENT SAYS "NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT"

Readers from across the world were astounded by unreal sounding reports which surfaced today, seemingly linking Obama directly to Lucifer himself. While it may be true that Obama has been having tea parties with good old Big Red, it can now conclusively be said that the reports are at least partially false.

The soon to be compulsory RFID tags will in fact be inserted anally, and not implanted under the skin of the arms or forehead as the above mentioned reports would have you believe. Sources from within the Whitehouse have also confirmed that Obama will be attending the launch of the so called "roughly forced" ID tags in 2013, where he will be teaching dozens of lucky citizens the government endorsed meaning of "thumbs up" personally. The rumours that some women were to be allowed to accept the chip vaginally for medical reasons were officialy put to bed last Friday afternoon, when Obama made it clear that "everybody will be getting it up the ass from now on", in his address to the nation.

Some uncertainty still surrounds the expected lifespan of these electronic devices, leading to speculation that anal penetration might soon become an almost daily event for most Americans. All tolled, this reporter thinks the free and the brave have a lot to look forward to. With both the Squatting Prohibition Act and the Coughing Prohibition Act coming into effect this Christmas, the dark cloud of 2012 finally seems to be getting lubed up with the sensual silver lining of the greatest president in history.