Dialogue to the sounds of Vaccancy

Lately my life seems so empty and echos of the silence are even louder than the ratteling in my head. On Friday, and only Friday afternoons I escape the dwells of the basement at work.....the heat the smells, the aroma of food and spices and sweat and hard work, poured from the passion given to it directly by it's makers. Laborers of the kitchen dying daily for food service and love just to see a reciprocating grin on our customer's faces. (ahhh)



The smile in acceptance, the sex in ingredients of recipie and taste.There is sometimes no sweeter gratification than that  wich lies within granting youself one taste of your sacrifice. A sample of seduction......a bite of your craft!The weeks can sometimes fly by, galavanting on as if time never existed. As if your feet weren't screaming, your back not breaking halfway through.

Then that old familiar day comes (for me anyway). Monday to Friday fourty hours has raced me  and the release of the weekend's call is taunting on as other's cheer "Happy Friday"! It is on this very day that most of them join in the celebration of the time at hand. While I silently sit still; enjoying my melancholy, priding myself as I sneer because I know the truth of it all. Or, the truth as it exists for me. And possibly only me? (I wonder?)

Alone, alone. It's the very first and only word I can hear.It's all I can see and feel. This lonely state I'm in.Flashes of memory come flowing in again even from those desperate times before now....and I'm reminded. Just how cold it is. Just how dark the sky is this winter. Feels dark in my heart. Feels dark in my mind this time of day. My thoughts racing I attempt to provide some seense of comfort and rationality inside my head, but in my hesitation to rally up with the crowd  I begin to feel tears welling up in my eyes. The sting of tears familiar,..... like kissing or laughing or the smell of someone's skin and how it can linger. I am all too well familiar with where I am going, what  I've got in my life and what is waiting for me at home tonight. Just as every other Friday night before it.



Then it comes to mind exactly what I've been searching for all day. All week long. It comes to mind this desire of my heart running deep within. And this is precisely it. I tell myself not to ponder or wallow too long in it for fear I will slip into this "untouchable" place where no one might again rescue me. Smothered by the internal wishes that comfort most of those others that can return home to someone after the exhaustion of the work week has been long forgotten. But not me......I somehow have become the exception in this sinful game we call love. And relationship. I question why  it is that you,...or for that any other man can look directly at me, look right at my face....my lips, my eyes, my skin, my hair, my body, my passion, my hunger; and then say that you can walk away from me. That  easy.