Neuroses A collection of mad-song stanza poems written to free myself of complex ideas. |
-Neuroses- Mad-Song Stanza by Keaton Foster Good Intentions Each day I awake, most willingly Each night I fall asleep, most apprehensively The darkness comes no matter what I do I think I am past it, God I am a fool My good intentions will only get me so far- Could I Ever Understanding why is by far the hardest part The who is very clear, the what is God to me Rape and torture hurt so very much Even more when it’s by someone you love Forgiveness won't ever come, we are done stranger- Bang Counting down from one Pressing the gun against my head Soon I will be so very dead The walls will be stained red So much will be left unsaid- Murder Of A Life Live if I must, what choice do I have Most willing to die, death eludes me Fear nothing, except everything Born of death in waiting Rescue me from life, save me- Three Stones Fallen down, never to rise again Tossed off into the abyss I am made of stone Into the unknown I go Those I love are close behind- Nude Like a child, exposed to all that was shown I have learned to show much, painful lessons A survival tool, my way to fight back Without it I would have long since died I hold nothing back for the world to see, nothing- The Fire Burning bright in bitter rage Searing delight Rising like the sky Leaving ashes to the wind Scars never heal, unchanged, unresolved, my destiny- Cry Like water they fall, most silent Each one as endless at the last Purity of the soul expressed Cleansing me of all that I am A new day, a new way, no longer will I cry, I am free- Serves Me Right Life lessons, handed out in judgment Am I special, why me I scream Love me as your child, a boy can dream The truth is far more terrifying indeed You took everything, now I have nothing, serves me right- Broken Wings Falling like a stone from God's Heavenly abode Down I go, spiraling in a dizzying array Into the belly of the beast, back to humanity Turns out life was not done with me So I will reluctantly live, not even God wants me This hypocrisy knows no end- The Mask I Wear as One The truth, the lies, in between I reside I am a beast, I feast, I devour No one is safe, nothing is free The life I lead, the hate I breed I am my own enemy, my salvation is set askew I know nothing, except for what is seen in plain sight The mask I wear as one, is the true me I shall never reveal myself for what I am I shall always hide amongst the flock- The Serpents Bite The hiss of the beast, the rattle of his presence The life he breeds in me, I am reluctantly his to shape God Has forsaken me to the sins of my parents I am doomed, not much has changed, we all face doom The serpents bite, my life, one and the same- Remember The Lie The infant child of a whore, father unknown with great certainty She whispered I love you in my ear, I was only seconds old She said it would all be ok, that she would care for me I remember each terrifying line, I remember the lie I was her child, she was my mother, she loved me reluctantly She wanted to be free of the lie she told me, she set me free In the process she too was set free, I never saw her again I was raised by strangers, they loved me willingly- Crashing Down Rising like the sun, falling like the moon Each day comes, followed by the blackness of night Each dream of what could be is followed by reality Reality is what we face, factuality is are one truth Hope is an illusion, dreams are one and the same Crashing down all around is life, like the day and the night Like the truth, reality quickly replaces our dreams- Tearing Down Homes A family is defined as those whom are supposed love you most A love given from birth, theoretically unconditional No strings attached, no rules need apply Then why is it I am most alone? No one to calls to tell me of the love that is mine The love that is my birth right, is nowhere to be felt I am most alone, just like I was in the womb Not much has changed, just me lost in a sea of humanity Hypocrisy I scream- Broken Child of One Stranger called father where have you gone? Mother named whore what have you done? Brothers and sisters unknown to me A broken child of one, I have become On my own in this life, no one cares for me It is sad to say, it is even sadder to have to live this way I did nothing more than be born, no mistake, only payment Their sins have become mine, God is just unkind- The Darkness Like a beast of burden, it comes for me each night The darkness calls me back as the light fades away Shapes hide in plain sight, blackness falls down Distortion is king, even shadows hide away My foolish mind betrays me quite easily, reality is blurred My hope of the new day is to terrified to show itself I see nothing as I lay there in the darkness, yet I feel so much It soaks me, it penetrates me just like it did when it became mine It is pointless for me to try, my live just can't be lived - Hopes Happenstance Like a stone to the head, like a bullet to the gut Like life to the living, reality hits me as hard as a truck All I can do is live, what choice do I have? Surely death is an option, but I am just to afraid to die What if something more than the nothing I hope awaits? What if it is a place that makes this look like paradise by comparison? Hopes happenstance keeps me alive, all that happens is a side affect We hope and pray, then God answers us in the oddest of ways He sends us all that we don't need, or never will want It is all part of some test we are unwillingly taking I think I have failed- Neuroses Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2012. |