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It's been a while since I wrote anything meaningful or thought provoking. It's as thought my inspiration to write has died. Looking back on all my writing, I would have to say that, for the most part, that is true. All my writing seems to have a common theme: Darkness, Emotional, Depression. All those DID disappear for a while, after I dropped (or got kicked) out of college. But now, it seems they begin to resurface from a different cause. However, that isn't the purpose of my writing this time. For once, I am actually just writing... to write. These thoughts have been building up. I can only keep so much bottled in my head at a time when I am juggling half a million other tasks. Why is that? Why does my mind keep forming these dark and depressing thoughts? Can't it just be happy for once? But then, what is happiness? Happiness is an obscure thought, at least for me. All emotions, are just so... obscure... it's a wonder anybody tries to understand them at all. Sadness? Depression? Anxiety? Anger? Hate? Love..? Love... that is, to me at least, the most interesting of all emotions. As well as the hardest to explain. People say you need to love yourself before you can feel love for another. I say bullshit to that. For, I have loved, and still do love, somebody. But, I am far from loving myself. In fact, the emotion I feel for myself would border on hate. But I still love somebody. But, I get off topic. Unfortunately, I don't even know where the train of thought that had my previous topic went. It must've left the station. Farewell, oh wonderful thought. What an amazing thing, the human mind. Capable of unimaginable things. Processing so much information that even the worlds greatest super computers couldn't even do... Now all it wants to do is think about Her... The one I love... and the one I lost, who I cared deeply for. But, alas, mistakes were made and I failed in my duty to be somebody whom they could trust to care for them. Always had that issue... trying to figure out how to portrait how much I care for them. I have always had issues displaying emotions. I wonder if there is a term for somebody like that... For now, I just refer to myself as "emotionally retarded" I think that is a fitting term. Wow... my thoughts really are sporadic it's mildly entertaining if you think about it. But, once, just once... I would love to be able to produce a coherent form of literature without the need of feeling depressed... I wonder when that day will come. I know it will someday, I just wonder when... Until then, I guess depression be my muse and the dark abyss my home. While I write the thoughts that spring to life among those that lay dead.