Pick me - I love you!

         The new writing contest is posted and I intend to win this one by any means necessary. I have a plan to woo the judges with my charm, to send bonus points to the contest group and its little minions of administration, and to find all the stories of those associated with the contest and write reviews of such awesome praise about their ramblings that my name will become synonymous with the words ‘Master Reviewer’.

         The Scribing Crick is the contest name which seems like a silly name to me, but I can’t expect everyone to be as creative and original as myself. If I held a contest I would call it

Casper’s Creatively Cool Corner Concerning Classic Chronicles Contest.

         In one corner of the site banner would be a boss image of Casper Van Dien, and on the opposite side would be the heart-melting picture of Casper the Friendly Ghost. This design maximizes site visitors’ demographics.

         I’ll grab the female crowd with the dashing Casper Van Dien, the kiddies with Casper , the smarties with ‘Classic’, the goth crowd with ‘Creatively’, the jocks and populars with ‘Cool’, the geeks with ‘Chronicle’, the sci-fi crowd because of Van Dien’s role in Starship Troopers, the parenting groups with the word ‘Concerning’ (you know, concerned parents), the horror crowd with the cute big-headed ghost image, the winner crowd with ‘Contest’, cookie monster and cookie fans with the ‘C” alliteration - after all C is for cookie, and the old people crowd with… Well, I’ll add the words 'and Buffet' and I’ll have them too.

CASPER’S CREATIVELY COOL CORNER CONCERNING CLASSIC CHRONICLES CONTEST & BUFFET

That looks slick but let’s make it green:

CASPER’S CREATIVELY COOL CORNER CONCERNING CLASSIC CHRONICLES CONTEST & BUFFET

This way I also get the eco-friendly crowd.

         Unfortunately, I am entering the Scribing Crick Contest. You know, it sounds even more boring now, after reading CASPER’S CREATIVELY COOL CORNER CONCERNING CLASSIC CHRONICLES CONTEST & BUFFET in green text with Casper Van Dien and Casper the Friendly Ghost images in the corners. I am giving this idea to the Scribing Crick Contest creators. One step down: wooing the contest sponsors -

         Next I’ll have to review each of the stories in every judge and contest affiliated person’s portfolio and send a magnanimous review. Hold on, one sec…

         Whoa, that is over three hundred stories. Just between you and me, I have never read any of the stories on the site and I’m not about to start with three hundred of them. I’ll have to use the blanket review message. Thank God and Apple for cut and paste. Ok, what to say,

                   Dear Reader, no wait, I am the reader.

                   Dear Writer (good start)

                                       Your story / poem / musing / observations / dribble / nonsensical babbling / political dogma / other was very good. I like the second sentence the best – it rocked! Woo-Woo. Your use of symbolism or allegorical interruptions made me wet my pants. Seriously, I pissed myself. Awesome. Keep on righting!

         Your Review Master,
                   Andrew Johannesburg Magillicutty, Jr, Esquire, Knight of the Fried Chicken Tables aka Shake’s Spear

         Damn, it is only 50 words. I want those bonus points for reviews so I’ll just paste the same thing five times in each review. I smell a winner in the making here! –

         Now to send the bonus points to the contest and all the contest minions. Let’s see, I have 50 bonus points. I’ll send the contest 10 BPs, and each trained minion will get 1 bonus point for a total of 15 bonus points. That will leave me with 35 BPs left. But I really want one of those site logo mugs. I have been saving a long time, at least six weeks, and I still need another 95,500 BPs. I think I will keep my bonus points, I really want that mug!

         If I remember correctly, I earned my 50 points by writing an awesome review of a story called Mipplomena’s Dilemma of Conscience. It read something like this:

                   Dear Writer

                             Your poem was very good. I like the second sentence the best – it rocked! Woo-Woo. Your use of symbolism or allegorical interruptions made me wet my pants. Seriously I pissed myself. Awesome. Keep on righting!

         Your Review Master,
                   Andrew Johannesburg Magillicutty, Jr, Esquire, Knight of the Fried Chicken Tables aka Shake’s Spear

         I think I will just send an email to the contest people and tell them I plan to send them 1000, no, 2000 bonus points in the near future. I will tell them I am suing the community site and plan to settle in bonus points. My win will be their win. Done and

         All I have left to do is write my submission. Piece o’ cake:

Dressed as a bee
There is no fee
I wonder, gee,
if that is he

who possesses the key
to the tomb of Robert E Lee
Do not ask me
on bended knee

whilst you pee
on a statue of Syngman Rhee
if I see
the cup of tea
that is so wee

         Winner! Yes, and done in record time. Just need to check the rules and submit.

-Items posted as b-item. Whatever - I never do that. I’ll slap that bad boy right in the forum. They’ll get it, although sometimes it seems to get deleted. I need to put in a tech support case about that.

-Submission time – , Word limit – ,

-Writing Prompt: Use the words “And then there were none” Dang it. Quick edit…

…the cup of tea
that is so wee
And then there was none

-No fawning sycophants What in the name of Uncle Buck’s liver spots does that mean? What a stupid looking word. It probably means none of those sicky sex stories. No worries.

         Finally, I’ll just IM each judge and tell them how awesomely, wonderful they and their writing are and I’ll have this in the bag.

SUBMIT.

WORD COUNT: 996