Punch-Butt's Crusade

Punch-Butt’s Crusade

One day, there was a man named Danny Fegas, and little did he realize, his world was about to be fucked. In the ass. Hard. Until it bleeds.

Danny was a 41 year old comic book nerd, living with parents, eating hot pockets and drinking mountain dew and spending all his days listening to Skrillex and playing minecraft. One day he decided to go to a local comic book store called “Meemaws Comic Book Cabin” or, MCBC for short. He noticed there that a new manager was hired. He was also a fat autistic neckbeard. His name, the little dick, was Fanny Degas. They were in a little butt-buddy relationship. They will usually get their wieners in a wad over stupid things like who makes the best yiff or which is best pony. But nonetheless, the were best friends. And would fuck each other in the ass just because they knew they would never get real girlfriends.



One day Danny went into MCBC to get the new Nigtits McGee comic book.

He realized there was another new comic in there, the story of KICK-ASS *Copyrighted by universal and other people.* He read it, obsessed over it and blogged on Reddit about it, and made creepy fan-fics where they all fucked. CockMuffin! One day he got the bright idea to actually become kick ass but instead, he became Punch-Butt. Little did he realize… Fanny was doing the same thing! Fanny, the diabolical asshole, was secretly making his own skin-tight-latex-camel-toed-asscheek-showing-underwear-on-the-top costume. He made an ugly purple train wreck that really clashed with the drapes in his house. It had a knee, with a switchblade hanging out of the side.



“I am knee shank!” he proclaimed, “Rapist and punisher of all good doers!”

“You fuck with me, and you fuckin’ with the best.”



Meanwhile, at home, Danny was busy at work on the costume he was making. He adorned it with blue and yellow. It was green, and it had orange stripes down the arms and legs. It had a black man’s meaty, pulsing arm, shoved up a disembodied white ass, in beautifully cartooned detail. He was sewing and cutting so steadily, and devotedly that he almost missed his favorite television program! My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. He couldn’t bear to miss it, so eventually his feeble little mind noticed. He sat down, flapping boner in full SWING, and grabbed a hot pocket off his mantel. Little did he know, he would soon get his first call to action.



“Gimme the motherfucking TV, you fat faggot.” “Also, go drink out of your toilet.” said a man in a ski mask as he jumped through the window.



“No way! Get your own damn TV, asshole.” “I was trying to watch some ponies!”



“Grow the fuck up!” “What are you, a fucking 6 year old girl?”



“No! They all have complex development, and they all have their own personalities. Could a 6 year old girl comprehend that?”



“What the fuck ever, dude.” “Quit trying to justify that shit, because there’s no way to do it.” “Get the fucking TV, then get in the fucking bathroom.”



“Fine, but ponies are badass.”



“Fuck you!” said the robber, as he grabbed the T.V, put it into his bag, and grabbed Danny by the fat, greasy head. He pulled his lard-ass into the bathroom, and shoved his head into the cold white bowl.



“Drink it!” he shouted.



“Lrughblrubhluuhtlbruhglbuglruhb” screamed Danny, as bubbles rose from the depths.



Danny kicked his feet upward, as they landed in just the right spot. He had kicked the robber right in his babymaker!



“Agh! Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit. My franks AND my beans are bleeding! You are gonna prevent me from busting a nut in a good way ever again!



“Yeah, that’s right! You got your shit f-“



All of a sudden, the robber’s fist connected with Danny’s fatass face. The fat rolled and rippled as the force moved through his blubber-covered face.



“Fuck, dude!” “Why the hell would you go and do some shit like that?”



“Because fuck you, that’s why!” 



Danny responded with a quick slap in the face. Then, not thinking, he dropped his pants and pulled out his micropenis. Since it was too small to smack with, he poked out the robber’s eyes.



“Fuck, Dude!” “I’m fucking out of here!”



“Yeah! That’ll show your ass!”



Danny wiped the blood from his dick with a sock, and continued into his living room to plug his TV back in. He had missed his ponies! The good thing was, he had DVR’d the whole thing, the tard. He sat down and finished the episode, and went to bed.





                                       END CHAPTER 1