Who am I?

I often find myself wondering just who I am. Why is that? Doesn't everyone know their own identity? Sure, I know my name. I know where I'm from. Deep down I probably know myself better than I think. So why would I ask "Who am I?"

I'm a divorcee. For nine years I was in a marriage where I was nothing more than a servant. Everything in my life was dictated to me including my thoughts and beliefs. How can someone control thoughts? It's not that far-fetched when you consider the many years of emotional abuse. I was programmed to think and behave a certain way. I was a veritable June Cleaver.

After the divorce I felt liberated. However, with that liberation came confusion and uncertainty. If I wasn't the person he trained me to be, then who was I? Every detail of myself had to be reevaluated. What pink really my favorite color? Or was that just what I was trained to like? It's been a very confusing time for me. Two years later and I'm still trying to figure myself out. Which is why I'm here. I've created this profile on writing.com not because I'm an aspiring writer. Not because I hope to be published someday. Not because I have all kinds of work to share with fellow writers. I created it so that I can explore my own soul through my writing.

Now, I've suffered from what some would call "writer's block" (I call it suppression) for many years. I've done very little writing since I got married. I used to write all the time and dreamed of one day calling myself a professional writer. That dream has since died away, but I do hope to reignite that flame that was once there. To delve deep within myself and find the girl who was locked away and set her free once more.

I keep looking for a starting point. A prompt. A survey. I guess this is it. This is my jumping off point. Maybe no one will read or no one will get anything out of it except me. So be it. This is for me after all. I'm done impressing others. For the first time in over a decade, it's time for me.