The Heartless Soul

                                    The Heartless Soul

                                    By Ryan Gerstler



      There was once a man without a conscience, but he was a really successful man. He was the president of one of the top banks in America and had a beautiful model wife. He had to beautiful children who both had blonde hair and blues eyes and they were both honors students. He lived in a beautiful mansion and everybody though he had the perfect life, but truthfully he didn’t love his wife and his children.

         To him they were like his furniture, something that made everybody think that he had the perfect life because he knew he was living every other sick human’s fantasy and by living their dreams that gave him power. He used that power to get ahead in life because there was nobody as strong as him in the world because he knew exactly how people worked and like everybody said knowledge is power.

         This man never thought about why he graduated college because in his mind he graduated and be successful, so nothing else mattered. He went to college with his best friend who he knew since he was eight years old and this best friend would have done anything for him. The man acted like he cared, but he was just playing with is emotions making him into his little pet that he could make do tricks. This friend loved the man so much that he took all the same classes and let him cheat off of all of his tests and write all his essays. He didn’t think about during their senior year when they got caught for cheating and how he framed another student and his best friend in order to save his own ass. The man didn’t even think about how he not only got his best friend thrown out of school, but also arrested for fraud because he knew they would not be able to exact revenge on him if they were in jail.

         One day the man was driving to work and there was a lot of traffic on the road. There was a lot of traffic on the road because an eleven year old boy had been hit by car and was killed. There were many ambulances and police officers trying to figure out what happened and trying to piece together this horrible tragedy.

         The man looked at this tragic scene and his first reaction was “what is going on here? We need to get to work get that piece of shit off the street, so we could get to work. I don’t see the point in making a big deal that some dumb twerp ran in middle of the road and got his by a car. That car did us all a favor by getting rid of another stupid person and he should be rewarded instead of punished.

         The man started to beep his horn and yell “get this shit off the road we need to get to our real jobs. There is a bunch of you pick up that shit throw it out and move on with your day. The man continued to curse and beep his horn until he got a police officer’s attention. The police officer had just been throwing up and was really depressed because that child reminded him of his own son. He knew he wouldn’t sleep that night and he wondered how somebody could be so cruel. The police officer was not only mad but distraught because he wanted someone to legitimize what he was feeling.

         The police officer walked up to the man and said “Don’t you what happened right there? That little boy was killed and that is more important than any insignificant thing you have today.  We will be done once we fully investigate this accident and make sure that this little boy is treated with dignity and respect. So this is what you are going to do unless you want to spend the entire weekend in jail until the judge comes back in on Monday. You are going to sit in your car listen to music and shut your fucking mouth until we finish our jobs. This situation is more important than hour of your time, so shut the fuck up and let me do MY real job.”

         The people around started to clap, laugh, and yell at the man to get back in the car because they knew how wrong the man was and how he was defeated, but the man didn’t return to his car with his tail between his leg like a sad little puppy who just got punished. Instead the man looked at police officer; saw the specks of throw up and the tears in his eyes because of the sadness that he saw. Then he looked the police office straight in the eyes and started to laugh in his face. The man said “I don’t understand why they call you people pigs because pigs are intelligent creatures. Instead you are a poodle; something soft, cuddly, and only power you really have, even with your pretty uniform, is biting the ankle of someone more powerful then you. This is what you are going to do and I know you want to argue with me and assert your power. Every being in you right now wants hurt me because of what you think I represent, but no matter how angry you get you will grovel and my feet and answer my every command. If you cherish your job, your children, your job, and the very thing that makes you who you are as person then you do exactly what I say.”

         The man handed the police officer his keys and said “when this shit is cleaned up and that worthless piece of shit is in the garbage can where it belongs then you are going to drive my car to my house and walk home like the good little boy that you are.”

         “I know you want to say to me that I am not your slave or that you will tow my car if I leave it here, but you won’t because you know that my threats aren’t threats but the truth. You know that if you don’t listen to me I will destroy your life, so don’t scratch my car or you will pay for it and get out of my way, so I could do a job that actually means something.”

         The man walked away from the police officer and laughed at how he defeated him, but the man wasn’t done. He turned around and threw ten thousand dollars in the police officers face and said “grovel at my feet and pick up your money because deep down inside your heart you know that is exactly where you belong.”

         He watched as the man picked up the money and loved how powerful he really was and that he actually ruled the world. As he was walking away he knew that he was going to call the police in an hour and report the car stolen with ten thousand dollars because he knew that the police officer belonged in jail for talking to him the way that he did.

         The man started to walk to work and he was made that he was made late by those animals who mine as well have thrown and ate their own shit because they didn’t know what evolution really was. He thought about ignorant and emotional other people were and knew that if they were that easy to control there was no way that he was from the same species.

         There was an old man walking in front of him with a cane and the cane broke sending the man crashing onto the floor. The old man had tears in his eyes as he screamed for help and begged for someone to call an ambulance.  The old man was in so much pain that he desperately needed help, any help to be okay. The man looked at the old man and said “get out of my fucking way I need to get to work. Fall down on your own time I am already late.”

         The old man was shocked at this man’s reaction and said “please if you just help me off the ground I will be okay. Please just help me so I could walk and then you could head to work. Please if you have any humanity inside of you then you will help me up.

         The man looked at old pathetic man and hoped that he would die there because there was no use for some like that in the world. There was definitely know intelligence design and the only way to fix anything was to get rid of the mistakes. As he stepped over the old man and kicked dirt in his face he knew that he was doing evolution a favor by deleting one of its many tragic features.

         As the man was walking away from the old man who was on the ground the old man yelled in a pained voice

         “You don’t care about anybody do you? You cause so much pain in the world and you don’t see the damage that you do. Or wait you do see the pain that you cause in the world and use it to get ahead in the world. You cheated your way through college ruining as many lives as possible for fun and that didn’t stop in your college years. Do you think about the men that you poisoned and sent to the hospital the day of their big interviews? Do you think about created an entire embezzlement scheme to have a man that was chosen president over you arrested. You don’t even think about how you sued that poor man after purposely hurting yourself on his property so you could win his house. All of this is insignificant to you because you know how people work and you use it to your advantage. Many people look to this world and think how could I make it better and you look at this world as your battleground in your war to be king, but this is what I am going to do. From now on when you look at any person you will not see them, but feel all the pain they went through their entire life. You are going to live through their pain, their regret, their biggest mistake, and their darkest day. You are going to live the moment where life felt so hard for them that they decided to give up on the world, you are going to live their rock bottom days, but never ever see their redemption and their success. You are going to live in a bubble from now on and on the outside it is going to be clear, but on the inside everything is going to look dark. When you look at the sun all you are going to see is the pollution, when you look at the grass it will look brown and dead, and when you look at all the beauty in the world you will see the pain and suffering that it took to build it.  But when you look at people you will know what and pain and suffering really is in the world.”

         The man looked at the old man and laughed at the senile old man and was glad that he didn’t help him. He thought that the old man was crazy and the world didn’t need another crazy person. He didn’t wish the man dead, but instead be locked up in a mental hospital or an old age home where he couldn’t bother any productive people in society, because he was long passed his expiration date and didn’t belong in the real world. As he was walking away he knew he would not feel bad if that man died because of him because he knew he was doing him a favor ending his suffering because he wouldn’t look like a crazy old fool anymore.

         The man didn’t think about the old man as he walked to work because no person had the right to deserve his attention for any longer than necessary, and the idea of being cursed was a joke to him that he wouldn’t share because there was no one important to share with. He knew that if he didn’t want to be the most successful person on the planet he would buy his own island far away from his family and annoying people that he called friends and instead hire a bunch of prostitutes, so he could have a lot of fun with no expectations. He never understood why Hugh Hefner married those women because they would do anything for fame and they really had no shame.  If Hugh Hefner knew that he could fuck any of those women then why marry them and follow that sick genetic disease called loved.  He knew the reason why he married his wife because all of his so called friends would be jealous and envy him enough to make him their leader. She was a famous model and he got all the publicity from her career and he tried to take away as much fame as possible from her.  The man tried to slowly ruin his wife’s career while stealing her fame because if she was not a model anymore there would be less chance that she would cheat on him, even though he was always publicly with other women in magazines. She would do anything for him and did as little as possible for her because he didn’t love her and knew he would always be able to get away with it. He knew that once she lost her looks and breast implants started to look fake and disgusting that he would leave his wife and find a new beautiful model because there was no way that his wife was irreplaceable. All he had to do was marry one of his famous girlfriends and everything would be okay.  If his wife pissed him off enough or demanded anything from him he knew that he would quickly marry her famous actress sister and suck away her fame while crushing his stupid bitch of a wife.

         As the man walked to work he saw a really attractive woman with his peripheral vision and looked at her, but what he saw was not the beauty that he saw. Instead of seeing this beautiful woman he was transported into some strange crappy house and saw this man punch this woman in the face and throw her down the stair while throwing this little boy into a wall for trying to stop him from hurting the boy’s mother. The woman screamed for him to stop as the man took off his belt and starting to beat the boy and he knew that the woman wanted to stand up and help her son, but didn’t do anything, but cry and watch. He watched the boy plead for his mother to help and felt the woman’s hurt breaking because she knew that she was powerless against this man. He then watched as she snuck out of the house in middle of the night with her son after she got tired of watching her husband abuse their son. The man watched as the woman hide in hotel rooms because she had no family and felt the fear that she felt every second of everyday that her husband would find them and kill them.

         Then he felt the tremendous amount of guilt for her son who had refused to talk to her ever since that night. He barely talked to anybody in school and hadn’t talked to his mother since they left because he hated her. The son hated her because he knew that she knew about the abuse that went on every night when his father went into his room, but she did nothing about it. He knew that even when he abused him right in front of his mother to show his dominance over both of them she didn’t do anything. The son didn’t care about how powerless his mother felt because it was her responsibility to protect her son and she failed.  Leaving the house was years too late and there was no chance to fix the damage that was done. He felt the powerless feeling on knowing that someone who she thought that she loved more than herself hated her with every fiber of her being.  The feeling that bothered her the most was the realization that she was selfish and ignored the abuse because of the money that her husband made and the life that he could provide. She knew deep down that if her husband didn’t beat her as bad as he did that day then she would have stayed with her husband forever even though she knew what abuse was going on. The mother knew that her son knew that and the damage that it caused him, but in a way she didn’t care because she would soon get her life together.

         The man didn’t only see the pain, but felt with every fiber of his being as the sadness draped over him and made him tear up. It was as if he lived all the pain and suffering that woman lived in her life, but knew that he had no power to save her or make it feel better. The man realized that he saw everybody at their rock bottom, the moment where even the strongest person cracks under pressure and is ready to give it all up. Then he felt the realization that the woman had that if she wasn’t such a coward that she would kill herself and how that realization changed her forever, but what he didn’t feel was her pulling herself out of the dark hole. He knew that he felt all of the pain and suffering without ever having the chance to get up stronger and change his life for the better. The sadness ate away at his soul so he turned away as fast as possible, but then looked to the left and saw this man who laughing and talking to his buddy.

         Instead of seeing this man he saw the man arguing with his wife that he really needed to go to work to get a promotion. That his entire life and his entire career came down to that moment and that there would be other birthdays and would make up for it.  He then saw the man’s daughter crying while being hugged by her brother as guests were about to arrive for his daughter’s tenth birthday party. He tried to explain himself, beg for forgiveness; but the simple fact was that he missed almost every other birthday, almost every game, recital, or defining moment in his children’s lives where they would become who they really were as a person. He heard about how his children were succeeding in school and in their lives, but he had become nothing, but a spectator instead of a participant in his children’s lives. The father knew that soon he would get this promotion and be able to make a great life for himself and his children. He knew the damage and resentment that he caused his children, but knew that there would always be a tomorrow and once he achieved their goal to be successful all of them would be happy forever.

         The man witnessed the father realize that there was no tomorrow and all of his mistakes would follow him like a shadow always reminding him of the life that he could have had but destroyed. He heard the phone call saying that he had to rush home because there had been a fire and when he asked about his family they hesitated and said please hurry. He watched as the father drove home as fast as he possibly could trying to imagine how bad the situation is, but having hope that everything would be okay and this was a sign to fix his life. The father knew that if this turned out okay that he would get a less demanding job and salvage any relationship he had with his kids.  He also saw that deep down in the father’s mind that was a lie and that he loved his job more then he loved his family and that is what kept him up at night. As he got closer he saw the fire trucks and his neighbor standing around his house in tears as they watched the fire burn down the entire house.

         The father saw the ambulances and ran over to each of them to find his family and tell them that everything would be okay, but each time the ambulance was empty. There were four ambulances that he went to and then ran over to the nearest police officer and said “This is my house; please tell me where my family is. Did they already go to the hospital? Which hospital are they at so I could meet them there because I don’t care about anything else besides them. Please tell me! Why are you not telling me?”

         He looked at the expression on the police officers face and realized that the police officer was trying to gain composure and not show the tremendous amount of sadness that he felt because it would be unprofessional. The police didn’t say a word for a minute so the father continued to talk.

         “Please tell me what happened is my wife dead? Did I lose one of my children? Please if you have a heart you will tell what happened and where my family was. Please tell me!”

         The police officer finally gained some composure and said “We got a call this morning about a fire and by the time the fire department got here it was too late, I am sorry.”

         “What do you mean I am sorry? No more games, tell me what happened!”

         “The firemen tried to get into the building, but it was too dangerous, there was nothing that we could do.”

         “What do you mean? Are you saying that my family is still in the…house? Are you saying that my entire family is….dea…”

         The realization hit the man like a pillow over his face smothering any chance of happiness or redemption that could happen. He knew that his promise of a better tomorrow was gone and that he should have been better to his wife and children. He knew that if he was there he could have prevented this from happening and that realization made him feel like a murderer in this tragic accident.

         The man went crazy and said “get out of my way if you don’t want to save my family then I will.”

         The man tried to run into the burning building even though deep down inside he knew that his family was dead because he wanted to run in that house and die with them. Once you have the realization that you want to die that changes the very fabric that makes you who are, and he didn’t want to wake up tomorrow.  As he ran to the house three firemen and two police officers held him down as he screamed.

         “Please let me die, please I don’t deserve to live. I did this! I caused this and I don’t deserve to live. That is my wife and my children please do something, please let me die!”

         The man watched as the father walked around the rubble a day after that happened and found his daughter diary that was surprisingly in good shape. He opened it because it was the last connection he had with his family because everything else was destroyed in the fire. The father started to read it, even though he knew that he wouldn’t have done it if she was alive, but knowing that her deepest thoughts were in it made him feel closer to her and that comforted him. He skimmed through the diary and found an entry from the day of her birthday that ruined him even more.

         It said “Dear Diary I know that my father works so hard because he wants us to have the best life possible because of what he didn’t have when he was a child. He works like a slave and does anything to make our life better and even though he is missing my birthday I am not angry at him, but instead I feel sorry for him.  I love my father so much and I am sad that he doesn’t realize how great of a life that he made for them and how happy he would be if he was just home. I tried to tell him today how all I wanted was him to be part of my life and everything else doesn’t matter. I wanted to tell him that I would give up my fancy cell phone, my private school, and this beautiful house if I could spend a little more time with him because truthfully that is all I ever wanted. The gifts on Christmas and my birthday were amazing, but they meant nothing to me because my father, my hero, wasn’t there to celebrate it with me because that is all that matters. But I am writing this letter to you not out of sadness, but out of hope because I know the sun will come up tomorrow and maybe then I could convince my father that he is a great man that achieved so much in his life and now it is time to enjoy the life that he so desperately worked hard for. I hate the stupid clichés or whatever that word is that old people always say to me, but I know in my heart that he will stop and smell the roses and realize the life that he is missing. I hope he realizes this soon because I miss him and love him more than anything in the world and all I want to see is him happy and I hope he realizes his happiness before it is too late.”

         The father fell to the floor in sadness and pain and the man pulled his eyes away from that man because he couldn’t take the deep sadness anymore. The man felt sad for the first time in his life and felt the tears come out of his eyes as he wondered what those were. He had never seen tears since he could remember and he didn’t think it was possible for him to cry because he never thought he was human enough to cry.  The pain was so unbearable that he ran home as fast as he could and locked himself in his room because he didn’t want to see his wife or children because he knew all the pain and suffering that he caused them intentionally and couldn’t bear to see their sadness because it would hurt him. He locked himself in the room and laughed because he knew that he would never leave this room again, so the curse couldn’t hurt ever again. If he didn’t look at anybody then he would not see their pain and the curse from that dirty old man would be useless. He was so happy that he beat the system and realized how exhausted he was from all the sadness of the day so he laid in his bed for a well-deserved sleep, but when he closed his eyes all he saw was the pain and suffering from the day as it engulfed him and made it hard to breathe.

         You know that moment when things seem like they will never be able to get better and the stress is so powerful that it stops you from taking a deep breath as you the pain and suffering in your chest. At that moment all logical thought is gone and all that is left is full raw emotion and you desperately need someone to pull you out of that dark hole because if they don’t you know you will drown in your own sorrow and sadness. But for this man he felt everybody’s pain and there was no life boat to save his from his river of despair as he drowned in guilt, pain, sadness, and regret.

         The pain drove him to craziness as he roamed the streets delirious from the sadness that he felt from each person. He first stopped going to work because he knew how miserable he made his employees by trying to do anything to save money and he knew how miserable he made his clients by evicting families and senior citizens even if they had a depressing story. He realized that he was less sympathetic to the pathetic criers and those were the people he secretly enjoyed evicting. He then stopped showering or shaving because his appearance didn’t matter anymore because life didn’t matter anymore. He then stopped going home because his saw wife and children start to judge him and he knew exactly what he had to do.

         In middle of the night the man went to the nearest bridge and jumped from it without hesitation and he knew that he would be dead soon leaving this painful world behind. He didn’t believe in heaven or hell, but just not feeling the pain was good enough motivation for him to give up. As he was about to hit the water he closed his eyes knowing the pain would end as he crashed into the water headfirst.  He was then shocked that ten seconds later he opened his eyes and realized that he was unharmed.  The man didn’t give up because it thought it was some sort of freak accident that he was alive, so he illegally bought a gun and shot himself in the head in order to escape the pain, but again he woke up on the ground unharmed and the bullet was right next to him wrapped in a little bow like a sick joke.

         The man realized that he couldn’t kill himself and he was stuck in this world forever feeling all of its pain. Soon any logic that he had left disappeared as he roams around the street with a huge beard mumbling to him about the pain. There were missing person posters looking for him, but with that beard and the smell no one even realized that he existed.  Eventually he was overwhelmed by the craziness that was brought upon the pain and realized he couldn’t see so much sadness anymore, so he grabbed a knife yelled to the heavens “I had enough” and gouged his eyes out leaving him a bloody mess on the floor. He woke up in the hospital as he tried to explain it was an accident, but truthfully the hospital didn’t care about a bum because they had productive members of society there who actually could pay for services. 

         The doctors got him stable, barely tried to find who this man was, skipped the psych evaluation, then released with a prescription that he would never use, a few samples, and piece of paper with a number that he clearly couldn’t read because he was blind. They set him on the streets hoping that if he had to go to a hospital next time he would choose a different one.

         The man roamed the street because he felt freer than ever because he knew now that he broke the curse and he could continue to live his life. He knew that he paid a huge price for his freedom, but being blind would not hold him back because he would explain that he had an accident at work and continue where he left off. He knew that he had to be a little nicer to wife or divorce her, but he wasn’t sure what effort he wanted to actually put in that or any other relationship. He smiled for the first time in a while because he believed he was free, but he heard someone’s voice and he knew the curse was not over.

         A woman asked what time it was to another woman, but in his mind he pictured exactly how the woman looked and then he imagined all of her pain like there was a movie screen in his head. He saw that this woman was in Iraq and watched a car bomber blow up a school bus in front of her. He saw that she was a nurse with a charity trying to help these poor children who were stuck in this horrible situation. She knew almost every child that was killed by the bomb because she volunteered to teach them. He saw as she screamed and ran over to each child trying to see if any of them were alive, but one by one she realized that all of them were dead. She looked at all these children with such hope in what kind of person they would be when they grew up and how much they would change their country forever, but instead it was all a waste. These children were innocent victims who didn’t choose what country they were from or what kind of government they were born into, but that were destroyed in order to send a message that the children who they killed had nothing to with.

         He saw the woman return home while leaving a part of her in Iraq, never being able to recover what she lost that day. She became a loner and didn’t sleep anymore because every time she shut her eyes all she could see is those poor children’s faces.  He saw her get addicted to prescription medication because it numbed the pain and realized that she lost her job because of her addiction and her sadness. He then saw that she lost her house and in order to continue her addiction she not only wrote fake checks, but robbed stores to pay for them.

         Even though this woman was dressed in a beautiful dress he knew that her lawyer bought her that dress in order to make her look human and sympathetic and she was headed to court for the start of her trial. He knew that she could go to jail for twenty years, but didn’t really care because no matter where she was or what she did life really didn’t matter. She was stuck in a darkness that no light could ever brighter. She lost who she really was as a person and realized all her ideals and beliefs were destroyed with those in children in Iraq. She knew that no matter how much her lawyer and her family tried to help that she would be convicted and sent to jail wondering if she should just end her life, but then she didn’t want to go to hell and suffer for eternity.

         The pain was overwhelming as he realized that he was in his own personal hell because he couldn’t die and was stuck seeing all the people’s pain in the world. He knew that he didn’t deserve any of this and was being punished because of a senile old man with magic powers and was way too sensitive for his own good. He wished he could find that old man and make him change the curse by force if necessary, but he knew now that he was blind and homeless that would be impossible. 

         Soon the pain was too much and he lost sight of all reality. He kept imagining that the world was on fire in front of him and that people were demons sent to torture him because they thought he had become too powerful. He thought of his old life as if he was remembering when he was a god and that was the only solace he had in his deep dark oblivion.

         He forgot what it felt like to take a deep breath or have a clear thought because the pain was now his life, and one day the pain was so bad he felt like he was going to pass out. He was walking when he heard a child scream for help and immediately he saw this poor scared little six year old boy who got lost and was now in middle of one of the busiest highways screaming for help.

         In his mind he saw how the boy got separated and felt all the deep emotion that this little boy was feeling. He felt the extreme fear, pain, and this dark knowing that this would be his last day on earth, and hope that his mother would be able to recover from this loss, but knew that this would crush her forever.

         The pain overwhelmed worse than ever before so he decided to run into this busy highway blindly following this little boy’s voice trying to save him, so the man would not have to feel this little boy’s pain anymore.  He made his way past speeding cars and somehow made his way to this boy picked him up and told the boy that everything was going to be okay. Then he felt something that he didn’t feel for a very long time and that was hope.

         He felt the boy calm down and know that everything was going to be okay. The man felt the boy realize that he was supposed to die on that road and had accepted that. Even at a young age the boy realized that a miracle happened and how that realization would change how he would live his entire life. He felt the boy feel grateful that he was still alive for himself, but especially for his mother who would have been crushed if anything happened to him. He felt the love that flowed through this little boy’s heart for his mother and deep inside of him he wished that he had that same feeling from his children. The man then realized how much the mother loved the boy and how she would have sacrificed everything for him. He then realized how much he lost and how much he gave up by not caring about the world and swore that even if this curse was not broken ever he would still return home and try to fix the damage that he caused to his family.

         The man realized the love that he felt for his family and wondered how he turned into the monster that he now was. He thought about that poor boy who got hit by a car and how horrible he reacted in that situation. He thought about the police officer who he got arrested when all he was trying to do was his job. The man knew that he couldn’t fix all the damage he caused but the future was his to fix and the future was now. As he carried this boy to safety he imagines in head what this child would become and felt the hope for the future.

         He saw how this boy would graduate college as the valedictorian and make his life goal to make the world a better place. The man saw that this little boy would become senator and make his one mission in life to make the world a better place to not only honor God for saving him, but to honor that mysterious man who saved him at the moment when he was supposed to die. The man cried as he saw the greatness that his child would achieve and he thanked God for letting him see some happiness while being punished for his sins. The little boy looked at this man and said “thank you” as he placed him on the curb.

         As the man was about to step on the curb and out of the road he slipped and got hit by a truck who was driving by. He heard everybody gasp, felt the pain of the world for a split second, and then it was gone leaving the comforting feeling of nothingness. He closed his eyes accepting death as the world went dark around him.

         He then opened his eyes and he was on a cliff and he could see once again. The man was confused about what was going on because the last thing that he remembered was getting hit by a truck, so he walked to the edge of the cliff and looked down.

         When he looked down he saw this black hole and when he looked at the black hole he felt the coldness rush over him sucking away any happiness that he had left and replacing it with sadness, pain, regret, and the horrible feeling that no matter what he did with his life everything would go wrong and he would always be unhappy. The coldness felt like what would happen if all the love, joy, happiness, and hope were sucked out your life leaving you in pieces and a shadow of what you once were.

         The man thought that he felt pain on earth, but nothing compared to what he was feeling at that moment. It was every depressing and horrible thing that happened to all of humanity since their creation drowning him an ocean full of despair as the last lifeboat of hope sunk to deep, dark, endless unknown of despair and excruciating pain. He couldn’t breathe at all and felt like he was going to be stuck in that spot staring at that hole forever. It took every ounce of energy he had to look away from this hole before consumed his soul and he looked up and saw a beautiful bright light.

         This bright light was the brightest light that he had ever seen yet it didn’t hurt his eyes and could look straight at it. It made the sun look like a dying flashlight and the light filled his system as joy filled every pore in his body. He knew that everything in his life would be okay and that all of his pain and suffering was no gone.  The man knew that any doubt he had in his mind that would stop him from being his true self would be gone forever and that there was nothing that he couldn’t do. Even though he believed in God he felt like one because he knew he was in charge of his own life and could make things as good as he wanted it to be. He knew that bad luck was dead leaving behind endless potential for happiness.  He felt the storybook ending of his life as redemption was right in front of his face. Tears flowed freely out of his eyes because of the true pure happiness that people don’t believe truly exists filled him and fixed his soul. As he looked up he thought to himself “I want to go up”.

         As he had that thought he felt a hand behind him push him off the cliff sending falling to the deep dark endless hole of pain and suffering. He tried to grab onto the wall and pull himself up begging for forgiveness and apologizing for his sins. He said “please God forgive please give me another chance. I see what I need to do in this world please save me and help save this world”. The man tried to scratch his way up the wall as he fell closer and closer to bottom as the coldness started to fill him and leave him feel empty besides pain and sadness. He cried out for mercy as he his nail were being ripped out by the rocks and blood started to drip down, but he refused to give up because he now saw what he needed to do and would not accept defeat. He tried to pull himself up but hope was being drained by the black hole. When it looked like there was no chance to be saved he all of sudden stopped falling and his hand were miraculously healed.

         After being stopped in midair it was as if he was in an elevator being carried up to the light as hope once again filled his heart. He saw his boy and girl graduate college and the boy become a great teacher who inspires his students and his daughter becoming one of the top surgeons in the country. He couldn’t explain in words the proudness he felt for his children. Then he saw his wife gain her confidence back and open up her own store where she was once again successful. He saw the depression wipe away from her face as she felt human for the first time in a long time. The joy was overwhelming as he got closer and closer to the light and tears flowed freely out of his eyes and he felt freedom overwhelm he leaving with the deepest sense of happiness possible for human beings, but he before he got to the light he was stopped short.

         The man was stopped by the old man who he left on the ground that day and the old man told him “Look up at that light and feel its greatness overwhelm every part of you, look at that light closely and think of it as your goal in your life because you are nowhere ready for that, but don’t worry. You have seen the pain in the earth and you learned what it is like to be human and now you know what good you could do in the earth. The truth is that it doesn’t matter what religion you believe in or if you believe in God because that is insignificant to him. What matters more than anything else is that you use your limited time on earth to better it and make the change to create a better world for all humankind.  By doing simple things in this world you are making it better; by saying hello to someone or asking them how they are while actually listening to what they have to say. When you talk to someone and make them feel like they are important and actually care about what happens to them that is what makes the world a better place. You don’t have to run into a burning building to save a child, but you have to be willing to sacrifice everything if it could make someone life better or it could save their life. This world is full of evil ignorant people, but it is up to the new you to fight that negativity and change the world for the better. No matter what people say to you, you are important and could make a significant difference in the world because anybody could. Every person has the ability to better the world and once they see that it shows how important they are really are to that makes humanity different than all other creatures.  You know how to live your life now and that has freed you from the curse that was with you your entire life, so use your knowledge and the power and do good in this world.”

         The man was about to thank the old man for that he did for him, but instead he blinked and when he opened his eyes he saw this bright light in front of him. For a second he thought that he was heaven, but then he realized that this light hurt his eyes and that it was the sun. Then he realized that he could see the sun for the first time in a long time because he now had eyes again. He was shocked that he could see the beautiful world that he lived in, so he sat up and looked around to see where he was. The man looked around and saw the little boy that he saved hugging his mother and the truck that hit him with the driver talking to the police officer.

         He saw the happiness in the child’s face and it made him cry because he knew how much good that child would do in the world. He tried to stand up, but didn’t think it was possible because he had just gotten hit by truck and there was no way he could just walk away from an accident like that. The man tried to think logically even though there was no logical explanation how he had survived the truck hitting him and the fact that his eyes somehow grew back. So he looked at himself to survey the damage and realized that he didn’t even have a scratch. He checked his legs to see if he could bend them then moved his hands to make sure that they still worked, but when he looked at his arm he saw this little scar that was black and circular.

         When the man looked at the black scar on his arm he felt the pain, sadness, regret, and suffering engulf his very being leaving his not being able to breathe and as he imagined that he falling down that cliff once again begging for his life. He then looked away from the scar as quick as possible and he knew. He knew that the scar was a constant reminder of how he had to live his life and knew that he never wanted to see that pain and sadness in anybody and knew that he would make it his personal mission to make as many people as happy as possible not because of the fear of going to that cliff again, but because he saw all the sadness in the world and realized that nobody deserved the curse of losing all hope because no matter how bad a situation looks there always should be hope as long as they are breathing.

         When the man stood up from that truck accident he looked at the boy once again and saw the smile on his face and he felt the same way that he felt when looking up at the light that day. He felt so much joy seeing people’s happiness and that reaffirmed every day to him that heaven did exist and that life will always get better as long as you do good in the world. He used people’s smiles as a constant reminder of what heaven felt like and knew that would be more powerful to him instead of that scar on him.

         He knew how much pain that he caused his family, but knew that as long as he was breathing he would do anything for them. The man knew that he was selfish for so long that it was time to change, so he decided to dedicate his life to make his family and the people around him happy. He knew the potential that his family had and made it his personal mission to make sure that came true.  The man thought about his best friend who probably loved him more than anybody else in the world and thought about how he destroyed his life. He wondered if his former friend was still alive and knew that he had to make amends, thank him for all the good he did in his life, and make sure that his suffering is over and he could make a new life for himself.  The man then thought about that poor police officer who had crushed because that police officer had a heart and he knew that he had to fix his life. The man knew that he had to go to the police station and tell the truth then make any restitution possible to fix the horrible damage that he caused. Then he thought about that poor boy that had died tragically and couldn’t imagine what it must have felt like to bury a son. He knew that no parent should ever bury a child and that he would do anything in his power to help this poor boy’s family survive, because he knew that is what the little boy would want. Money didn’t matter to him anymore, but he was glad he was rich because he knew that he had the tools to make amends to all the people that he had hurt in his life.

         This man was blind to the pain he was causing in the world and didn’t care about the damage that he caused, but after his journey he woke up to what really matters in the world. The heartless soul died on the street that day and walked away a man with a conscience.