Dear Bank Balance

Prompt Used: Dear ________ I'm writing to _________ about ...

Dear Bank Balance:
I'm writing to complain about your blatant disregard for my desires. You ignore my pleas and turn away from my orders. Your erratic behavior over the past several years has caused great fear and loathing.

I am not always frightened or annoyed by you. At times you are fat and I am satiated. You are bulging at the margins of the statement and the extra zeros make me sing. It's this gluttony and obesity that bring me comfort and relief. Like the tryptophane after a huge turkey dinner, I sleep in peace.

But then you enter your bulimic phase. Vomiting $20s, $50s, $100s like it's your job. My bonus check adds pounds to your waistline only to be regurgitated during that weekend in NYC. My stock earnings make that scale tip up only until those new shoes take it to a downward spiral. This slippery slope continues and I fear for your starvation.

Your accomplices only make matters worse. Those diet pills known as the mortgage payment, the boat payment and the car payment prevent you from gaining at your true potential. Why must those pills be taken? Your personal trainer, better known as the ATM withdrawal, ensures a weekly if not daily loss. You get slimmer and trimmer making me sadder and teary. Try as I may to help you, you do not seem to sustain any real mass. Snack foods like birthday checks and gambling wins just don't help.

Your friends are terribly bad influences. I implore you to leave that posse you hang out with; the insurance payment, the utilities and the the credit card fees are not increasing your girth. Your slender frame is horrific. This peer pressure is devastating. You need to eat! Try befriending the dividend, the savings account and the mac daddy of them all known as 401k. This will be your only hope.

It's time to stop behaving like a supermodel and start behaving like a Suma wrestler. I beg you, please don't disappear into nothingness!

Sincerely,
Bonnie