Gods Love

I hate myself
To the pits of hell
I despise the one that I’ve become
So big from gluttony
God himself should come punish me

I cry
Scared of what my future may hold
I try to do what’s right
And I end up doing more wrong
Running blind into the arms
Of her
When I’m married to him
Our love bundled so tightly in sin

But it feels right
To kiss her lips
And feel the tips of her nails
Scratch down my back
I’m under attack from her love

I remember when we met
So upset I dropped my phone on the floor
I look up and saw the angel that stood before me
I wanted to bow before her
But the only one I should bow before is God
Begging him for forgiveness and to have mercy on my soul
Its time for me to pay my toll
Because every ounce of sweat exchanged between me and her
Drowns me further as I suffocate in sin
My heart has yet to spin

I yearn for her to lay with me
Let me pick up the pieces and mend all her broken dreams
But I cant
Because as I leave and I know I must
All her dreams will shatter and I will lose her trust

So again I cry
So burned by the flames that ignite me on the inside
I try to deny the feelings that ride in my heart
I remember the very first time I made love to a woman
I was hooked
Sucked in so deep I could hardly speak
I could only feel the string of Lucifer pulling me to her
Telling my heart and body to deny what God made so  natural
I devoured her

Letting all of my strength over come my faith
I succumbed to the devil when I should’ve been praising the lord
Why did I have to get suck by this door of deceit
This elevator of failure
This blackness so deep my soul became the undertaker

And everything gets heavy
As my eyelids close
And my heart stops beating
A pair of wings wrap around me
Securing me
Bounding me
To him
So I wouldn’t think of her

A voice whispered to me
It will be ok
And the next thing I feel is the whoosh of air
As my lungs refill
And an outward pour of my cries start to spill
He spoke to me
And saved me from myself
When I could lean on no one else
He lifted me with sympathy
And disciplined me like the seed I was planted to be

He touch me
From the inside out I felt the presence
His godliness so strong in my being
You could never see him
But he was always there
Watching my faults and see my fails
He took me by the hands and he told me he cares

And at that very moment I felt my heart spin
I love so deep for myself I never knew I had
A beauty so pleasing to my eye I had to look away from the mirror
Could that be me I see?
And he answered yes
I am beautiful, you are beautiful and everyone created in his image is beautiful
So neon his eyes are the stars I pray upon
I let him into my soul to show me the road
I let him guide my movement and I step when he steps
And he catches me when I fall
I talk to God more often now
Because I learned in my heart he will never let me down