Homemade Porkypine

Homemade Porkypine


Bianca loved three o'clock.  That's when her nap was over and her favorite show "Everyday Animals!" came on.  Her mom would usually watch with her.  Sometimes her cat, Mister Mittens, would wander through and look at the TV, too.  Today, all three of them were learning about porcupines.

"...and they eat leaves and twigs and bark, things like that.  How about that, kids?"

"Can we get a porkypine, Mommy?  There's lots of twigs and stuff outside for it to eat."

"It would be too dangerous, sweetie.  Don't forget what the man said about the sharp quills, and it's porcupine, not porkypine.  Besides, we already have Mister Mittens; don't you like him anymore?"

"Yeah, I just wish he was a porkypine."

"Well, Dear, he's a cat, and he'll always be a cat.  Now, then, I--"  Her cellphone chimed.  "Oh!  I have a message from your Grandma Lois.  I'll give her a call to see what she wants, and I'll be back in a jiffy."

"Okay, Mommy," she replied to her mother's retreating back.

Bianca was only three, but was very observant and she knew things the grown-ups didn't think she knew.  For instance, she knew how to change the time on the clock on her nightstand.  Unfortunately, since she didn't know how to actually set the time, her parents were convinced that the thing was defective.  She also knew how to squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom like her folks instead of from the middle like her big brother.  And--she knew how to use the television remote.

Well, she didn't actually know how to use it, but she knew if she pushed this button, she'd get to see whatever was on the last channel someone had been watching.  As soon as her mom was out of sight, she picked up the remote and pushed the button.  When she saw what was on, she gave a loud gasp.  A man with dark wrinkled skin was pushing a big needle right through his arm, but he wasn't yelling or anything!

"...as the fakir pushes the needle directly through his skin, you can see that it doesn't hurt him a bit.  Amazing, isn't it?  It's not totally unrelated to the process these young people use to 'decorate' their bodies."  The picture showed a group of teenagers, all of whom had pins and needles of various sizes sticking out of their cheeks and lips.  They were all smiling and talking and didn't seem to mind the pins at all.  Bianca was fascinated.

Suddenly, her little brain put two images together and she ran to her mother's sewing room.  When she returned, she had a #4 knitting needle in each hand.  She walked over to the cat.

"Hey, Mister Mittens, I'm gonna turn you into a porkypine, and it's not gonna hurt a bit!"  The cat shrank back from the approaching child, its tail lashing back and forth.

Bianca's screams and the cat's yowling brought Miranda back into the living room at a dead run.  The scene froze Miranda in her tracks.

A knitting needle was protruding from Mister Mittens' left side.  The cat was bleeding profusely and was curled around itself, biting the needle like a mad thing trying to dislodge it.

Bianca lay on the floor, kicking her feet and screaming, her face and arms covered with blood.  Miranda rushed over to her, bent down and pulled Bianca's hands away from her face.  The sight caused her to turn her head and vomit.

Bianca's hands and arms were covered with deep scratches, but the real damage was to her face.  Both cheeks, rosy with health mere minutes before, were now shredded, and her left eye was slashed in its socket.

As she added her cries of grief to the din, too deep in shock to even call for help, it gradually dawned on Miranda the animal show was no longer being shown on the television.  On the screen, a fakir sat on a stool.  He had a long needle stuck through his neck, and he seemed quite calm about it.