Rondell Mcleod and me

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There are those times when you feel like nothing  could possibly go your way. You look outside



and feel that there is noway the world is still spinning the way it was when you were happy once

.

You try so hard to get past the emptiness that you feel within your soul but know that nothing is ever going



to be the same. You hate knowing that the one person so special to you doesn't feel even a



fraction of the emotions that seep from you, and you wish that there was



a way to tell him, and not fear losing the friendship between you. You're lost, scared, alone and







you can't take it anymore. And the way he treats you is destroying you.



He makes you feel like you mean so much to him but you feel that that's



impossible. He holds such a vulnerable thing captive and that thing is



your heart. He's so close to breaking it but so close to setting you



free you're willing to risk it. It hurts to to be so torn between so



many emotions. I wish it could all just stop.I know that you’re happy,

and I want you to know that, when you’re happy, I’m happy, because I

would do anything for you, because you mean <u>so</u> much to me. It

hurts me to know that the one thing that brought a smile to my face and

made me happy, is gone. I only want to know, if you would have ever made me

an option? Would you have been able to love me? Care for me? Hold my

hand? Or is image all that counts? Let me know, so that I can know if

it’s worth still hoping that one day, we could

be friends, because we clearly are not, and it’s clear that you totally

rejected me. I was never in love with someone else as

much as I was with you.You want me to tell you the honest truth? Yeah?

Well, here it is.. I dream about you every night. I spend endless



afternoons thinking about you. Some days, I don’t think about you



at all,

but that’s rare, because I usually don’t go a minute without



thinking about you, or seeing you in my mind

. When I first met you, I thought you

would be different. I’d been rejected by boys because of my self image,

and for once in my life, I thought it was personality that counted for

you, and not image, but apparently not. For a few minutes you made me

feel as though I actually meant <u>something to someone.<br></u>I made a

choice to finally let go, <strong>because I can't stand the



pain, it's time for my last tear to fall and smile again.



...just



remember that would've been the best thing you ever had While



I was holding on all you did was let go Today



was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and

every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today,

because they remind me of the one thing I don’t have. It's really



painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go but its

even more painful to ask someone to stay if they never wanted to



stay.I'm holding on to something that used to be there hoping it



will come back, knowing it won't. Have you ever hated somebody so much

that you wish they would just leave and never come back but yet, loved

them so much, you knew you'd die if they did?I'm going to smile,



because I want to make you happy, laugh, so you won't see me cry.

I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me, I'm



going to smile I hate the way I could never hate you,Love is



putting up with someone's bad qualities because they somehow



complete you. Life sucks a lot of the time,;right? But, you



know, if you can get through a heartbreak, you can get through almost

anything. You only love him because you fear that he just



might be the only one that will ever love you One day you'll look back and think...



damn! that man really did love me....You are unmistakeably my



first love Every guy I am with for the rest of my life



will be compared to you.



Time and time again, I forgave you. I've



forgiven you for things that I swore to myself I'd never forgive



someone



for... and here you are, still hurting me, and I still forgave



you.{/left}{/justify}