The Lonely Quark

THE LONELY QUARK

If you are reading this, then my attempt was successful, and you are most likely wondering how I could do such a thing.  The answers were all buzzing around this hornet nest of a mind, but now it has fallen silent, and the only explanations for my actions lay on this piece of paper resting in your quite capable hands. Why does a man take his own life? Maybe it was to finally exit the eternal circle that bound me here to this miserable and pointless life. There is no easy way to describe the cycle I have postulated. The language of a physicist is one of numbers and variables and not of words. Nonetheless, I suppose I must try:

Deep within the fabric of existence, a lonely quark pulsates, expanding and contracting over and over again, literally since the beginning of time itself. It is a singularity that periodically explodes due to its mass and sends a spherical cloud of matter and energy spewing out into the ether, like a fine mist of light. This universe will continue to expand until it’s inertia is overcome by it’s own weight and collapses again into the singularity. At this scale, we could be describing a sub-atomic particle, but also our own universe, it all depends on our perspective

It is also been proven that information can survive being compressed into a singularity, and that it can define the form the next explosion takes. This means that the events in each and every version of the universe will transpire in exactly the same way, including the events of our lives. Thus we now veer into the realm of mysticism, and I struggle with the notion that I am cursed to live this sad miserable life over and over again for all eternity.

My gift for physics and mathematics has come to me at a terrible price, a mild form of autism that has kept me isolated for my entire life. I stumble around, talking to my self, accompanied by the sound of laughter. I even hear their laughter when I sleep. In my solitude, my studies have taken me far from the world as society knows it and led me to areas that my colleagues have called madness. So now, I have finally found a way out.

At this stage of development the universe should be starting to collapse, but it is continuing to expand. This version of our universe is the last. I am finally free from the cycle of life and death that until now has bound us all. So, even though I must have taken my own life every single time over the ages, this will be the last. Soon, this lonely quark will fade into the darkness and everything that exists will be no more.