Comfort of Coffee

The steam floated up from the dingy white coffee mug with an off colored chip on the side of the rim, the familiar warmth of the ceramic that filled my hand was all the support I was going to get today. I have been on my own for years and I haven't done to bad if I must say so myself. Today I am going to met my sister for the first time. I raised my brothers and I knew that I had more siblings out there but I never had that drive to seek them out, besides I knew it wasn't safe to look for them because that would mean my dad would find me.

A couple of months after my 22 birthday I got a letter sent to me from an uncle, it was from my sister, she wanted to met me. The last time I saw her she was about a year old, my mother used to babysit her even though she was only a few months younger than our brother, I have thought about her over the years but it will be very odd to met her face to face.

I drove the 15 hour drive through 4 states alone with just me, my thoughts, my tunes and a thermos to keep refilling with gas station coffee along the way. I left early yesterday morning, it is always easier to leave town before morning rush hour traffic and then you can get a few miles down before you stop for breakfast at a McDonalds. I tried to stay along the waterfront for as long as I could, the smell of the water and the sound of the birds is some how imbedded in my DNA.

Hour three I stopped at a little road side stand for hopefully a fresh cup of coffee and something to eat. I pulled over and hopped out of my faithful toyota pick up and stretched out my back and even did a couple of jumping jacks to get the blood circulating again. It's just after 7am and the sun is a bit above horizon and the temperature is heating up, it feels amazing on my face. I reach back over the worn brown seat cover and grab my favorite travel mug that my nephew gave me for Solstice last year. The mug is purple with sparkles all over it and a black handle off the side, in white writing there is a star with a smiley face on it, just above the star are the words "World's Greatest Aunt", I take it with me every where.

With a water bottle I rinse out the coffee grounds, I hate handing over a dirty coffee mug to get refilled, grab my wallet out of the glove box and cross the little road to the coffee shack just outside of the gas station parking lot. I stepped up the 3 wooden stairs to the porch and knocked on the window that was covered with handwritten coffee specials, the list of sugary syrups was longer than my arm. A nice young girl set down her book and asked for my order, "what can I get you?" "Americano no room" and I hand over my mug. The little blonde thing looked at the sparkly mug and back at me in my flip flops, jean shorts and grey t'shirt, then she sees the message and smiles. "I became an auntie last year, she is the love of my life too." I smiled back "he is the love of my life as well".

"What's an americano?"

"You work at a coffee stand and you don't know how to make an americano?"

"It's my sister's stand, I am just helping out. We usually only get tourists picking up coffee on the way to the beach. They all drink flavored lattes or mochas. I could make you a milky way, it is a mocha with carmel, chocolate and marshmellow"

I can't help but turn the edge of my lip up in a snear, "I will never understand why people do that to their espresso. An americano is just 2 shots of espresso and hot water."

"Sounds simple, coming right up"

As she preps the machine and stamps the grounds I turn around and admire the waves crashing on the beach just over the jetty, I would love to live next to the beach but you can't afford even a trailer on the beach if you only work retail. I close my eyes and lift my face and feel the breeze through my hair, the wind whispers in my ear "be strong, open your heart". I have always been able to hear thoughts over the wind but I have never heard one so clear.

"Here you go, that will be $2"

I reach for the last blueberry muffin out of the basket and hand her a $10, "keep the change."

"I couldn't the bill is only $4"

"I started out pulling shots, it is not easy and you did a great job they are perfect."

With a tip of my head I turned and walked back to the truck with more of a skip in my step, I wasn't lying these shots were marvelous and well worth the cash, besides she was a auntie too.

I hopped into the driver's seat and set off I have many more hours to go before I meet my unknown family.

Part II

The drive went by pretty quickly, I did my best to not think too much about what was to come. My childhood wasn't much of a childhood, I spent my days raising my younger brothers and working to pay the mortgage and bills while my mother played video games with her teenage boyfriends. I had a hard time relating to most people my age, the most they had to worry about was how were they going to get gas money out of their mom's wallet. My sister was only 2 years younger than me and I knew nothing about her.

In her letter I found out that she is the oldest of 5 siblings that we shared, three girls and 2 boys, I had no idea until I opened that letter that there were so many, the youngest was 6 years old. My parents had a very bad break up that was full of politics and hatred and a few kidnapping attempts, needless to say it was not fun to be a kid living through that.

My only memory of my bio dad was when I was in kindergarden and we was visiting our house, he had surprised us. After walking around the block twice he wanted to cross the street but I told him we weren't allowed to without asking mom first. "I am your dad it will be fine". Half way across the street I pulled away and ran back to the house to tell mom, he picked up my brother and ran as fast as he could. My adopted dad raced out of the house and punch my bio dad in the face, grabbed my brother and came back to the house. That was the last time I had seen him until I was out of high school.

When you are the oldest it is hard to image your younger siblings not remembering the same things that you do but they don't. I wonder what my sister remembers? What does she know about me? Does she know that I raised our brother? Did she know we had a brother? Who was her mom? Is she close with our dad? Did she grow up knowing that he loved her? Or did she always wonder about that? My mind will explode if I keep thinking like this, I have to focus on what will happen next.

The last few hours of driving I had a hard time keeping my eyes on the road and my mind awake. It was about 3am when I pulled into town, it was too early to look up anyone in town so I found the first motel 6 with the best lit front office and pulled in. With the only credit card I owned I walked into the lobby to find young woman about my age working the front counter.