psychosis 2

SIX

SPECIAL REPORT - area workers get it up the ass
frank cotton reporting to you live from the scene of the crime. appears that all the employees of a local franchise of a national pizza delivery semi-monopoly took it upon themselves to change the payday paycheck policy of said franchise. huh? they decided to NOT let their employees pick their checks up after 2:PM, and opted to bump it to 4:PM. the main point of contention? NOT GETTING ****ING PAID comes to mind right off the bat, followed a close second by THE COCKSUCKERS didn't bother to tell us of the change! to add further insult to injury, when frank offered to be the point man on the assault (to go to the office and raise a stink/beat his head upside an immovable object/likely get fired, etc.), he found that the scum in question had decided to hide under their rock, rather than risk facing the heat. frank was pissed. his righteous rage unnoticed, frank was forced to return to the front lines (return to work, empty-handed and slack-jawed, much to the disappointment of his fellow slaves), having accomplished ****-all. the solution? you got me, what can we do? no one could afford to walk out, and everyone's already broke, so we all took it like good little victims. the moral of this tale? what moral, we got ****ed! they get the extra two days interest on their $, and we get dick. literally, and figuratively. possible repercussions? duh, none! got any ideas? the damage is done. they won, we lost. score remains, and will, until we get ****ed again, us-0, them-1. this is frank cotton, for K.A.L.I. news, signing off

frank cotton here with a follow-up to a previous report
reporting to you from the heart of the sun, it is i, frank cotton, your loyal friend and confidant. not quite the answer to your prayers, but sometimes we take what we can get. tonight's top story, the rape/plight of the lowly pizza worker/world, remains unchanged. an unnamed source, who obviously wishes to remain anonymous, informs us that someone took it upon themselves to make a rather pitiful attempt at a counter-insurgency (strike a blow for the downtrodden, you idiot), and CUT THE PHONE LINES. well. sigh. whoop-di-do. big help there. sure, it might cost the oppressor, in the long run, the meager pittance in interest (boo-hoo) they hoped to save (greedy pieces of ****) in the first place, but what good did it really do? if no one orders pizza, everyone gets sent home, and no one gets paid, adding to the net loss/misery of all. well, not quite. or, at least, not exactly. at least someone did something, however petty and misguided. probably some piss-poor, last-second, last-ditch grab at just a wee bit of justice/revenge. but you have to give them a little credit. the internet orders still got thru (seperate system, who knew?), so it wasn't a total loss. everyone got to work some, except for yours truly, who was day shift, and fed the **** up and glad to get the hell out of there anyways. i went to BORDERS (hello, anyone there AT ALL? anyone paying any attention at all?), got a cup of joe, and a BOOK. lead by, ah, what's the point. the point is, sometimes, you've got to do something, even if it's wrong, even if it seems pointless, and even if it flies in the face of all reason. that said, it is NOT the policy of this 100% law-abiding radio station (we are already on parole/probation, another story, another time, involving a federally insured financial institution, and a NON-VIOLENT, if unauthorized, withdrawal) to endorse this sort of unprincipled, illegal, actionable, irresponsible, misguided, and/or antisocial, yet still sort of, well, you know, ahem, behavior. no siree. we'll not be having it here. we wash our hands, and all that. but we would like to say, that we are glad to see, that someone, somewhere, grasped the underlying message of FIGHT CLUB. that we can't just riot in the streets, or do anything else remotely overt, without bringing the iron fist of law and order/retaliation/NEW WORLD ORDER/one world government down on our heads. without innocent people dying. RED DAWN ain't happening, folks, it's just a movie. they might just decide to exterminate us all, rather than risk losing CONTROL. which is what it's all about, what this is all about, what everything is all about. it's what they want. they're waiting for the first BRICK to be thrown. you see it, you know it, even if you're too scared to admit it. which is ok. we're all scared, and we all love our families, and we don't want anyone, especially the innocent, getting hurt. which is why god love us. and he really does love all of you. he's not just sitting around waiting, regardless of what you might have heard, to sort out the good from the bad, and send us all to hell. he's right down here with you, right now, going thru the same things you are. he's here in the trenches, on the front line, so-to-speak, hint hint, wink wink, because he knows you couldn't respect someone who just sat on their high horse, condemning and punishing people for the sins of others. because he knew you couldn't believe in someone who would take all of the credit, and none of the blame. because he loves you so much that, if you're going down, he's going stand with you, take your hand, and not let you go down all alone. no. he's here to help. to point out the little things you might have missed. like the millions of miles of unprotected phone lines and fiber optic cable that serves the MACHINE, the BEAST, which is already here, has been here all along, and is waiting for supper. to point out that if everyone, and i mean EVERYONE, stayed home from work on the same day, just once, it might send a message to our masters. that they're on borrowed time. that we know what they're up to, finally. that our eyes are open, we are paying attention, and that maybe, just maybe, if they really want to push us, we might fight back, really fight back, tooth and claw, tooth and nail, to the LAST MAN STANDING. i will. i'll stand with you, and i'll be there for you, if you'll just put aside the petty little differences, if only during this time of crisis, and come together, for your own good, and the good of all mankind. this is frank cotton, for KALI news, anywhere and everywhere, wishing you all a good night. and god willing, you may hear from us again.

SEVEN

you just heard GIVE YOU MY LOVIN off SHE HANGS BRIGHTLTY, SHE'S MY BABY off SO TONIGHT THAT I MIGHT SEE, and CRY, CRY from AMONG MY SWAN, all by MAZZY STAR. and with that, we're back on the air with frank cotton, on the allnight show, live from the center of your mind, on KALI. the last show ended somewhat abruptly, partly because frank had to take a wizz. and then he took a nap, forgetting to leave a tape or something on. my bad. and then the next day, we had that live report thing to do. and yesterday, well, frank got fired for the nap thing. but since it's frank's station, he hired me back, and here we are. again. a couple things before we get back to the music, tho, first being the word of the day, THINK. why that particular word? because thinking is important, and you, and i mean all of you, aren't doing enough of it. which is why i have to keep yakkin' when i should be pumpin' out the jams. second thing is a new feature that i may or may not have mentioned was coming, and that is product recommendations (got no time for reviews). the sponsor for this is CONSOLIDATED HEAVY INDUSTRIES (CHI), a subsidiary of frank cotton unlimited, where we buy ****, use it, abuse it, and tear it to pieces (like in HELLRAISER), then report to you whether or not it's worth your $. essentially, it's me telling you what i like. i like SANSA MP3 players, LEXAR jump drives, and LOGITECH speakers/cordless mice/joysticks. and that's all of that for today. lastly, i'd like to talk about why we're here. not to be confused with THE POINT, which i did get around to, or the reason, which i am, in my good time, getting to, but WHY. the sad thing is, you should all know this, but the vast majority of you don't. that's why i'm here now. it's also WHO, HOW we got here (individually), WHAT interests most of us and keeps everything going, etc, etc. what it's all about is WOMEN. or girls, females, which ever you prefer. it's about MOTHERS, SISTERS, DAUGHTERS, AUNTS and NIECES, WIVES, GIRLFRIENDS and LOVERS. each and every one of them. sure, guys are important, too, but women are MORE IMPORTANT. from my lips, to your ears. i may or may not have said it here before, but it bears repeating nonetheless, over and over, until it gets thru your thick, ignorant skulls - WOMAN WAS GOD'S GIFT TO MAN, THAT HE MIGHT KNOW BEAUTY AND JOY. THERE IS NO GREATER SIN THAN TO FAIL HER. write it down somewhere, e-mail it to others, tattoo it backwards on your forehead so you'll see it every time you look in the mirror. burn it into your soul. there's more to it than that, always is, really, but that boils it all down to it's essence. learn it, live it, and love it. or else. 'cause the way women are treated in this world is UNACCEPTABLE. and it is going to change, one way or another. you can either ALL pitch in and help, the way it should be, the way i sincerely hope it will be, or i will do it MYSELF, in which case there just might have to be SEVERE consequences for non-participation. DON'T PISS ME OFF, people, any more than i ALREADY AM. i hide it well, because i have to, but i am plenty FED-THE-FUCK-UP with the whole damn planet. you sure as hell give me more than enough other reasons, true, but this is one of the main sticking points, and THE ONE that REALLY, REALLY pushes my buttons. how are my angels treated? they are demeaned, berated, verbally abused, beaten, molested, burned, disfigured, maimed, raped, tortured, mutilated, and chopped into pieces. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MINUTE OF EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY, RIGHT BEFORE MY VERY EYES. AND IT IS ALL GOING TO STOP, AND IT GODAMNED WELL WILL BE SOONER THAN LATER. anyone here see UNFORGIVEN? wonder what the title meant? you just may find out. remember what BILL MUNNY said at the end, about coming back and killing every last one of them? WELL, DO I REALLY HAVE TO? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? IS THAT WHAT IT'S GOING TO TAKE? no, i don't mean each and every single one of you; you're not all monsters. but many of you, who wouldn't even raise your voice at a woman, for any reason, won't even raise an eyebrow at some other 'man' who does. much less raise your hand to stop some piece of **** from beating one. AND THAT'S WRONG! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT? OR DO YOU JUST NOT CARE? not your business...YOU WANT A SLAP UPSIDE YOUR FUCKING HEAD? of course it is. OF ALL THE STUPID - against the law...FUCK THE LAW! if it's against the law TO STOP SOMEONE FROM BEATING ON A WOMAN, then THE LAW IS WRONG! and if you won't at the very least TRY to change it, then YOU ARE WRONG, TOO. and CULPABLE. look it up if you don't know what it means. there's a problem here. or two. maybe more. one is, some of you are just plain COWARDS. another is, you're TOO civilized, and you THINK you're above some things, especially VIOLENCE. but you shouldn't be. there are APPROPRIATE uses for violence, and one of them is to STOP THE MONSTERS FROM HURTING THE GIRLS. WHICH I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HAVING TO POINT OUT. i'm going to add something here that's not quite finished, but it sums all this up nicely - MAN SHOULD BE CAPABLE OF BRILLIANCE; OF ART, AND OF JOY, AND OF LOVE OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. AND HE SHOULD BE EQUALLY CAPABLE OF THE INDIGNANCE, AND THE ANGER, AND THE VIOLENCE AND DESTRUCTION OF THE BASEST ORDER THAT IS REQUIRED TO PROTECT THEM. food for thought. and please, think about it, about all of this. there's lots more to be said on this one subject, women, but that's all i have time for tonight. because my mom worries about me staying up all night. she's afraid it'll wreck my health, and/or cause me to have a car accident, or get fired, etc. 'cause she's my mom, and that's part of what the good ones do. worry about us. and since i don't want her to worry (anyone paying any attention at all?), i'm going to try and get to bed at a reasonable hour. she doesn't know about all this; me, and what i've been posting, or why i'm doing it. she doesn't need to, and she might not be able to handle it. any of it. and since i love her, and want her to be happy, i'll do what she asked, and i'm not going to tell her about this. need-to-know, and all that. but don't worry, the show will go on, i'll just turn it over to frank. goodnight, all. and god bless.

EIGHT

and we're back with the allnight show, here on 6.6.6 on your XM dial, and this is your gracious host, frank cotton. the last few songs you heard were, WASTED, and FADE INTO YOU, both from SO TONIGHT THAT I MIGHT SEE, capped off with TAKE EVERYTHING off (ha ha ha ) of AMONG MY SWAN, all by MAZZY STAR, and if you haven't guessed by now, we really love HOPE SANDOVAL here at the station. when we decide to chill, we don't waste our time on 'britney' and her clones, HELL NO! we like women with something to say, and with voices that will actually wring the blood out of your heart! if i EVER see one of those teeny-bopper's CDs within a mile of this place, i will cave someone's head in. anyones. really, i hate that pseudo-disco hippity-hoppity crap. it's like someone draggin' a dumpster across a parking lot; it just grates on my nerve. the last one. and so, mornin', kids! we havin' a good time tonight? ya know, frank realizes that the show last night, and those special reports were a bit of a downer. true, what needed to be said was said, and the show's finally on the road, so to speak, but yeah, that was some depressing ****. so tonight we're going to liven things up a tad, and hopefully get back to some real heavy sounds. that slow stuff is alright for slow dancin' and making out, but too much of it will put you to sleep. hey, let's get goin'! the word of the day is INSANITY, and we'll be having plenty of that tonight! and here in the UNDERVERSE, we like our hi-tech toys, and that brings us to this morning's PRODUCT RECOMMENDATIONS. frank likes DELL computers - he's had two of their desktops, and is typing this out on one of their laptops. she's a killer machine. we also like SAITEK products, such as their ILLUMINATED KEYBOARDS (don't tell, but i'm getting one of those TRON boards as soon as the lawsuits are settled), and their JOYSTICK/THROTTLE CONTROLS. and that's a wrap. on to the show. the next songs you'll be hearing are BARELY LEGAL, LAST NIGHT, and HARD TO EXPLAIN by THE STROKES, from the album THIS IS IT. we'll be easing our way back into the metal, rather than taking the immediate, jarring route. but first, we have a message from that annoying EMERGENCY BROADCAST bull****. sorry, but i don't make the rules, that's the FCC's purview. we'll skip the sirens and all that. so, stay tuned for a public service anouncement: hi, this is frank cotton speaking, uncle frank to those of you in the know. anyone ever see a little movie called HELLRAISER? nevermind. this message is for all the girls out there, so all you dudes can just go back to your game, or your current project, or jerking off, or whatever the hell it is you were doing, ok? fine. now, ladies, with those assholes out of the way, what say we take over the world? about time, don't you think? they've been ****ing it up long enough, so let's have some REAL change, for a change. but, before we get started, how about a little music to set the mood? we'll start with WALK AWAY, by FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH (sounds cool, but is way too long), from the album WAR IS THE ANSWER (see how this all goes together...), followed by CANDY'S ROOM (where i'd like to be) by BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN (and the e street band) off DARKNESS ON THE EDGE OF TOWN, and EARTH vs ME by POWERMAN 5000 (this band features ROB ZOMBIE's brother, eh) from MEGA KUNG-FU RADIO. a quick aside here, what's with these stupid ****ing names for albums, and bands, and ****? it takes forever to type! anyways, frank's got notes all over the place here, but he's just going to wing it tonight. there's a line from MAGNUM FORCE, and it goes something like, ALL OF OUR HEROES ARE DEAD. feels that way sometimes, don't it? it's true, in a way, but it's also false, 'cause i'm here. your new hero, frank cotton. there's three of us actually, there's me here, there's me at SUICIDEGIRLS.COM, and there's one more of me at OBSESSEDARTIST.COM. anyone here see MULTIPLICITY? don't have to raise your hands, i can see some of you nodding. there's just too much for one person to do by himself. so, here and/or there we are, for you. the girls. my girls. i'll tell you all a secret, a big one, in fact. the world wasn't created for you, it was created for me. why? because! god, i hate talking about this, it is so embarassing. so i can get laid! that's it, all nice and tidy, and now that it's out in the open, let me explain myself. god ain't cute. he's not gonna tell you what he looks like, 'cause he's not up for being mobbed. he's not too good with crowds. he used to be shy, but that's finally, finally, over with. so what happened to frank? well, when he was around thirteen years old, rumor had it that frank was gay (even tho he didn't even know what the **** that meant at the time), and all the girls quit talking to him. this was back when being queer was a big deal, and in addition to the aforementioned problem, frank was kind of an oddball to start with. he didn't like sports, he liked art. pretty things, beautiful things, like all of you pretty girls out there. nothing wrong with liking girls, but if you don't like sports, too, you might as well have FAGGOT stamped on your forehead. and it was all downhill from there. girls, i hate to do it, but can we call a break, please? i need a smoke, something to drink, and i don't know but i might oughta need to go out back right quick and jerk off, because all this talk about girls, and those pictures from the website and all are distracting the **** out of me. sorry to be so forward about it, but i want you to know the truth, just exactly what is going on at all times, and i want you to be able to trust me. i won't ask you to have faith, or blindly follow orders, just please, please, trust me. and we'll be right back after a word from our sponsor...

NINE

and that was frank cotton for OBSESSEDARTIST.COM, where you can find some of frank's own stuff, if you feel like wasting that much time. thanks frank, and i'm your host, frank cotton at K.A.L.I. radio on your, well, the lawyers have informed me that i can no longer refer to 'your XM dial', so we're going to start the show by officially, more or less, hell, let's just call it YOUR IM DIAL, from here on out, for lack of anything better. that settled, ok. before we get back to my latest ramble, we need some sounds. frank! let's hear JUST GOT WICKED, CONFESSION, IT'S ALL GOOD, and ANTI-LOVE SONG by COLD off 13 WAYS TO BLEED ON STAGE. got that? no, wait just a second frank, there's one thing i need to do first. a dedication, to all of the women in the world, from me. i started writing it for KRISTIN, worked on it some more for VIVICA, the one that almost killed me, and finished it for LESLIE. it's called WHAT WOULDN'T I DO ---
i would/wait ‘til the end of time - for you/walk back and forth thru hell - for you/do anything you ask me to - altho - were you to ask/i could not say/the color of your eyes/for being so lost in them/i would - live for you - die for you/never cease to cry - for you/rearrange the stars - for you/i would - never think of you/that way again/if ever you should require it/what wouldn’t i do - for you/i would - go away and never return/never look back/if ever you should desire it/i would do anything - for you/all you need do - is ask ---
well, as soon as frank dries his eyes, we'll get back to it. i think we'll line up some more tunes, as this could be a long night. hell, let's just stay up from now 'til the end of time! frank's high enough, ain't ya, frank? what is it tonight? caffiene, nicotine, hydrocodone, good old SUGAR, a touch of this, a pinch of that, no weed, frank's gettin' tested once a month, and top it off with the secret ingredient (legal), not alcohol, the old man drank, and BAM! frank is good to go. let's have PROVE TO YOU, by CHEVELLE, off WONDER WHAT'S NEXT (done the right way, FILTER), MEANT TO LIVE, by SWITCHFOOT from THE BEAUTIFUL LETDOWN, and LOVESONG, by KORN, off that album i can never remember the name of. STEPHEN KING wrote a short story about people on smoke breaks being able to see aliens, anyone else read that? could be important. YOU NEVER KNOW. FRANK! add YOU, MY PRIDE, & ME, and I'VE GOT FRIENDS, MANCHESTER ORCHESTRA, EVERYTHING TO NOTHING, k? and, uh, sorry dude, one more here; AWAKENING, by DROWNING POOL from the UNDERWORLD soundtrack. yes, i'm done. before we return to the sad tale that is frank's mortal existence, it's PRODUCT RECOMMENDATION time. KNIVES! frank loves knives, has a remarkable collection of knives, swords, all kinds of sharp, pointy, poky things, that sadly, he can't get within ten feet of because of the parole thing. just ten months to go, and i'm a free man, more or less. you girls like NICHOLAS CAGE and JOHN TRAVOLTA, right? so you've seen FACE/OFF? remember the thing with the girl and the knife? sound advice ladies, and i propose, no, not THAT kind of proposal, i propose that you arm yourselves against the possibility of global catastrophe, or maybe just some deranged asshole after something he doesn't deserve. because you don't just give it to anybody, now, do you? some things are indeed, more precious than all the gold in the world. rambling? just what the hell are you trying to say frank? that i talk too much, is that it? too mouthy? speak up, frank! i thought so. gutless. so frank recommends knives by GERBER, BENCHMADE, SMITH & WESSON (for the budget conscious), TEKNA, if you can find them, BOKER, hell, FURY (as in a woman scorned) has an unbelievably large selection to choose from. many of these are available at your local FLEA MARKET. frank would really like to see all you lovelies ready, willing and able to field strip and reassemble COLT .45s and M16s in the dark, but, well, that's one of his darker fantasies, and we ain't got that much time. so arm up, please ladies, for the lives you save may well be your own. if you didn't get my drift, every single chick on the planet should have her very own, sharp and lethal personal defense system, in the form of, well, a knife. frank took a stripper to RED LOBSTER, as no one else was interested, and since she'd just parted ways with her very own psycho-asshole boyfriend, i gave her a nice six inch DAGGER as a conversation starter/ice breaker kind of thing. worked like a charm, you should have seen her eyes light up. more about that disaster later. this is like a soap opera, just kind of drops off here, picks up there, and eventually comes to some sort of conclusion. hey, i told you how ****ed up i am, right? SO. you know, all frank really wants is one clear, unobstructed shot at this ASHLEY chick. is that too much to ask? she's so cute, and she's already hangin' out with a KNOWN CHEATER! he had never even met her before, and now here she is, every night this week, hanging out and watching movies and driving me out of my ****ing mind. how the **** does this **** happen? are you girls doing it to each other, because i'm sure it had something to do with AMY. SMOKE BREAK! so she knows he cheats on everyone, even the one he was planning to marry, and, uh, hey girls, are the guys still distracted and not paying attention? good, because this is for your ears only. can you please tell me why you set yourselves up like this? you know he cheats, and you think what, he's going to change just for you? he should, i mean hell, i would, but frank's just not purty enuf, right? but he (that dude, not me) sure is cute and, and, just what the hell is this all about anyways? it isn't about me. or is it? what is it all about, anyways? wait, i think i remember, i think it was all about PUSSY. that's it. hey, dude, i think it's about time we got COURTNEY back in here, no, not on the show, she's hangin' with NIKKI SIXX, i mean, well, just put the whole CD on. not that one, the other one. idiot. damnit. might as well just do it myself...hey, there's a thought. frank, just play 'em both, back to back. yes. and let the cat in too, while you're up, and well, it's cold and rainy outside, let her in, dry her off, and give her some treats, it's not like it'll kill you. christ. the dude gets on my nerve sometimes. no, not that one, the other one. no, not the other nerve, the other frank, frank, geez, how hard is it to keep all this straight? SMOKE BREAK! again, what do you mean, again, it's just that, that...that's enough frank, seriously, dude, get a grip. ok?

TEN

it is the allnight show here on radio KALI, 6.6.6 on your IM dial, broadcast to you every night from the DARK SIDE OF THE MOON (yes, i know it's actually the far side, but DARK sounds cooler), and i am your host, frank cotton. glad to have you all here! you just heard SEX AS A WEAPON, PAT BENATAR, SEVEN THE HARD WAY (my favorite number, not lucky, mind, just favorite), THIS AIN'T A SCENE, IT'S AN ARMS RACE, FALLOUT BOY, INFINITY ON HIGH (you know, i don't just play these for entertainment), DOWN IN IT, NINE INCH NAILS, PRETTY HATE MACHINE, and MINE ARE THE EYES OF GOD, by CORROSION OF CONFORMITY, a NORTH CAROLINA band, off their album BLIND. maybe it's just me, but i think the names of some of these bands, the titles of some their albums, and even the titles of some of the songs might mean something. if only to me. the lyrics certainly do. we've some new features on the show tonight, but first up is the word of the day, and that is POWER. it figures prominently in this mornings rant/diatribe/speech/lesson, whatever you prefer to call it. more on that later, now, however, it is recommendation time - not just products anymore, no, we're also going to tell you what books and films frank likes...what, you don't care? well, too bad i'm tellin' ya anyways. just watched TRUE ROMANCE at the bro's house today, you girls might like him, he just left his wife after 18 years, having stayed with her for better then ten of those just for his daughter's sake. she's a beautiful girl, resembles her cousin RACHEL a bit, getting a little too spoiled lately, but that's the wicked witches fault, and we'll save that for another time. he's not as pretty as frank (well, that's not true), but he is somewhat attractive. he'd not seen it, suprisingly enough. great film, lot's of good ideas to be gleaned from it. we also like KICK-ASS, and DEFENDOR, plenty more good ideas in both of 'em. more like that, please. frank, it's too quiet in here, if you get my drift. some PEARL JAM would do nicely, maybe REAR VIEW MIRROR, off VS, TERRIBLE LIE, NINE INCH NAILS, same as before, NAILBOMB, SUM OF YOUR ACHEIVEMENTS and 24 HOUR BULL****, off POINT BLANK, and whatever else your little black heart desires. ladies, if you will, find the boys something to do, as this is another YOUR EARS ONLY deal. before we get to it, tho, frank needs a smoke, maybe a snack, and something to drink.

and we're back! let's see...BALISONG makes some sweet butterfly knives, seen in KICK-ASS, mentioned previously on the show. and knives brings us back to where we left off on our last 'cast, where we were talking about all you wonderful ladies out there taking over the world. didn't think i'd forgotten, did you? you see, girls, i'm doing all this, the way i'm doing it, for a reason. that being, the guys are going to be very unhappy, especially with frank, when they finally realize what's going on here. at this point, frank is, to most boys and girls, just some dip**** who has actually hit on a brilliant idea that he can use to draw attention to his off-the-wall creativity, that is, using the fake radio show idea to try and sell his stories, and other (story-related) ideas. which is true - frank is broke, living with his mother, and working part-time delivering pizzas in a car she bought for him. we'll get to the whys and wherefores later, but suffice it to say, here and now, frank's life is in ruins. he had a great job five years ago, before he met the demon, troubleshooting mainframe software issues for a major bank. please, stop laughing, this is serious. i really did. forty grand a year, $1000 a month apartment, and a new ride every two years; everything BUT the girl, who, eventually led to my doom. i'll get to her in time. at this time, this is who i am (or at least appear to be) to pretty much any and all. another nut on the internet, mildly amusing, trying to make a buck. might even have some good product, believe it or not. this certainly is quite a story so far, isn't it? so here we are, and frank is telling you how to take over and fix everything. inevitably, someone, somewhere (i'm talking about the guys here, the ones who, essentially, run the world thru governments and financial institutions, and corporations and religions, the REAL oppressors, in the real world), is going to catch on, and start blabbing to the rest of the guys, that frank is up to something serious behind their backs, and the **** will hit the fan. this WILL happen. but, for now, it's just you girls, me, and the cat (female). and this is just crazy talk. a show. but what it really is, is what i've been saying from the start; it's a wake up call, that is mainly for the women of the world, because, let's face it, the guys are why everything's all ****ed up to begin with. you know this - you've known this, pretty much, all along. the problem is, you've been trying to make your strides, your advancements, out in the open, in their faces. which is why it isn't working. they hate that ****. and they will string you along, give you an inch here, and an inch there, and let you think you are making progress. you are, but not that much. not nearly enough. and you don't know what to do, which is why i'm here, right now. you see, i'm half girl. really. most guys have got at least a touch, or a smudge, or an itty-bitty piece of girl in them, but frank has a full half. he's half everything; half-crazy, half-assed, half good, half bad. he is the mean between the absolutely fixed (extreme good/bad) and the infinitely variable (utter chaos). the reason the world is headed towards disaster is because it's unbalanced, overly male, and i am here to help you wonderful girls to bring it back to EQUILIBRIUM. seen it? it's a great film, and has some very good ideas in it. the thing is, it's wrong. in it's world, there's not enough emotion, and the answer is more. in the real world, there's TOO MUCH emotion, and the answer is LESS. your first impulse is to tell frank to **** off, and quit listening. please, don't. the entire world is at stake, and we don't have the time for argument. if you will allow me to, i will explain myself and that statement, at length. all you stand to lose is a little of your time. but what you stand to gain is, if you will just listen with an open mind, and seriously consider as truth the things i will tell you, is EVERYTHING. we'll be taking a short SMOKE BREAK at this time, but the show will return directly. i sincerely hope you will see fit to join me.

it's morning in the real world, but here at the outer limits it is always the witching hour. sunday morning, to be exact, frank's day, and frank just told his mom, who's getting ready for church, about the SECRET weapon you girls will be using for your future overthrow of everything. he's hinted around to her about what he's up to, and she thinks he's just being frank, but he finally got a positive reaction from her, today. and that's about as good of a stamp of approval as we're likely to get. frank's mom was a fed for almost forty years (and his outlaw ways were a major irritant), but she worked hard, and was enjoying her retirement right up until i got locked up. bad frank. what a pitiful excuse for a son. i have a lot to make up for. she also was a BIG SISTER, and her once little sister is now a Police Officer. please, DON'T call them pigs. some are, but MOST, are not. she also stayed with her husband, my dad, an alcoholic CHEATER (who, to his credit, never touched her in anger) for eighteen years, mainly for the sake of my brother and me. she finished raising him on her own. we turned out to be a couple of borderline losers, but that was our fault, not hers, and eventually, we both straightened our acts up, which i have to credit to her example. she's, like, the prototype for all of you - she's not afraid to get her hands dirty when necessary. she's 5'2", maybe 110 lbs soaking wet. she was damn good-looking, back in the day, and a sharp dresser. she shot a perfect score with a 9mm handgun when she was sixty-five (she can shoot well with BOTH hands), at her yearly qualification. she used to meet planes at the airport at 4:00 in the morning, all by herself, in the middle of nowhere, as part of her job. she once slapped yours truly across a sidewalk, and up a short flight of stairs. i was way more afraid of her, in my twenties, than i was of my dad, who scared the living **** out of me in my teens. she's tough. which is what you need to be. frank, let's have some music, i'm thinking SPAWN, by SILVERCHAIR/VITRO, from the film's soundtrack, FF=66 by JAWBOX, off FOR YOUR OWN SPECIAL SWEETHEART, maybe some RISE AGAINST, possibly LIFE LESS FRIGHTENING from SIREN SONG OF THE COUNTER-CULTURE, and THE GOOD LEFT UNDONE followed by PRAYER OF THE REFUGEE off of THE SUFFERER & THE WITNESS. after that, it's your call, just remember to write it all down, for a change. i believe we were talkin' 'bout knives at some point, and i'd like to add a few words on that subject. no female should go ANYWHERE, ever, without some kind of potentially lethal protection. i don't care if she's with her biker/bouncer/half-back boyfriend, or Marine husband, or in a ****ing tank; she should have her own, personal and familiar, self-defense accessories. she really ought to have a nice compact 9mm handgun, like a KAHR K9, or a STAR FIRESTAR, something that would fit in a small purse, loaded with hollow-points, giving her enough firepower to take out three, or, maybe even four, miscreants. ever seen MS. .45? if not, maybe you should, real soon. do you know why, guys like handguns? because it's the POWER, of the angel of ****ing death, right smack-dab in the palm of their hands, that's why. but, they aren't very lady-like (as if), so for standard operating equipment, we'll be sticking to knives and stabbing weapons. consider handguns a HIGHLY DESIRABLE, maybe a-kind-of a, a, well, a, a-little-bit-further-down-the-road-kind-of option. can't get a knife thru security checkpoints/metal detectors? well, here is where i come in handy. how about a nice, over-sized, solid stainless steel pen, with a teeny-tiny little point? get mine? in prison, they would strip-search you for weapons, and when they were done, give you a big ol' pointed plastic pen. WTF? does that make any sense? yes, it does! it levels out the playing field inside, so everyone has at least SOMETHING they could use in a fight, and thereby, a fighting chance at survival. which is what we're talking about here. the survival of you young ladies individually, and of the human race as a whole. 'cause it is getting damn near close to closing time, if you get my drift. hey! how about one of those big, long, three-sided, hard plastic pens? you could stab the **** out of someone with one of those! sorry about the dead air there, i had to run outside for a quick smoke, and pick the cigarette butts up, out in the yard, that my sorry, worthless, alter-ego frank pitches out of the windows at night. the NO SMOKING sign stays on permanently, inside the station, so, if you want one, it's either, hang your head out one window or another, or go entirely outside. she makes the rules, folks, i just enforce 'em. back to the show. frank RECOMMENDS: PENTEL writing instruments, as well as CROSS, MONT BLANC, and many other fine manufacturers of quality writing, aw, hell, just get some frickin' pens! who is going to take a pointy, well-made, and very attractive, yet potentially very dangerous pen/weapon away from such a lovely, young, thing as yourself? in the right hands, say, of some macho, asshole, pumped-up steroid-abusing dude, that COULD be a terribly dangerous weapon, but in your dainty little hands, why, who would ever even think such a thing? well, me, for one. and, if you follow me, you, for another. how about NAIL FILES? a nice, razor sharp edge, on one side or the other, could come in handy in case of an emergency! frank would like to interrupt himself now, for a couple more, maybe even several, product, or book, and/or film RECOMMENDATIONS. take it away, frank! hi ladie's, frank cotton here, your host with the most, say, hey, frank, those pills kick in yet? the ones you, oh, sorry, you weren't supposed to hear that. yet. books, you say, there, dude? ok, how about THE ILLUMINATUS! TRILOGY: THE EYE IN THE PYRAMID, THE GOLDEN APPLE (hey, ****, this is weird; frank once, a long, long time ago, applied for a dishwashing position at a store called THE GOLDEN ****ing APPLE. right here in frank's home town, in our galaxy, not quite so far, far away. this is just too ****in' weird, man, hey, dude, am i trippin'?), LEVIATHAN, by, hey, frank, i thought you told me you wrote those? well, it says right here on AMAZON.COM that a couple of guys named Robert wrote 'em. right ****ing there, frank, you lying son of a - HEY, don't you even THINK about goin' there frank, unless you want some of this! we don't cotton to that kind of expression around these here parts, and you know that, so, just settle the **** down, frank. please. if you don't mind, sir. thank you. man, i need to take a leak.

ELEVEN

live, from the fortress of ultimate darkness, it's the all-night show, with your host, absolute evil himself, frank cotton! take it away, frank! why, thank you, frank, i think i just might, at that. hi kids, this here's frank, your host, and this is the allnight show. that song you just heard was YOU'RE GONNA GO FAR, KID, by THE OFFSPRING, off their disc, RISE AND FALL, RAGE AND GRACE, and a more appropriate song to kick off with, i can not compute. available @ AMAZON.COM, of course, and also @ BORDERS, which brings me to the start of tonight's bitch session. lots to go over, so the word o' day, and recommendations and all is gonna be late. or, at least, later. BORDERS, people, what did i tell you just a short while ago, is FILING FOR BANKRUPTCY as early as next week! did you not hear me last time? i told you they needed help, didn't i? so why didn't you? help them, what the FUCK do you think i mean? i'm not playing here, if they fold THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY! to ME, and PERSONALLY! get it? obviously not. so we'll just let that be the TOP STORY tonight, in our new feature, FUCKED UP NEWS! don't know what else to call it, and you'll soon find out why. BAD FUCKING NEWS? eh, don't think so. so, without any further bs, here's your news anchor, frank cotton. welcome aboard, frank! well, thank you kindly, frank, glad to be here, and to be of service to your many fine listeners. think i'll just get to it, here. first, or rather, second, is this: according to the AP (look it up), 50 year old JULIE SCHENECKER shot her kids, CALYX and BEAU, 13, in the head, twice, mind you, for the heinous crime of what? frank! did you see this? she shot them because they back-talked her! no ****, i'll be damned! i thought the old man was bad, what with his belt and all that, but, sheesh...appears her 16 year old, the GIRL, told the ptb that she'd been struck by moms twice, and the woman also had an accident where drug use was suspected, prior to this incident. is that FUCKED UP, or what? our next tragedy/travesty is, JAYNE PERKINS, 40 (what the hell does THAT matter), got a suspended 75-day sentence (this one's local) and a 750.00 fine. for what, you ask, why, ONE count of MISDEMEANOR DEATH BY VEHICLE. seems she actually killed TWO boys, DARYL BAUCUM, and ISAIAH REYNOLDS. oh, wait, she also gots to write an apology, do 100 hours community service, and present four sessions on DISTRACTED driving. yow, that's harsh. the cause, you wonder? RUNNING HER FUCKING MOUTH ON HER FUCKING CELL PHONE! settle down there, frank, don't want to pop a vessel. true, frank, but this **** just pisses me off...anyways, what's, oh, here it is, next, we have a piece of filth, one HAROLD 'BRIGHT'(?) HARRIS JR., local again, sentenced to 70 to 85 years (not too shabby, but make up your minds) for molesting a TEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL. two counts, consolidated, at gunpoint, no less, no specifics, but he was aquited in 2000 of molesting TWO OTHER GIRLS. well, folks, i'll be right back after a quick break, i think i'm going to throw up.

TWELVE

greetings, earthlings, it is i, your host, frank cotton with the allnight show, live from the third rock from the sun, or, as we here, and many of you there, call it, hell. because, well, it is time, to clear up a bit of miscommunication, here. there is no 'heaven', out there, no hell, down below, no, this, earth, right here, is it. paradise and perdition, all in one tidy little blue/green ball. it is time to face it, people, hell, many of you, have, suspected as much all along, your holy books are mostly lies, for convenience, or otherwise. you're not going anywhere, else, anytime, soon. so, let's just, get on with the show then, shall we? the word of the day, for today, is ASSHOLE. frank just recently read ASSHOLEOLOGY: THE SCIENCE BEHIND GETTING YOUR WAY - AND GETTING AWAY WITH IT, by STEVEN B. GREEN, DENNIS LAVALLE, and CHRIS ILLUMINATI. funny as hell, altho i may, disagree with their, use of the term. i think that they, should have gone with jerk, or, prick, but, then, hey, that's just me. i save ASSHOLE, for those who really measure up to it. you can find the book @ AMAZON.COM, or BORDERS, hey, hey, BORDERS people, how many times am i, gonna, hafta, say it? get there, and, spend some money, OR ELSE! now, back, to assholes, you know, those careless ****hooks yakkin' on their cel phones, oblivious to all, else, the crooked ceos robbing retirees, and, everyone else, oblivious, etc, etc, etc. ASSHOLES! need, i, go on? well, maybe, i just will. lieing politicians who promise you, what they once said they, were against, and you, falling for it, over, and over, and over, and over, yet again. GOD IS ANGRY, folks, do you really, NOT, know why? look around...NOW, DAMNIT, I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND HERE, RIGHT, DAMN, NOW! read the paper, watch the news, the HORROR SHOW it runs 24/7/365, on, and on, and on, and on...and it is, time, now, right now, for it to stop. RIGHT NOW! and YOU, yes you, have to stop it! YES, YOU, the ones, i'm, talking to, looking at, right here, right now, YOU! well, who the FUCK else, is gonna, do it? me? what? well, FUCK THAT! if you don't care, enough to at least try, and set things right, what point would it serve for me to do it, for you? NONE WHATSOEVER! that's right! and now, right now, in today's FUCKED UP NEWS, and how, is that, for a nice segue, EGYPT! at last, someone, somewhere, is, finally, finally, ready and willing to, at the very least, at least try! unlike here, at home, where we, can't even be bothered, to call CRIMESTOPPERS if it alters, for one SPLIT-SECOND, our precious, daily, routine. FUCK YOU, PEOPLE! YOU, SUCK, AMERICA! you are, right now, 75% sissy, and if, the tanks rolled tomorrow, you'd let them just roll right on over you, now, wouldn't you, just? DO YOU REALIZE, that you are exactly, FOUR CAMEARAS and an EXECUTIVE ORDER, away, from 1984? DO YOU? yeah, well, what, well, yeah why, well, uh, who, me? yes, you, you dumb FUCK! not only did you, ask for it, you, PAID FOR IT! you, fell for it, because you were too busy going thru, the motions with your nine-to-five, white-picket-fence lives, to slow down, and take a good hard look, at just, what the hell, is, actually, really, going on right around you, right here, right now! FRANK! why am i not hearing music, frank? music, frank; music, music, music! now, now, now! am i, am i, am i gettin' thru, to you, right now, frank? well, well, thank you, frank.