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From my book, Laura. |
There were no more tears. My eyes simply had stopped shedding them. I wanted to scream and to hide. But I couldn't not come tonight. I had to. Wrapped in the pink and black shroud with a gold outline was my friend, Ameretta. Who was dead. A long, green spear was in the center of the shroud. A small plaque was carried in a white cloth while we spoke about who she was. I didn't care. All I knew was that my rock, my girlfriend, my first and only love, was gone. I was supposed to be strong, silent, and brave. I was supposed to be smart, kind, and unfeeling. But I'm not. Not inside. Only Ameretta noticed this, and she managed to get in my shell. I am called forward to speak, but I can't. My throat tightens and hot tears blur my vision again. My knees buckle and I fall, hitting the ground with a thump. I am aware of nothing but the pain in my chest, and the knowledge that Ameretta is gone. People come up and pat my back awkwardly. I don't move. I just wish they would all go away. When all that's left is dry-sobbing, I straighten to see a burning arrow hit the shroud, and the funeral pyre. Ameretta and the shroud go up in flames. I suck deep air from the night sky and try not to collapse again. Instead, I stare up at the stars, looking past the floating embers and smoke. I don't know who I am anymore. Somebody passes me Ameretta's funeral plaque, which I am to put on the hotel wall. We march inside, and stand in the entry hall. I slowly unwrap the plaque and, without seeing it, place it on the wall. It is celestial bronze, with black lettering, except for her name. I finally bring my gaze to it and burst into dry sobs. Ameretta Lawrence b. 08/01/1996 d.07/05/2012 In this unholy war, though dark as it seems, do not falter, and do not fail. I will stand behind you. All I have to say now is... Do Not Go Easy. Arms press around me and help me to my feet, leading me to my room. I am totally unaware of anything but Ameretta, her various faces flashing past my eyes. My love. My friend. My leader. My life. My everything. Never to see her 17th birthday. I decide then, to do what she wished, what she told me two nights ago, before we marched into battle. I will not go easy. And I will fight for her. |