Pouring my heart out

Dear Boy,
you're a jerk. You're a player. Yet, i feel safe in your arms. i miss talking to you all the time. I hate seeing you with her, and you know it's killing me. It's the strongest dose of the smallest poison. Your smile lightens my whole day, I think of you a lot. The lies you told me. The way you took my breath away. The way everything felt right when i'm with you. I love your eyes, smile, your laugh, We haven't talked in almost a month. and it's killing me. driving me slowly insane. I miss you more then words could describe, I wish i was your's sometimes. I wish i could feel your arms wrap around me once more. Your kiss. Soft and sweet i can't be near you, You continue to take my breathe away. you always make me laugh, i hear your name and i can't help but smile. i can't take this. just as i thought i had a chance you went back to her. still, i can't think about it, Sometimes i think about all the things you told me. I reread the old messages and i can't help but wonder if you ever do the same. Jealousy fills my whole body. December 15th. You're very distracting. When I see you and i can't help but look your way. She's not good for you. I know she's not. I see what she's doing to you and i see how she 's hurting you, and there is nothing i can do about it. i see you hurting yourself knowing there's nothing i can do. You said i uhrt you, choosing him over you, But in reality. it's the other way around. I hurt myself i knew i never stood a chance. I should've kept my guard up. When we hug, i'm afraid you can hear my heart it's beating so loud. I never should've let you in. I should've pushed you away, I shouldn't have let you get to me. Why is it so hard to let you go? i wish i still could talki to you the way i could when we talked all the time. I wish i could go back to tat day, That day i first started to like you, Could i change that? Maybe,. Oh! how i wish i could change the way i feel about you. but again i don't think you care enough to listen to what i have to say. I'm afraid to talk to you. I'm afraid you won't talk back to me. I don't want to message you, because i already know you won't message back. I'm waiting for you to speak to me. Time wasted I know after she hurts you, again, you'll want to talk to me again. Sometimes, i catch myself thinking about the day we hung out. Just me and you. *sigh* i wish, That's all i can do is wish wishes that will more then likly never come true. I miss you. What don't you understand? I want to be that girl that's always there for you. I wish I wish! I'm slowly letting go. But seeing you at school no longer is good. . . i love you,. With everything in me, and when she breaks your heart...i'll be here,,,,,, </3 Well;; that's everythign i've ever been afraid to tell you.... Good bye for now...