prologue

it was raining the day i told her how i felt. i can still smell the grass and the ozone in the air. feel the cool water showering us from the heavens. we were running for some cover and i grabbed her hand and stopped her halfway there. i looked down at the ground trying to pick up the courage to tell her, when she squeezed my hand and told me to hurry up i made up my mind.

"I love you." i said it and there was no more to fear other than her reaction. i couldn't convince myself to look up and see what she would say.

the silence between us only made it harder and the rain grew to a thunderous sound. for a second i felt her grip loosen and i held a little tighter and she knew that i needed to hear her reply.

"if i told you it would change everything. can we just keep things the way they are? i don't want to hurt you." she pulled her hand free from mine and the rain felt much colder in that moment.

"Whether we get into a relationship or not, i want to know how you really feel about me, about us?" the rain had already soaked into my shoes and i began to shiver with the slight breeze that came upon us. in my heart i would give anything for her to say she loves me too and that she wants to be with me forever. but the more i stare into her deep penetrating eyes the more i can tell thats not what she wants. then i hear it...

"I love you too..."and her voice trailed off. i look up and now her head is down im not sure if its cause she's shy about sharing her feelings or if she's builing up for something but my heart skips a beat and the cold washes away as my body reacts to hearing those three words from someone and for that person to really mean them.

"but i can't be with you. it's not you i promise." she looks up and i turn away too heartbroken to look her in the eyes.

she reaches for my hand and i try so hard to move it away before she can take it. but all i want is to hold her hand and never let go.

"just promise me one thing." she gripped my hand and turned me around to look her in the eyes. and my heart broke a little more. "Don't ever give up on me. i know right now i said that we can't be together but keep trying and one day i might be able to be with you." what she said made little sense but i told her i would keep my promise and never give up on trying to be with her.

we were 17 then and we are now 23 and go to seperate colleges across the country. the hardest part was watching her get in her car and wave goodbyhe to me as she drove away. we still message each other on whichever social media network is popular at the time and text when neither of us are busy. she sends me poems she writes and i send her songs i write. i never show anybody my songs but her and she always says i should send one to a record label. and i always tell her to send her poems to a publisher or a magazime or something but she tells me they are too personal and im the only one she trusts to tell the poems too.

one night we were texting each other and i asked how her day was and she told me that in the last week i was the only one amongst her friends and family to ask that. and that she started crying. i told her i was sorry and she just told me it wasn't my fault. and i just asked if there was anything i could do to help. i got a call fromher seconds later...

"Do you remember that promise we made six years ago?" she said over the line still sniffling a little and the sound of tears lightly made her voice a whisper.

i spoke lightly into the receiver, "Every day since then it has run through my mind. I still love you and always will. Why?" at this point my heart started pumping a little harder and my breathing became shallow and my hand clenched my pants where they bent at the knee.

"I still love you also, and i feel like its time now for us to be able to be together." the line began to gain a little static but he could still here her saddened breathing over the line.

"I've been waiting for this moment since that day. you have no idea how happy you are making me. i;m gonna be on the next flight out. ill take time off from work, and i had school vaction. i wanna see you." i felt so exstatic, i could barely control my own emotions. and i heard her give a little chuckle and she also said how happy this moment made her also. she then told me that she would visit me and for me to just stay and wait for her to text her the next day so she can find out what time she would visit.

"i love you and i can't wait to see you." those were that last words i ever heard her say.