Veniam: Chapter 1

Chapter 1

         “Luca? Luca, please? I’m begging you to just give summit a chance. One chance.” Mom's cream sweater blew around her in the wind as she tied her arms around herself from the icy spring breeze.
         “I’m getting on the bus, aren’t I?” I retorted. Her pause sent a stabbing guilty feeling straight through me.
         “I know…” she sighed. “And I know you had your hopes set on Columbia, but it just,” she paused again.”…wasn’t realistically possible.”  Taking a deep breath, she began  “With everything that’s happened in the past year and...” I cut her off. Spinning on my small feet.
         “ Mom, trust me.” I clutched her shoulders. She gazed straight into my now soft eyes. “I understand,” I said staring back at her. Loosening my grip, “I’ll be fine, no worries.” I turned my eyes back to the ground. “I’m just trying to get used to the idea, okay?” Her lips began to tremble as she waved her head to each side, as if mulling over whether or not she was doing the right thing, before nodding resiliently. “I’ll get over it, I promise,” I whispered as we threw our arms around eachother. She clung to me firmly, her fear of letting me go clear.
         I never meant to write her off, I was just, I don't know, tired. Tired of her worrying so much. It had been a year already and the past was the past. I could handle this. I could handle being away from home and away from those memories.
         “Promise me, promise you’ll be safe, Luce?” she uttered my nickname softly, pulling away from our embrace; her clear gray eyes that resembled mine so prominently tried reading into me. I needed this. She had to understand. It was the only reason I could let myself leave her and her tear stricken eyes standing at that bus station.
          I promised her of course, but I wasn’t sure how that one would play out. A new city, a new school, for all intensive purposes, a new me. Yet, what reason could she have to worry; the academy was only a couple hours away. As far as I’d heard, nothing much exciting happened there. Dad’s friends from there had given us a deal on a studio apartment, my registration was complete, and school started as soon as I arrived. What could possibly happen?
         The memory of our conversation stayed with me all the way to my destination, that is, until I fell asleep.
         “ Pomogite mne, pozhaluista? Kto to ...” Help me, please.? Someone… It echoed. Screaming and howling. Crying in agony. I looked around and around. Twirling in a circle, over and over; left, right, and back again. There was nothing, no one. Where were these screams coming from? What were they saying?
         “Hello?”  my dream-self called out. “Tell me where you are, I can’t find you!”  I yelled as air flowed in me, but instead I took in smoke. It charred my throat and I burst into hysteric coughing. My eyes bled tear after tear from the smokes irritation. “Hello…” I rasped, clasping my throat. “Help...”  I croaked. After that, no words would form. My heart began to thump against my breast in waves. Panic seized my thoughts. I looked wildly around for an escape, but there was nothing.  Black space and smoke took up every inch of this place. Beyond it all, though, I could still hear his wailing. These cries which resounded my fear were cries of desperation. This young man, yes, a young man. It must be. His voice was deep and even beautiful, as it howled. How I knew, I wasn't sure, but every part of my being responded to his calls. Aching to find him, but where and how? I couldn't understand his cries at all, but the words sounded so familiar. They resounded in a part of me that had been shut away.  It suddenly crossed my mind, now why? I wondered. Why was I worrying about who made these cries? I felt as if I was dying, right here, right now. Why did I care so much for someone I couldn’t even see? Someone I didn't even know?
         But the curiosity dug itself deep. I wanted to, no, I needed to find him. I could feel my body's lack of control. Its as if his voice were hypnotizing me, capture my dream reality and turning it into everything about him. Never had I felt so captivated, so immersed in someone beyond myself. It was beyond love, it was beyond attraction, it was pure obsession. I must find him.
         I fell down, yet there was no ground to fall to, only darkness. Somehow the surface which I crashed upon felt hard, cold, and real. My eyes shut and in an instant I was gone, but the thoughts still rang in my head. I must find him. I must.