Blazing Saddles

What a Character Contest: Prompt for February: Write a story from the point of view of an inanimate object in order to introduce your character to the reader. It can be any object, just remember that the focus is the introduction of the character.

Blazing Saddles

You may find this difficult to believe, but my owner has a very serious problem. Well! Let’s be completely honest from the start; my owner IS a serious problem.

Before I start laying out the facts supporting my case, I want you to understand that I am not prone to being critical, nor am I hoping to garner a boat-load of sympathy or syrupy compassion. I am what I am and I cannot change or modify my state. In relatively blunt terms, I am a saddle; a leather object that is placed on the back of a horse and used to transport a rider.

However, I am not just any old saddle; I am a very expensive, well-polished and seldom used saddle. I am reserved strictly for when my owner wants to impress others and show off her body and her complete lack of ability to ride. My friends; the other saddles, often pick on me and call me names like…owner’s pet and other unsavory names. But, this is not about me, it’s about my owner.

My owner; April is her name, is a self-centered, egotistical, spoiled, prima donna. There! I’ve said it. I hope the other saddles don’t do the jealous tattle-tale thingy on me.

April was not born into wealth. She did not inherit a privileged, aristocratic, blue-blood pedigree. If the true facts were known, her family was once dirt poor and would have found it exceedingly difficult to meet minimum literacy standards.

Her father was well on the way to becoming a bonafide alcoholic and her mother was very close to leaving him… and April, for another man. Neither of these two upstanding citizens would have been considered for a parenting award of any kind, unless it was for worse parent of the year or something along that line.

All that changed about a year ago when April won the lottery. Technically, she did not win, she was only seventeen when she bought the ticket and she had to give it to her charming Dad to cash it in. This could have been a good thing, if April was a different person.

Well before the great lottery moment, April was on her way to achieving, very nasty young woman status. I would say young lady, but that title would definitely not fit. She was heavy into drugs, booze, and it would take a private detective to find her virginity, which was only a very latent memory.

After achieving lottery status, the family rapidly moved up in the community. Being an inanimate object, I can’t understand this. They were still the same old losers and near gutter trash they always were, but having boat-loads of money magically made them upstanding, respectable, and highly sought after members of upper-crust society.

Naturally, April took quick advantage of her new status. She transferred to a private school; the family bought a restored antebellum mansion with stables, horses, outbuildings and enough staff to run the White House. Of course, they did this in a different county, in a different state, with a newly purchased pedigree, and well-greased palms. After all, one cannot let something as simple as a shady past ruin future glory.

I have watched as April continues to expand her horizons. She loves to whip the horses; severely, and whip her friends too when she can get away with it. She has been through half a dozen boyfriends, many who ran away in fear and total disgust.

I might also mention that she does not exactly adhere to the principles of good personal hygiene. In fact, I often shudder when I see her bottom heading for my face. This is a shame, because April is a rather pretty human female. I guess her parents never paid much attention to teaching her the minor things like cleanliness, courtesy, kindness, and other valuable and rewarding traits.

A week ago, I noticed a dramatic change in April’s personal demeanor. She met another young man and a miracle is in the making. I think it’s what humans refer to as…love.

The young gentleman in question; notice I applied the term gentleman, is the complete opposite of April. He is kind, considerate, caring, well groomed, and above all else, demanding and responsible. He does not bow down to April’s constant tantrums, and he quickly corrects her deficiencies. The miracle of it is… she allows him to do so.

With her other paramours, she often flew into rage, threw objects, screamed, cursed (the girl’s cursing could put a dock worker to shame), and eventually twisted everything to her favor.

It’s been a month now and April has rapidly turned into a delightful young lady. She is so different; the extreme change would be hard to imagine a few short weeks ago. I must confess; I am starting to enjoy being around my new owner.

The secret is out! I have been wondering why April has been taking so many lengthy rides during the nighttime hours. It appears that all those disgusting human traits have been forced out of her. What a refreshing and enjoyable change.

My little April has turned into…a vampire!


Word count: 852