Inside Out

5:55 pm the alarm clock on my night stand read. Darren would be knocking at the door any minute, and I would be breaking his heart. Things between us had not been good for several months but there was something that kept us together. If I am going to be honest, that thing keeping us together is his cock, it’s magnificent. Unfortunately my soon to be ex-boyfriend only thinks with that part of his body and has had sex with one too many tricks. After the last one gave both of us crabs, I decided it was time to say goodbye to him.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror. My short, dark brown hair is brushed forward, with the bangs flipped at the top. My emerald eyes are brought out by the cute, dark green shirt that I found at Target the other day. The image in the mirror shows someone who is attractive and confident, only one of those makes sense to me right now.

Truthfully, even though I am sick of the other men, there is something about Darren that I just cannot fight. It’s more than lust or at least that’s what I’m trying to convince myself of, at my age there should be real feelings involved right? No rationale 31 year old keeps a relationship going just because of hormones that would be ridiculous.

Knock, Knock, Knock. I know who was at the door, though it is odd that he is knocking. Normally he just walks in and finds me. It is now or never, I tell myself, I have to dump him or accept everything as it is. Accept the fact that he would never be faithful to me, but would expect me to only be with him. Where he gets that logic I will never know, since he refuses to talk about or introduce me to his parents.

I open the door, and there he stand. Darren is sex personified, at six feet he is the perfect height, his t-shirt hugs the toned body that it is supposed to hide, showing off his well-defined muscles and dimpled where his engorged nipples are. I can already feel myself becoming aroused, if I don’t get this over with soon I will end up in bed with him again and this travesty of a relationship will not end.

“You wanted to see me,” A small sexy grin forms at his lips. His blue eyes sparkle with the knowledge that they can see anyone they want naked. I watch as he tousles his dirty blond hair with his large, masculine hands. As he does this, his shirt rides up his flat stomach offering a peek at the happy trail, the heat of desire rises in my body. “I know I was thinking about you. I had to rush some frat boy out of the house so I could see you, the man that I love.”

That makes it easier to say what I need to say to him. I am having a hard time finding the words tp start the conversation, so I rely on an old cliché. “We need to talk.”

“Why does this sound like you’re about to break up with me? You can’t break up with me, I love you. I have never loved anyone in my life besides you,” He gazes into my eyes. There are tears forming in his, and a knot in my stomach. “Let me guess the next thing out of your mouth is going to be that it’s not me, it’s you.”

“No actually it is you. I can’t, no I won’t deal with you sleeping with all of these other men. I have had to be treated for syphilis, gonorrhea, and on top of that, having to be tested for AIDS every other week is not my idea of fun. I just can’t deal with it anymore,” Taking a deep breath; I look at his handsome face only to discover that it was red from the tears that are falling from his eyes. “I might be able to deal with you sleeping with other guys if you used condoms-“

He cut me off. His normally confident, deep voice is small and squeaky. “You know that I can’t wear condoms. I’m allergic to latex; you know that, we talked about that. You also knew when I asked you to be my boyfriend that I would never be faithful, that’s why we have an open relationship.”

“An open relationship implies that both parties get to have sex outside of the relationship, both people get to be with other partners. That’s not the case with us! When I tried to pick up another guy, you threw a shit fit because you didn’t want me to be with anyone else. You cannot have it both ways, you don’t get to sleep around and have your fun, while I twiddle my thumbs at home wondering when you are going to come home to me.”

He puts his hands over his face, and moved to the couch. He says nothing, just lets out a few sobs. I am starting to feel like an ass for the things I am saying, sure they were true but maybe there is a better way for me to word them. I sit on the couch next to him; he looks at me with a mix of anger and sadness. “Why sit next to me when you hate me so much. I am not a perfect person but I never thought someone I love so much could hate me with the same amount of passion. No matter what you say, I will always love you.”

He grabs my shoulders and pulls me towards him. I wrap my arms around him, praying to God that I find the right words for me to make him understand my position. His soft lips brush against my cheeks, a surge of lust flows through me. His lips move to the side of mine, kissing them slowly, working his way to my mouth. Soon he is on top of me, his arms around me, my hands move to his tight, firm ass. His tongue invades my mouth, as he lifts my shirt just enough to expose my chest.

While Darren works out all the time, I am more likely to be eating a carton of chocolate ice cream and then walking it off. I feel ashamed that while I am not heavy, I do not have the same type of body that he has. We pull away from the kiss, only to discard our shirts. As if they are magnets, our lips meet again creating a tight seal. His tongue once again finds its way inside of my mouth, wrestles my tongue. His hands move up my stomach, small by most people’s standards, to my pecs. Once he reaches them, he grabs and twists them. As if he senses what I am thinking he rolls the pink nubs that top my chest.

My legs wrap around him as he continues to play with my nipples. I am losing my breath as he continues to tease me, he knows what I want but he is trying to torture me right now. He brushes his lips against mine again, and then kisses my chin. He softly breathes on my neck, one of the things that always drive me wild with desire. I feel his tongue pressing on the side of my neck; I grab his hair and give it a slight tug. I feel his lips form a smile as he kisses his way down to my upper body, his tongue flicks over my the pink, rubbery skin that is already erect.

Left, right, left, right he continues to tease and taunt my nipples, using his tongue to sweep over them. I am in a state of ecstasy and cannot speak. Finally he has had enough and gently bites down on the right peak, causing me to force my body onto his. He repeats this with the left and looks up at me, a Cheshire grin on his handsome face.

He stands up and discards his pants, and he pulls my head towards his hard cock. It stands seven inches from his body but like the rest of him, it is perfect. I take the mushroom head into my mouth, a faintly acidic taste fills my mouth. I have no time to think about it because he begins to thrust into and out of my mouth, getting closer and closer to the back of my throat with each shove in. He repays my hair pulling by doing the same to me as I work his member, taking him in as deep as I can then resisting his attempts to get back in as deep.

When I taste pre-cum, I take him out of my mouth. I lick down the shaft and gently tease his balls, pay back for his nipple stunt. When I feel he has been sufficiently tortured I take a ball into my mouth with some gently sucking. I do the same thing with the other ball, earning a moan from him and a soft “I love you.”

This was not part of the plan. We were supposed to break up and yet here I am having sex with him, it was just one last time, I am strong enough to stick to my convictions I assure myself. He picks me up and holds me in his arms, bringing his face closer to me and once again our tongues are intertwined. Any other thoughts fly right out of my head, what is happening right here and now is all that matters.

Without warning he turns me around and tosses me onto the couch. Before I have a chance to protest, his tongue is making its way around my ass, first on the cheeks and then in my crack.Finally, his thick mouth muscle finds it's into my hole, causing me to clench my butt cheeks together. He spreads them apart and keeps wetting the area; he is apparently allergic to silicone also and only uses spit as lube.

A finger enters my tightness, and for a second a stinging sensation swells in my body but is gone before I can complain. I take a deep breath as two of his long digits invade my hole; he wiggles them around trying to loosen the spot where his cock will soon invade.

As if he is reading my mind, he pushes me flat on my stomach, and climbs on top of me. He spreads my legs and shoves his manhood into me. I cringe for a second as my body adjusts to his penetration; he lies on top of me doing nothing. I bump my butt against pelvis, and he begins the assault on my ass.

It feels like he withdraws about a half an inch and pushes in an inch, as he finds his rhythm, after just a few minutes of this, his body is slick with sweat and my own cock is about release a steady stream of cum. When he takes a rest, I use the opportunity to change positions with him. Now he is laying flat on his back, while I straddle him, his cock easily slides into my cavity this time and I use my legs to control the rhythm of our love making. He likes to be a piston while I enjoy a more relaxed screw

After just a few minutes, my balls constrict and cum flows out of the head, splattering across Darren’s chest. Once my cum is out of my body and across his, he puts some on his fingers and licks it. He moves his tongue across his lips and smiles. Taking control again, he places his hands on my hips and drills into me, until he releases his load into me. After he completes his orgasm, I fall into his arms for a second.

He wraps his arms around me and kisses my forehead. “See that solved everything. All we needed was a good romp.”

Unbelievable, of course he would think that sex would change my mind, that all he had to do to get me to change my mind was fuck me. “That didn’t change anything. I still do not want to be with you. I care for you and wish that things were different but I cannot afford to put my health at risk.” I move his arms, and get up to go get him a cloth to clean himself with. I trip across his jeans and a small blue box falls out of them. “What is this?”

Red crosses his cheeks; he scratches his head and stays quiet. His eyes stay focused on me, finally after I raise my eyebrows at him he answers. “I was going to ask you to marry me, Jeff. I love you more than life itself. I would do anything for you but you are so determined to not be with me that I don’t think anything matters anymore.”

“Darren it’s not that I want to live my life without you, but you don't make it easy on me to be with you. You want your cake and to be able to eat it too, and that’s just not how life works.” He gave me that damn sexy smile that he always gives when he is about to make a joke to ease the tension.

“See I don’t understand that. If I got cake, why wouldn’t I eat it? I mean people don’t buy cake to just look at, cake is not art,” He grabs his shirt and wipes off the sticky substance that I had released on him. He tosses the shirt at me, presumably for me to throw in the washer. “But all jokes aside, I get what you are saying. I never in my life had anyone to care about; all of my boyfriends were lucky to get to be with me and just accepted that I would do whatever I wanted to do. You’re different though,and if I was hurting you, I wish you would have just told me so that I could figure out how to make it right.”

His words are tearing through me. Was I being unfair to him? He made a good point about me never actually expressing my unhappiness about him being the only allowed to sleep around but I had mentioned more than once about the STDs. “Maybe I’m not completely blameless here but how many times have I complained about having to go to the clinic because one of your tricks had given you some disease?”

He draws in a big breath and looks away from me. Something propels me to sit down; I toss his shirt to my feet as I wait for him to tell me what it is that he wants to say. “The truth is, I have only slept with one other guy that wasn’t you since we got together. That I wasn’t paid to sleep with. Before you say anything, I am not a hooker, prostitute or any of those other charming words. For the last year and a half I have been doing porn to earn enough money to buy you that ring and to make sure that when you said yes, I could give you the wedding of your dreams.”

Happiness and pain hit my heart. For so long I had assumed that he was prowling around town for his own depraved pleasure but the entire time he had been thinking about me, and attempting to do something sweet. Tears wet the corners of my eyes, and I make my way over to him. “I am so sorry for the things I said to you, for the way I treated you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and that you still want to be with me.”

“That guy that I kicked out earlier was for a movie that I am filming. When you told me that you wanted to talk to me, I cleared everyone out,” He got down on his knee, and looked up at me, his blue eyes shining yet again. “Of course I can forgive you. You are the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with, the man that I love and will always love, will you marry me?”

Without hesitation I give him my answer, “Yes of course I will! This has to be the happiest day of my life, so far.” We both smile, the meaning of course being that our wedding day will be the happiest day of our lives. He sits back on the couch beside me, and brings my face closer to his. Our lips touch and the whole saga of how we got to this place slips away from my mind. The blue box sits on the table until he grabs it and shows me the ring. It is white gold band with garnet on top, my birthstone, it was exactly what I had told him I used to dream about. “It’s beautiful. Thank you! Darren, I love you!”


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