Adjusting

“Mommy, Mommy!” The voice cried out desperately. Peter sat up in bed, panicking at the voice and suddenly recognizing it, relaxed into sadness. He went over to Sarah’s room like he did every night. He took her into his arms whispering softly, “Shh, daddy’s here now.” He stroked her hair as she sobbed into his shoulder. Just a month ago five year old Sarah had survived the car crash that had killed her mother. Peter knew it was unrealistic for him to expect that the nightmare of the car crash that Sarah had every night would ever go away. Sarah’s sobs quieted down and reduced to sniffles. After a few minutes her tired green eyes, holding wisdom beyond a five year old, looked up at her father. “She’s not ever coming back, right?” Peter felt her pain in addition to his own in his heart. “No, sweetie. She’s not.” He fought the impulse to cry. Sarah slipped back under her covers and closed her eyes. Peter stroked her brown hair until she fell asleep again. He walked back to his room and sat on the bed, his exhaustion replaced by grief. He looked at the clock on his night table. It was 4:30- time to talk to Lisa. Every night he would talk to her as if she could hear him in his mind. Hey honey. It’s me. I miss you. The kids are doing fine. They miss you too. Tomorrow Anna is coming. All she is going to do is help me out with the kids, I promise. She’s not going to replace you. She couldn’t even if she tried... I’m just doing it because I think your mom needs a break; I’m sending her on a vacation. I love you and I always will. Don’t worry; you will always be Sarah and Drew’s mommy. Thus went the nightly ritual.



Dealing with the pain of losing a child never gets easier. I’ve heard it dulls and eventually you can wake up every morning without feeling the anguish in your heart. But that’s not true. How could I ever forget that my Lisa, my beautiful Lisa is gone? I don’t cry anymore, I can’t bring myself to make little Sarah feel any worse. She’s wiser than her years and her mother’s death has made her grow up even more quickly. As for Drew, I cannot say. He’s a handsome young man, but so serious, so quiet. He never brings any friends home. Well, I can’t quite expect him to be social since Lisa died so recently. And that Peter… the nerve he has! He says he needs someone to help him raise the children. He says that it’s not fair that I have to work so hard and raise the children. Well, they’re my grandchildren and he wants to bring in a total stranger to raise them! Well whoever she is, she better be respectable. And if I don’t think she’s up to the task of raising my grandchildren, I swear I will fire her regardless of what Peter says.



I don’t know who the fuck she thinks she is. She asked to see my room two seconds after she met me. And normally I’d be like, whatever, but after I take her to my room, she’s all like, you better clean your room because it’s one of my new rules or some shit like that. So I just looked at her and didn’t answer. And then she went, excuse me, did you hear me? And I just stared at her. I have these green eyes that kinda freak people out when I stare at them. She figured out pretty quickly that I wasn’t going to take any of her crap and she wasn’t getting anywhere with me so she left. And the weirdest thing is that Sarah actually likes her. She follows her around like a puppy and asks Anna to play with her and stuff. I mean I guess Sarah needs a female role model or something but wasn’t grandma good enough? Sarah even asked Anna to brush her hair before she went to bed. Mom used to brush her hair at bedtime. After Mom died, Sarah brushed her own hair. Now it’s like Sarah wants Anna to replace Mom or something. Actually it`s more like Anna wants to replace Mom. She has all these stupid rules and she’s always trying to pack my lunch and fix my collar and stupid shit. I don’t give a crap about her rules, I can fix my own lunch, and my collar is fine the way it is. She can cut the crap and forget about her brilliant lines on how to be a mom, because guess what? I already have a mom and she’s dead. There’s no vacant position, and I definitely didn’t put up a help wanted ad. Dad only hired her to be a babysitter, not my mother.



Anna says she has a special surprise for me today when I get home from school. Maybe she’s making cookies. I told her yesterday that I liked oatmeal cookies best and Drew likes chocolate chip. I don’t know why Drew doesn’t like her. She’s so nice and really awesome. She always has time to play with me and draw pictures and she makes dinner every night. I don’t like that she makes me eat spinach, but she says it’s good for me and will make me strong. When Anna first came I was really scared because she looks like the lady in the fancy jewelry store across the street from us. Last year Drew and I went after school to buy a present for mommy. We went in and I was looking at all the princess necklaces trying to find the perfect one for mommy. He said I got to choose which one to get her. I found the perfect one that had a red heart. We were going to buy it but the mean lady started yelling at me for touching the glass. Drew made his “pissed off” face and covered my ears and said a bad word. So we left the store and went to a different one. Anna looked like that lady so I felt scared and I thought she might be the same lady. But then Anna smiled at me and I knew that she wasn’t the same lady because the other lady didn’t smile. Even though Anna is really nice she is really strict. She has lots of rules but they’re not that hard to follow. Drew doesn’t follow the rules, but Anna doesn’t get mad at him. She said he is having trouble adjusting. I can’t wait for Drew to pick me up so I can see my surprise.



The first things I feel are the warm fingers inside of me, moving my heart around. I then feel the needle on my arm, the stinging sensation not unbearable but still uncomfortable. As my ears are sewed on I begin to hear the voices, one young and one older, both female. The owner of the younger voice is Sarah, I believe, and the elder is Anna. The small, warm hand presses two buttons on my face. I presume they are to be my eyes. Once they are sewed on thoroughly I can see the brightly lit room and the two inhabitants. I immediately feel a sense of attraction towards the small girl with brown hair and bright green eyes. It must have been her fingers that put my heart in. The woman is older with a stern mouth and soft brown eyes. She is putting clothes on me. For that I am grateful, since the room is a bit cold for my taste. Once my pants are on, she begins to sew my nose and I can smell cookies baking. I hope the girl Sarah is considerate enough to give me a few crumbs. “Alright, Sarah. The bear is finished. What do you want to call it?”It? The bear? I am insulted. Sarah’s face lights up and picks me up and holds me tight to her. She puts all of her heart into that hug and I feel her sadness towards something I do not know yet. “Bradley” I whisper in her ear, as quietly as I can. I hope that Sarah is not yet too old to understand bear. “Bradley” Sarah repeats. “His name is Bradley.”