Confession Is Good For A Mother's Soul

I confess. I am a liar. It’s true.

As a mom I have lied for years about important things and really unimportant things too. We aren’t just talkin’ bout Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny here. No, no, no, it is bigger than that. I have learned from years of this mom gig that sometimes a little white lie or two saves a bunch of crying and screaming, so I have selfishly taken advantage of the ability to lie, and I do it well...all for good causes of course.

Like today, we went to eat breakfast. Leah wanted to wear a summer spaghetti strap top when its 50 degrees outside. I told her absolutely no. She does the “Pwease, pwease, pwease” scene and my day of lying began right there! And on Sunday!

I said, “Nunu how old are you?” She says, “Free”. I said, “I am really sorry baby but the restaurant doesn’t let kids who are under six wear summer shirts to eat on cold days.” In all fairness to her, I said I would double check.

I fake-called the restaurant and confirmed that it was in fact true…kids under six years years old have to wear long sleeve shirts to eat there on cold days. It worked! She says okay, and it was over. (May be forced to use that one again, if this weather keeps being crazy).

Then...we had to go to Wal-Mart. It was pouring down rain, and rather than get the kids out of the car, David was just gonna run in. Stina starts screaming, “I wanna go, I wanna go!”

Okay, when it rains and you are all bunched up in a car, every sound seems amplified; I don’t care how big your vehicle is. Quickly trying to get a handle on the situation, I did it again! I said, “What is your name?” She said, "Duh mom, it’s Christina!”

I say, “Right, right, right.” Then I asked David if it was Sunday. He said yes. I say (with total spontaneity and remorse in my voice (I’m sure), “I am so sorry baby girl but on Sundays, they don’t let any Christinas go to Wal-Mart.

She says, “Oh man!” But then, silence. She wasn’t upset or crying or anything. Just understood! I have done it for years, I just never thought of it as lying per se.

When they are old enough to appreciate my deceit, I will tell them the truth, but they are so little now, they couldn’t possibly understand. I feel bad - sort of, but sometimes the benefit outweighs the cost.

One time when Nub (my 15 year old, Emily) was about 6 or 7, I was ordering pizza on the phone. She heard me say pepperoni and and threw an absolutely unbelievable fit in the car because she wanted cheese pizza. What did I do? Apparently what is obviously natural to me!

It was December, so I called Santa Clause (aka her dad). She was mortified when she heard me telling Santa about the ordeal. I said, “Santa I know you see her when she is sleeping and you know when she is awake, I just wanted to say that she did not mean to throw such a fit!

Her eyes got huge! She starts saying, “Momma how could you do that! How could you tell Santa! You know what that song says momma!” Better not pout, better not cry! “Now Santa won’t come cause I was cryin’ over cheese pizza!”

Of course I defended my actions by telling her that I knew Santa saw what she had done and I called him to make sure he didn’t hold it against her. My precious baby actually thanked me…for my lie. Well sure there was some guilt on my part, but a thank you for saving her Christmas? WOW!

I also have a thumb sucker. Nunu is, and has been since the first ultrasound when I was pregnant. Mainly when she goes to sleep but her teeth can be affected and that’s not good. The dentist says this needs to stop. We have tried a lot of methods to no avail. What do I do? What else but seize an opportunity to tell a falsehood yet again!

There was some nasty little monster on a cartoon with green teeth. Nu asked why his teeth were green. Without even thinking at all, I said it’s because he sucks his thumb. Now, she runs to the bathroom every time I catch her suckin’ her thumb to check on the color of her teeth. Not suckin’ that ol’ thumb near as much these days!

Sadly, I have used this particular item to inspire brushing teeth too! I am not proud. I’m not. Trust me when I say that I feel bad (again…kind of) or I wouldn’t be puttin’ myself out there for your scrutiny. And just maybe yeah, ...a little forgiveness. But let’s face it - we have all done it.

Sometimes the the truth is just not accepted by our kiddos and the comfort and quiet of a little fib far outweighs the discomfort that generally follows the word no. No requires a lot of repetition sometimes, but a fabricated, absolute, indisputable answer just seems to stick!

Maybe it’s a family thing. My sister's son, who is now grown and a police officer, was lied to a lot. All because of McDonald’s. You couldn’t pass those golden arches that Johnny Lee didn’t know he was gettin’ him some french fries!

My sister (with my mom in the car no less) would tell that baby that they would stop on the way home from wherever they were headed. On the way home, she would show him something on the other side of the road to get his attention. Then after they passed it, if he asked about McDonalds, she would just tell him they must have moved Mickey D’s!

Honestly…she had to. Like lots of other kids, Lil’ Bub thought french fries should be for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Heck…I still do! Wish somebody would duck my head when I pass Mickey D’s.

My other sister, Tresa, used to tell my nephew, Topher, that Barney the Dinosaur lived at the babysitter’s house, so he could only watch Barney at the sitter’s. (Tresa hates Barney). She paid for it though, because the babysitter turned around and told Topher that Winnie The Pooh lived at his momma’s house...touché!

I don’t make the rules, obviously I just break ‘em.

Oh wait – I’m a mom, maybe I am supposed to make the rules.

Well dang, I’ll try to do better – I will. I don’t want my kids to lie. I was not raised to do it, However, I bet my mom may have told a few tiny white lies in her day with five kids tuggin’ at her all of the time. And I turned out okay. I think…or did I just lie to myself?