Mock Review Week 2

WHY I'M REVIEWING FOR YOU

Group/purpose: I am reviewing your work as a student of the Rockin'

Review Academy!
Title:n/a
Description:n/a


I LIKE
What and why: I havn't read a lot of fiction/fantasy type of

writing, however I am getting more familiar with this genre. The plot

is interesting because; this seems to be a community or clan of beings

who have a class system and some kind of means to move up with in the

class system.

Rhythm: The rhythm has a great amount of potential which can be fixed

by moving some words, sentence phrases, and some sentences around to

create a magical and exciting reading experience which reads very

smoothly.

You wove the story together with great imagination and personality.

The ending was something I could relate to and gave me reason to

smile.

I learned about you through your story. You have a good sense of humor

in the way you describe trying to not fall down on the way to the

platform.

SUGGESTIONS AND COMMENTS

You wrote: "Really, it was..."
I would delete really because it does not help convey your idea in the

sentence, or I would use a more descriptive word to convey physical

action or action of a thought.

Your story has a lot of life and interest so, it is well worth reading

many times. While you are reading it, consider your sentence

structure, grammar, and spelling. This story is beautiful and can be

made more beautiful by making these necessary changes. I will be glad

to help you with this if you want the help. Please ask and we can

work on this together.

I learned about you through your story.

CONCLUSION(S)
My thoughts and Impressions:
I believe this story has great potential to grow and be expanded if

you are interested in creating more similar stories. It reminds me of

a grown up fairy tail in some ways. It is to me a light hearted story

which can put a smile on my face as well as other readers. Let your

imagination have it's freedom and keep writing.


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