AS I WATCH YOU DIE

AS I WATCH YOU DIE
As I watch you die pain & regret infected my spirit
The animosity I felt at that moment had come to an end
But it never made me feel any better as I reflect on that moment
Those times you wanted to talk & I wasn’t tryin to hear it

We had a few issues but you were the one that gave me life
I pray that you not only understood but also felt my sorrow as I watch you die
Since you did have dementia did you even know why I was apologizing?
Regretting those times you reached out & I wasn’t willing to try

Being so caught up in bein angry with you that I was to blind to see
That no matter how much I messed up you were always there for me
Knowin you were about to leave I was hopin to get those years back
Cause I miss you so much & regret stops my soul from bein free

I know God has forgiven me but I just can’t seem to forgive myself
Wonderin why I allowed pride to keep me away for so long
As I watch you die guilt & anger built up in my soul
I pray you forgave me for treating you so so wrong

Wishing it wasn’t your time holding your hand as I watch you die
They say making amends before the end makes you feel better
But I can’t co-sign that cause it’s still heavy on my heart
Cause the only reason I was there was to say good bye

I know you’re in Heaven cause that’s where mothers like you go
Thank you for giving me life & for always having my back
I owe you so much & will never have a chance to repay that debt
Moms, I always loved you & wish God would give you back

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1-Aug-2010
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