i miss you forever

i miss the feel of you in my arms
the way we fit like the smooth curves
of a puzzle piece;
us fitting together like a jigsaw puzzle

i miss the way your eyes danced
along the silly pieces on my wall
did you still love me
among my doilies?

i miss the way you touched my back
as if you halved the pain i felt, to bear
did you realize
that your touch had made me sure?

did you realize that you had confirmed
my worst fears, my demons that rested not?
that you are the one
the one that i love, as such

you are the girl that taught me
what it meant to be a woman, to be strong
through that i cracked
and fell in love with one i shouldn't

teach me how to love men, to love boys
handsome and strong and right
my love for you
is still illegal, is still not right

i live for the day when my love for you
will not be frowned upon or shown the door
when the word gay
is me, and not an insult

i miss you and i will until the day that i die
and losing you has kept me alive
keeping me here to fight
to battle my demons that plague

today i am not gay
today i miss you
tomorrow i miss you
next week i miss you
forever i miss you
but today i am not gay