CHILD MARRIAGE AND VVF

“Stop playing out of my sight” Her mother admonished her.

          “I have told you several times not to go wondering into the bush with your half brother. Two of you could get lost or you could run into a wild animal. Try and stay where I can see you.”

          “Mother, we did not go far, we just went to pick some fruits. Here look at the fruits, I brought some for you.” Maryam replied.



            It had been a very hot day, one of those days when the sun really comes out blazing in Brinin Kebbi. Maryam, who had just turned five years two months, has been at the farm all day with her parents and the whole family. The hot environment they were working on that day had made work a bit difficult for them and each one of them looked a bit irritated.

          Maryam was born on the 6th day of August 1970, her parents were petty farmers. She is the fourth child of her mother. Her father is married to three wives and has sixteen children at the last count. Maryam’s mother was the last wife.

        Maryam started going to her father’s farm on her own at the age of five. She follows her mother to the farm and usually does nothing. She just plays around the farm as she was doing today. Maryam was taken to the farm because there was no one to leave her with at home. All her fathers’ wives and children go to the farm everyday. Her half sister that use to take care of her, right from the time she was born has married and gone to live with her husband. Therefore, her mother had decided to take her along each time she was going to the farm. They usually go to the farm after their breakfast. Then they will have lunch at the farm before returning home in the evening for dinner. This was the daily routine for the family, except on Muslim holidays. The whole family stays at home to observe such a holiday or festival. Her father was a devoted Muslim, even at the farm he makes sure the whole family takes part in the 2 o’clock and 4 o’clock daily Islamic prayers while the remaining three prayer time were observed at home. There was no farm work on Fridays as it is a day reserved for the Jumat prayers.



                ‘Thank you for the fruits’, her mother replied.

                ‘I hope you still have space in your stomach for lunch which we will shortly be coming up’.



               



                When Maryam turned six, she was assigned her own portion in the farm to work on. She was no longer free to play about at the farm although she still does with her half brother in disregard of her assignment. This situation continued until she turned eight years old. She stopped going to farm. This was as a result of her engagement to Mohammed. In her part of the country, once a girl is engaged to a man, the girl will stop going to her father’s farm. She stays at home to take good care of herself, so that she would be presented to her husband looking her very best.



            When Maryam became 8 years 5 months old, her father had a visitor one Friday evening after Jumat service. Mohammed’s father and his relatives paid them a visit. Mohammed is a twenty-four year old man. A farmer just like his father.

          ‘We are here today because my son Mohammed has found something valuable in your household.’ Mohammed’s father began, after all the formalities involved in welcoming visitors had been observed.

          ‘My son Mohammed has informed me that he is desirous of having your daughter Maryam as his wife. That is why we are here today. Please my friend accept our visit here today in good faith.’ Mohammed’s father concluded.

        ‘You are welcomed my venerable guest.’ Maryam father replied.             

          ‘It is a thing of joy for every father to give out his daughter in marriage. I have given out five already, so it is not a new thing to me. I accept your visit here today.’

        After much deliberation, the formal betrothal was concluded. Maryam was brought in to see her future husband. She was introduced to Mohammed by her father.

       

            On the next day, Mohammed came calling. He brought many gifts for Maryam and also for her parents as was the custom. The gifts included clothes and local jewelries. When Maryam was called to come and greet Mohammed she ran away.                              

          ‘Why is she running away from me’?

          ‘She is a shy girl. Don’t worry I will talk to her’. Maryam’s mother replied.

          Mohammed handed over the gifts he brought to Maryam’s mother and left.

   



        ‘Why are you running away from your future husband?’ Maryam’s mother asked later on.

        ‘I was ashamed to meet him.’   

        ‘Look at all the present he brought for you. He likes you; you don’t have to run away from him’.

        ‘Next time he visits, you should try and make sure that you are around to welcome him or you will miss all this gifts.’

   

     

            That evening her father called her mother and informed her to make an appointment to have Maryam circumcised.

          ‘Yes it is very important that she should be circumcised’. Her mother agreed.

        ‘You know even though she is engaged, we should still present her to her husband a virgin’.

        ‘Haba, I trust my daughter’.

        ‘I don’t doubt the chastity of Maryam, but all the same, we have done it to all my other daughters before they got married. So it is her turn now.’



        Maryam’s mother went and booked with a renowned circumcision expert in the town. A fairly old woman, who is well known throughout the town as the best. She was given an appointment in two weeks time and she was charged accordingly. In that part of the country, circumcision is usually performed on young girls before they enter their husband’s house. There are three types of female genital mutilation, namely;



TYPE 1 – In this type, there is an excision of the clitoral prepuce,             

                Stimulating male circumcision. It is known in Muslim world as 

                      The Sunnah circumcision.



TYPE 2 – This involves the excision of the prepuce, the removal of the

                        gland clitoris or the entire clitoris, with varying degrees of 

                      the adjacent parts of the labia minora. This is often referred to

                      simply as excision.



TYPE3 – This type is termed infibulations, also referred to as pharaonic

                      circumcision. It is the most drastic procedure and the one

                      resulting in the most serious adverse health effects. It involves

                      removal of the whole clitoris, the whole labia majora

                      The latter are then approximated with thorns, cactus or silk

                sutures (depending on the operator). This result in the 

                occlasion of the genitalia leaving only a small hole to allow

                the passage of urine and menstrual blood.



        Maryam was not informed by her mother of the impending circumcision. On the appointed day, the circumcision expert arrived Maryam’s house in company of two assistants. Maryam was called into her mother’s room, where she was informed by her mother that she is going to be circumcised. A low stool was brought and she was ordered to sit on it. Her two step mothers held her arms at her back, while the two assistants of the operator, forcefully held her thighs apart. Maryam’s mother held her tightly around her chest. The operator then proceeded with the operation. She brought out her instrument from her bag which she brought along with her. With her sharp pen knife, she excised her clitoris, she then proceeded with the infibulations. The whole of Maryam’s labia minora was removed by the operator with her knife by cutting from top to bottom of the labia minora. She then scrapped the flesh from the inside of the labia majora. This scraping is repeated on the other side of the vulva. When she finished with the scraping, she cleaned the wound for inspection, which was carried out by Maryam’s mother and her step mothers. Being satisfied with the work, the operator then applied a paste on the wound. The labia majora was then held together by means of thorns, about four of it. Which was pierced through one lip and passed through the other. After this, the operator then held the thorns in place by the means of sowing by a thread. Meanwhile, while the operation lasted, Maryam screamed and writhered in pain but she was held in place by the strong arms of five women. The operation lasted about 30 minutes due to the resistance put up by Maryam.

          After the circumcision, Maryam was confined to her mothers bed for almost three weeks for her wound to heal. Mohammed visited her every Friday and he brought many gifts for her including food stuffs, fresh meat and milk to help her in her recuperation.

          ‘I hope that operator you employed knows job very well’? Mohammed asked Maryam’s mother one day.

        ‘ Yes she is the best. I engaged Hajia Dogonyaro to carry out the operation’.

        ‘Hajia Dogonyaro is the best in town. I am just worried at her rate of recovery’.

          ‘She will be alright, her mother replied, there is no need to worry yourself’.

        ‘Am anxious for her to recover quickly because I want to go on with the marriage this year’.

        ‘No problems just go ahead with the preparation’.

        ‘It is a hereditary trend; our wounds heal very slowly in this family. So don’t worry ‘.



          When Maryam’s wound has healed considerably, she started moving about but was still not going to the farm. Mohammed started courtship with Maryam in earnest. His visits became more frequent; Maryam stopped running away from him anymore. This was as a result of Mohammed’s frequent visit to her while she was confined to her bed recuperating from her wounds. And on each visit, Mohammed presented to her such gifts like cloths, local jewelries, fruits and even delicious food. When Mohammed harvested his farm, he brought a lot of food items to Maryam’s father as custom demands.



          About six months after the betrothal, Mohammed’s father in company of Mohammed and some of his relatives paid Maryam’s father a visit.     

        ‘You know that my son Mohammed has been courting your daughter, Maryam for six months now. My son is greatly pleased with your daughter and would like to settle down with her. Mohammed is a young man and this will be his first marriage. He has found a priceless jewel in your daughter. He cannot wait too long any more to claim her. That is why we are here today, to put heads together and agree on a date for the Nikai (i.e. marriage). My future in law please accept our visit’. Mohammed’s father said.

          ‘I am very pleased about your visit here today. It gladdens my heart and I approve very much. This intending union between my daughter and your son. I know that my daughter will be well taken care of by Mohammed. The ball is now in your court. Any time you are ready for the Nikah, I am also ready. I welcome you once again’. Maryam’s father replied.

         

          After much deliberation, the marriage was fixed for a date in two months time. Maryam’s mother informed her of the date of the marriage.

          ‘Am I going to live with him after the marriage or will I still be staying here’? She asked.

          ‘My dear, you will not be staying with us any longer after the marriage’.

          ‘That means I will soon be a mother like you’.

          ‘Yes, by the grace of Almighty Allah. But try to be a good girl in your husband’s house and try to be an obedient wife and not a rebellious one. You know the type of family you came from, try not to disgrace your family, when you get to your husband’s house. Look at all your senior sisters that are married, none of them has been sent back to us by their husbands. All we have been receiving about them is good report. Try to emulate them so that all we will receive about you will be good report. You can see that your father’s house is already congested. So there will be no space for you here, if you misbehave and you are sent parking by your husband’.



            Maryam did not know how to take her impending marriage. Many times she had played the role of wife and mother with her playmates. Then she loved playing mother because she could boss her age mates around. Now that it is no longer a child’s play but a reality, she just didn’t know if she felt, elated or afraid. Mohammed had really warmed himself to her by the various gift items he had presented to her during his visits. And also by the way he had pampered her. She has decided to take whatever comes along with this marriage. Besides, she trusted her parents and know that marriage couldn’t be so bad at her age if her parents approved of it. Anyway, she really has no choice or say in this matter. She has to obey her parents. She remembered, how her half brother uses to tease her about this marriage and about getting pregnant. She always weeps whenever her half brother is tormenting her with it. Consequently, she puts in extra effort not to be in his bad books. Infact she can no longer refuse him anything and most of the food items brought by Mohammed were eaten by her half brother. 



          On the eve of her marriage, her father called her and sat her down.

        ‘You know I have given out five daughters out in marriage’. Her father began.

          ‘You are going to be the sixth. None of my daughters have returned to me as of today. Try and be an obedient wife, always obey your husband in whatever he says. I brought you up as a faithful Islamic woman and you shall always strive to live like a pious Islamic wife. The word of your husband on any matter whatsoever is final. Do not disobey your husband, submit yourself totally to him. Do you know why am saying all these’?

          ‘No baba’.

          ‘Because I do not have a space in my house for a rebellious wife. If you misbehave and your husband sends you packing do not come here because I will not accept you’.

        ‘Baba, mother has told me all these before, and I promise that I will not disobey my husband’.

        ‘Well I just thought it expedient to tell you myself because I don’t want any daughter of mine to disgrace me in front of my in laws’. Her father concluded.







        Maryam was nine years and two months old when she married Mohammed. Mohammed arrived on the day fixed for the marriage celebration, with his family members, friends and well wishers. The Nikah was dully celebrated and Mohammed took his young bride home. Mohammed had his own building within his father’s compound. A mud house, roofed with thatched straws. There is only a single room in this mud house. Maryam started living in this single hut with Mohammed as his wife. She became the one responsible for most of the domestic chores in the compound which also housed Mohammed’s parents and his siblings. Mohammed tried to consummate their marriage in the first week, but could not be able to penetrate.



          Maryam was asleep one night when she felt something touching her private parts. She awoke and saw that it was Mohammed’s hand that was at work.

          ‘What are you doing’?

          ‘This is what husband and wife do. Or do you think I married you for nothing’?

          Maryam obeyed him. Mohammed continued to work on her private parts with his hand. There was no breast to fondle. After some minutes he removed her clothes and also removed his. A scream escaped Maryam’s mouth. Mohammed was not circumcised and as such his penis was longer than the average one.

        ‘Do not make noise and wake up the whole neighbourhood’, Mohammed spat.

        Maryam remained quiet, while Mohammed proceeded with his intention. However tried as he could, he could not penetrate. He brought a lubricating cream, which he applied liberally on his penis and on Maryam’s vagina. Yet, he couldn’t still penetrate. Mohammed abandoned the sexual intercourse in total frustration. He sought the advice of his father the next day.

          ‘ Haba Baba, I wasn’t able to deflower my virgin bride. I am really ashamed of myself’.

        ‘It is not something to be ashamed of. Maybe you didn’t try hard enough’.

        ‘I tried all my best; I even used a lubricating cream. But the thing refused to go in. maybe she is too young and not matured enough for sex.

        ‘Don’t say such a thing. Do you know the age I married your mother? Anyway, if you are sure that you tried hard enough to deflower her and you couldn’t penetrate. Then there is only one thing left to be done’. His father replied.

        ‘Please father tell me, what is it’?

        ‘Yankan gishiri has to be performed on her before you can be able to deflower her’.

        ‘I will inform your mother to make the necessary arrangement’. His father continued.

       



          Mohammed’s mother went and booked for the gishiri cut to be administered to Maryam. This cut is different from circumcision, because it is a cut made on the wall of the vagina to allow penetration during sexual intercourse. It is also performed during pregnancy for the passage of the baby.

          Maryam was not informed this second time around. The gishiri expert arrived her matrimonial home on the appointed day. Maryam was held down by her mother in law and some other women. The gishiri expert went ahead to perform the cut. As usual Maryam’s wound did not heal quickly. So Mohammed had to wait a little bit longer before he can deflower his bride. After the wound healed, Mohammed was able to penetrate and he started having sexual intercourse with his nine years old wife.



       



            One afternoon, while Maryam was playing with some girls in her compound, she noticed that blood was coming out of her private parts. She rushed to see her step mother in law whom she had drawn closer to.

          ‘It means that you are now a matured girl, so do not be alarmed’. She assured her.

          ‘How do I stop it’?

          ‘You can’t stop it , when it is the appointed time it will stop by itself. Let’s say from the third day to the fifth day of its occurrence’. She lectured her.

          ‘But I can’t move about with this stain’?

          ‘Yes, you have to find a pad to fix to check the flow, so that it won’t stain your pants’.

          ‘The only thing is that if your husband sleeps with you now you will become pregnant’.

        ‘That is a lie, he has been sleeping with me since I married him and I have not gotten pregnant. I don’t think I will ever become pregnant’. She answered in all innocence.

        ‘Well, let’s wait and see’.

        Maryam was twelve years old when she started menstruating. Her husband continued with the sexual intercourse. At about six months after her firs menstrual period, her step mother in law called her one morning to inform her that she was pregnant.

        ‘Did I not tell you that you will soon be pregnant. Well I think it has happened’.

        ‘How did you know’?

        ‘It’s all there in your body’.

        ‘You will have to inform your mother in law’. She advised.

   

        Maryam informed her mother in law, who took her to a birth attendant. The birth attendant confirmed that Maryam was indeed pregnant. Mohammed was happy that finally his wife was going to have a baby. He was thrilled at the prospect of becoming a father. Even his parents were ecstatic that they are going to have their first grand child. From that moment, Maryam was pampered and all the domestic chores she was engaged in were relieved from her. Her husband became more caring and loving. The gifts that stopped coming immediately after marriage started coming again. Maryam felt good and on top of the world. Because of all the attention she was getting from her husband and her in laws. Her young mind informed her that being pregnant wasn’t as horrible as she had thought it would be. Now, she was looking forward to becoming a mother with great enthusiasm. On the day her pregnancy was confirmed she took an excuse from her husband to visit her mother.

          ‘Mother, am going to become a mother soon. I am pregnant’. Maryam informed her mother.

        ‘Allah be praised’.

        ‘Mother will you come and help me out when the baby arrives’? Maryam asked.

        ‘Of course. I will, you can count on it. I can never abandon you with a child who I believe you don’t even know how to take adequate care of’.

   

          Maryam’s stomach continued to enlarge as her pregnancy progressed. She was not registered in any maternal hospital or clinic. As such she did not attend any ante natal clinic before delivery.

          When Maryam started having labour pain, she was not rushed to any hospital or clinic. Instead a birth attendant was called to attend to her at home. She was unable to deliver. The birth attendant applied all the native herbs he knew of. Yet, Maryam’s young and immature pelvis could not deliver the baby. On the third day, since she started having labour pain. The birth attendant called Maryam’s mother in law, and informed her that a gishiri cut has to be administered before Maryam can deliver. The gishiri expert was brought over and once more Maryam’s vaginal walls were sliced open. At last she delivered a dead baby. That was when her problem started.

       



            Maryam was unable to move her legs, she couldn’t get up from the bed where she delivered. At this point her mother was informed and she came around to take care of her daughter. She had started leaking urine and faeces.

            Maryam’s mother called Mohammed’s mother and informed her.

          ‘We have to secure the services of a native doctor. I alone cannot be able to cope anymore’.

        ‘Yes, I agree with you she does not look better as the day passes by’. Mohammed’s mother concurred.

        ‘I am really distressed, all my other step daughters who are married delivered their babies safely without any complication. I don’t know why this is happening to my own daughter’.

        ‘Do not be distressed, everything will be alright; let’s just contact a native doctor first. You will see that in her next pregnancy, she will deliver safely’.

          A native doctor was consulted who came and started treating Maryam. He prepared many herbs and concoction which he administered to Maryam, but the leaking continued. Urine and faeces continually leaked from her vagina. At first, everybody thought it was as a result of her inability to get out of the bed. Eventually, the native doctor as he claimed was able to make her walk again. Now she could get out of her bed, but the leaking persisted.

          ‘What is wrong with you, can’t you control yourself’? Her mother asked her

        ‘Mother I tried all I could but this leaking just won’t stop’. Maryam replied.

        ‘Foul smell everywhere, somebody cannot even stay in this room for five seconds because of the smell. This is all I have to bear because I have a daughter. All your other half sisters that got married are all doing fine. None of them is having this problem; I wonder why your own case is different’.

        Maryam started crying, her mother didn’t even bother to console her. Maryam just didn’t know how to take this her present predicament. She still hoped that she will wake up one morning, and the leaking had stopped just like a bad dream. She thought she was on top of the world when she got pregnant. Everything then was good, she was receiving attention from everybody and she just felt wonderful. Now she can’t explain why everything had gone wrong. Her husband does not sleep in the same room anymore with her. Infact, whenever he visited her, she could not help but notice the concealed disgust written all over his face. Since her problem started, her husband had not spent up to five seconds with her.

      Meanwhile, Mohammed himself was complaining bitterly to his father.

    ‘ Father, I can’t understand what is happening to my wife. It is completely above me’.

    ‘Have you consulted a native doctor’?

    ‘Yes’.

    ‘Is he good enough’?

    ‘Yes, he came highly recommended’.

    ‘Have you asked him about the leaking’?

    ‘Yes I have, but he said that I should give him more time to try some new herbs’.

    ‘But I can’t bear it anymore, I can’t even sleep in the same room anymore with her’.

    ‘Well, you still have to be patient my son, if that traditional healer is unable to cure her then I will take you to another who is a specialist in that field’.     

     



    Maryam’s parents spearheaded by her mother consulted one spiritualist after another. For special prayers for this strange illness that have befallen their daughter. She was taken from one spiritualist to another, from one herbalist to another. Even the one Mohammed’s father claimed was a specialist. They all failed to cure her.

    ‘Baba’, Maryam’s mother called her husband.

    ‘Yes’.

    ‘What are we going to do about Maryam’?

    ‘What do you mean by that question? Haven’t we done all we could to help’.

    ‘No, that is not what I meant’, she replied.

    ‘My worries lie on the fact that Maryam’s husband might divorce her’.

    ‘What do you expect us to do; she will come back to us so that you will continue cleaning urine and faeces until either of you passes on’. Her husband replied.

    ‘But, the husband does not have the right to dump her’.

    ‘Oh yes, he does. According to the provision of Islamic law, once a defect is detected on a wife by her husband, especially such defect like this one. He has every right to divorce her’.



    With no cure in sight, despite the huge sums of money both families have spent on her treatment. Mohammed divorced her according to Islamic law provisions. Maryam returned home to her parents house. She was assigned to a make shift above which previously use to house goats and other domestic animals. Initially she was getting some attention and care from her mother but after some months she was totally abandoned. Due to the fact that the whole family goes to the farm everyday and takes their lunch at the farm also. Maryam was left at home all alone and she only takes a light breakfast. Then she will have to wait till night when the family returns from farm to have another meal. This continued for several months until Maryam got fed up and packed her bag of rags and left.

    She went out to the streets of Brinin Kebbi and started begging for alms. She became a destitute, homeless, with no cure in sight for her ailment. The streets of Brinin Kebbi became her home where she now sleeps. No man ever looked at her again with any longing for love. So she sits on the streets come rain or shine, everyday, begging for alms from passers bye. That was how the life of Maryam was totally ruined by harmful traditional practices. All the once beautiful features in her is now masked by an unwashed cake of dirt all over her body. The trauma she has encountered in life coupled with the strain of begging for a living has made her to look like an old hag. No one will believe her age when told.



    Meanwhile, Mohammed is now married to three wives. Infact, a week after he divorced Maryam, he married another wife. And some years latter he added the second and third wives. He has totally forgotten about Maryam and he still believe up till this moment, that Maryam has a bad spirit which was responsible for her predicament. He does not in any way attribute Maryam’s ailment to his fault. He vehemently believes that there was nothing done by him that was not done by any other husband to his young wife in their part of the world. He will go on to reel off names of under-aged girls, who married at the same age or even lesser ages than Maryam. Who also had gishiri cut administered to them, but did not have any complication during child birth.

    Maryam’s parents also share the view that she is being troubled by some evil spirit which was responsible for her predicament. They believed that the mutilation of her genital part has nothing to do with her present ailment. They will recount that they have done the same thing to all their daughters that the have given out in marriage. And that none of them had any health issue excerpt Maryam. They also remembered the verdict of the various spiritualists and herbalists that they consulted. All said she had an evil spirit.

    Maryam is confined to a life of destitution for the rest of her life. She will never have a roof over her head, which she can call her home. She will never have a shoulder to rest on whom she can call her husband or even boyfriend. Neither will she ever carry a baby in her arms whom she can call her own. This goring picture has been made her own portion in life by fellow human being and not by an evil spirit as they claimed.