Edith McCall

The tale of Edith McCall


Here is the tale of Edith McCall
A tale I am sure to enthral ye all
Set in 1950’s Perth
In Scotland, for what it’s worth

Now Edith was a well known lass,
Slow in the heed and thick in the ass
Roamin Glasga pubs at night
Causing havoc, wrong or right

It was in the Swan that I caught sight of her,
On that fatal night of yore
Drinking heavily from the bottle
Looking fer a customer or two to throttle

She espied me and my wife from the public bar
But we hot footed it to our car
We sped away, up the street damn quick
To avoid Edith’s flailing stick
For I had been there afore
Premonitions of a third World War

But Edith, she was smarter still
Next day, sober, she was up the hill
To the polis, to ma boss
Complaining of a bitter loss
How me, Sergeant McTavish, meant her ill
And harassed her upon Glasga Hill

Now ma boss some would say a fool
Freshly up from Liverpool
Took her part against a colleague
Some say from foolhardiness, others, fatigue
He had a full enquiry launched
No stone unturned or gossip staunched

Unfortunately, when nought was found
By professional courtesy he was bound
To go and see young Edith quick
To explain that her little trick
Had not been the perpetration of a crime
And that she was just ‘wasting police time’

Well Edith, not to be outdone
Decided it would be good fun
To set about my boss damn quick
With that feared accursed stick
In fact she just could not wait
To lay it across his bald pate

So up to casualty my boss did blunder
With blood on the heed and a face like thunder
To have his poor heed stitched back together
With cat gut and a needle, whether
it needed it or not, who can tell
But he was discharged fine and well

Or so he thought but you see
He had gone too far in doubting me
And so to his colleagues without exception
He was overdue correction
And so you know it came to pass
He was kicked out on his bottom
To return to Liverpool once more
From whence he came, both gone and forgotten

So the moral of this short tale
As you can see, fine and well
Is to keep your colleagues in good esteem
Not doubt them or make them seem
Less than they are or should be
And I know, ‘cause it happened to me.