My Life is Grey

Some people would think it exciting to not know how each day is going to pan out.  Whether you will actually get out of the house or not.  To not have to get up at a certain time, to not have to be in bed for any reason.  To have so much time on your hands.  To have a space to do what you like.  This sounds like some people’s dream come true.  But not me.  To me, it is a curse.  Boredom enshrouds me, it suffocates me, slowly and painfully.  Drawing the last of my breath and draining the life out of my eyes.  My skin tinged with blue.  I am dying here.  I need to find it, something, somewhere.  I need to get out.  Before it claims me.  I am not going to be one of them.  I am going to make something of my life.  I am not going to be tarred with the same brush as all the others…but I guess that requires some fight.  I just don’t think I have it in me in anymore.  It has been 8 months, and nothing.  No one will take me.  I am inexperienced, over qualified, not as strong as others, too strong for some…what is wrong with me?

My life is grey.