Things I gathered...

When I see myself brought into an intelligent conversation, I freeze. I shut down as if I have nothing to say or add. This is one of the things I don’t like about myself. I think it’s because I’m scared of how I might be judged or how my opinion might be invalid. It’s not that I can’t hold an intelligent conversation with someone, it’s just that I haven’t practiced it and it seems that allowing yourself to practice it is the hardest step to take. Allowing yourself to open your mind and let people in, allowing yourself to be exposed so others can better understand you and your thoughts on certain things. Reading this now, I’m not sure I’m doing a great job of explaining what I mean so I will try my best. A couple of nights ago a few friends and I went to the lake. The scenery could not have been any more perfect. As the night got colder and darker, I went and sat at the end of the dock and dipped my feet in the water. The stars were crazy beautiful and so were the shadows of the trees reflecting off the water. I was so wrapped up in nature’s beauty that I stayed out there for about four hours, maybe more than that. And then I started to think… contemplate things in my life that I’ve been uncertain of. Who am I? I tried taking my mind off of this topic but everything that I was thinking kept leading me back to this question. Who am I? Honestly, I find this to be one of the scariest things in life. Not knowing who you are? What you stand for? What your purpose is in life? It shakes me to my core. And finally, I realized, I am a simple person. People get wrapped up in thinking about things way to hard, they make things way more difficult than they need to be and stress themselves out. Not saying I don’t do this. Totally guilty. But I am a lady of simple wants and that makes me more satisfied in life. The term less is more, really does go hand in hand in my life. I feel this is what makes me different from a lot of people because I am rare in the fact that I keep things simple, and am able to help people realize to not get so caught up in the world. I’m confident in this and I don’t mean to sound self-righteous at all. That’s not what I’m trying to explain here. Also, I am someone that sees the good in everyone and in every bad situation. Sitting on the dock, I had an awakening moment, more of a reality just hit hard kind of moment. Because I see the good in everyone, I can be naïve at times and right then, it hit me. There are bad things in this world and not everyone is going to have your best interest at heart, you have to trust people but in a way that’s not so naïve. So sitting there, I was coming to terms with how blind I can be and how I use this as a crutch to hide from reality when things are going sour. As soon as I realized this, I felt like I grew wiser and stronger. And as all of this was going on, midnight struck and it was my birthday, I turned 21. It was the perfect coming of age thing to do and I will forever remember that moment.