A true love story

I am 42 years old and was never married.  I have been engaged, almost engaged and I have been jilted. Of all the near misses and happenings, being jilted was the worst but somehow it made me become a better person. Let me share it with you.

His name shall be Jared (I love this name). We met 18 almost 19 years ago.  I was a bible school student and he was a member of another branch of church.  I was sitting on the bench in the church when he approached me and asked if I attended the Bible School.  I was studying for exams and was a bit irritated that he chose at that moment to set awry my neatly arranged papers for last minute studying (I love doing that too).  So we talked and he said that he had wanted to start that year but due to an accident, in which he broke his leg, he would attend the following year.  After this meeting I never thought about him again.

The second meeting occurred when I was working as Assistant Tutor at the evening class and also helped in the Craft section during the days. My eyes just fell on him and it was as if some connection was made. I felt happy. Finally someone who was interested me for me and not what they thought they could get from me.  We talked and then the other members in the church discovered that we liked each other.

His side of the story was that he was told by the Pastor (my Pastor) that to be in a relationship with me would damage his ministry and therefore he should look elsewhere.  This was told to me when we met last year 2010. It did not bother me because I knew that the members had it to say that I was "loose" - you know what I mean - promiscuous.  The truth is I wasnt. I just loved men's company and to date I still do, cant change.  I thought that true love would over rule everything but I was to be proved wrong, very wrong indeed.

We began to meet in private. Just a little glance, a little touch and a smile but love could not hide for long.  Prior to this though, I was raped by a younger church brother and I was ostracised by the Pastor and other members of the church because of it. Only two members which are my good friends to date, believed in my innocence and of course the young man who forced himself on me. I am not ashamed of what happened it was just a part of life.  This was the stigma that was held over my head.  The young man tried to rape me two times before and I was able to escape but it was not to be on that night.

Anyway back to the story. Our love grew stronger with each day and I diceded to make a crochet set for him for his birthday.  I asked my little spy, Shirleen, to enquire about his favourite colours and I started the task.  He saw me and said that he hoped it was for him I smiled and said yes but he never believed me.  When his birthday came, I stole into the boys' dormitory and placed it on his bed.  As I was leaving the room we met at the door and he wanted to know why was I in the room. I ran for my life.  You see, I was not supposed to be in the boy's room.  Can you imagine what would have happenned if I was caught by someone else?

The story came up again that I was unfit to be his partner, his mate and he was fed with the rape issue but from the point that I raped the young man.  It was okay with me and he chose to stay away from me and I did the same.  I no longer looked at him but ignored him totally. When I was leading the song service I could feel his eyes on me but I ignored him all the way through.

He then chose another young lady who was more holy and sanctified than I was.  One day she saw me standing at the door. She said "I know it is God's will".  I put this to you my reader, how should I who was struggling with my relationship with God be able to deal with this? I did the best thing I knew how to do and ran.  Remember I loved this guy greatly and here was the lady saying it was God's will for them to marry so I disappeared.

I went to Ocho Rios and got a job as a Secretary. I had begun to alienate myself from those people and began attending another church.  He found me and begged me to tell him that I still loved him and he would not go through with the wedding.  I told him that it was his life and his decision, it had nothing to do with me. He left.

Years went by but I thought of him still.  I wondered if he was happy and if she was treating him good.  I really loved this guy.

In 2008 I met one of my batch mates from Bible school and she told me that he was divorced. I was happy to hear this and gave her my number. Sad to say, she never gave it to him  and two more years went by.

In 2010 I got a call from a close friend who advised me that the Pastor's wife had died and the funeral was in May. She said I had to be there. When I was dragging my leg she told me that Jared would be there. My curiousity about him was once again tweaked and I decided to go.  Really, the main reason was to see Jared and link up with my good friend.  I can use her name Colleen she won't mind.

When I walked in all eyes were on me. I held my head high and went to the extreme back and sat there joining in the worship service.  While there I felt this prompting to go and view the body so I went.  Of course he was there. When I saw him I hugged him and it was as if all the love I had for him for all those years just rose from its hiding place and transported me back in time. The love of my life was here! We hugged and he told me that he wanted to see me before I left. Well, I never got to see him. I went back home.

I began to tell my friend Thea about him and she encouraged me to try to find him.  Well I got a call the following morning from him and we talked for 6 hours on the telephone. He asked if I had married, how many children I had, if I lived alone... You know those questions a guy gives a girl.

We were back together and he decided that he wanted to get married and set the date for February 14, 2011, my daughter's birthday. He had no money but the skill that he possessed could earn him half a million dollars in one job.  So I financed everything. He even encouraged me saying that he would never let me be in wants but he was going through a dry patch and work would soon be available. Of course I checked what he said and I was told that this was true.

He took me to Negril to meet his sister and nieces and there all hell broke loose.  Imagine, I had paid for the private wedding, my gown, my bridal party's gowns and then his sister wanted me to put off the wedding because her boyfriend had died. Even the nieces came down hard on me that weekend. I stood my ground and refused to budge from it.

It should be noted that my father was to be buried on February 13 but I was still willing to go with him to Negril on the 11th.  I decided against putting off the wedding and he bagan to cry saying that I did not care about him or I would postpone the wedding seeing that his family members would not be there. I told him that he was being unfair because from we met all I have been doing is giving and all he did was take and take and kept on taking.

When I went home, he called me and we began to quarrel and I got upset (the night before the wedding) and told him it was off.  I called my parents and of course everyone tried to patch it up between us. Alright, we made up and he said that he would see me the next day. Now this man was a Pastor who had two babies in one year, broke as anything and I was still willing to take him as my husband. His ex-wife went abroad and served him divorce papers while overseas leaving him with the baby. He is a sweet child. I love him dearly. Love is really blind.

Well, when I went to the Registrar he just did not turn up.  The family called him and he made several excuses but he did not turn up. My brother took me home, packed my stuff and took me back to his home and I am there since.  So to top it off, I paid all this money for a wedding that he knew he would not be attending.

When I went to the bank to withdraw my salary the teller told me that no money was in the account.  He stole my midas, accessed my pin and cleaned me out.  He did not even leave fare for me to go home and although he knew that my child needed a pair of school shoes he cleaned me out anyway without remorse. My daughter cried herself to sleep.

I went to the bank and reported the matter and it was handed over to Fraud Squad but I believe the reason why nothing came out of it was because he had friends in the Police force who assisted him. I went to bed asking God why? Why me?  He said it was His will but it was not the season. This will be the name of the book when it is completed.

I think in myself I blamed God and myself for this mess. I backslid in my heart and did things that I know was wrong. It took me all of 9 months before my heart could give me to return to God and to church. But you know what, I learned that God is forgiving, loving and just. It was with this spirit and heart that I forgave Jared who had texted me some indecent things and verbal threats.  I tell you, God is wonderful.  This man never saw stealing my money as wrong, he said that much. He never saw the verbal abuse as wrong and still he was a Pastor.  I felt so depressed that I cant even begin to explain.  I went to the opposite direction the Lord wanted me to go in no time.

Now my child and I are fine. I have found my way back to God and I am happy.

This is the story that I plan to tell young ladies and men in the churches that I visit.  I want to let them know that they should seek God's will first for their lives before entering into any relationship like this.  I was devastated but on the outside I was calm and cool.  I wanted to kill him but I remained calm.

My mother and I visited his father and we were told that he said that a woman wanted to marry him but he is not in the marrying thing. He never even told his father that everything was paid for. His father apologised to me so many times that I could not help but kiss him on the cheek. Jared also stole my beautiful curtains and a teddy bear that I bought for my daughter on her 8th birthday that sang "I just called to say I love you".

Well, he caused me to be stronger and I am a  much better person for it.  I can smile about it even when others say I was a  fool to spend my money on a broke man and to allow him access to my money. We were to be married in two days time why shouldnt I trust him with things like that. I guess I am seeing love for what it is - love.  I loved and failed twice with this guy. I say if he could throw me over the first time why not a second time?

Recently, Jared sent me a text requesting me to pray for him.  He said that he is at an edge of the cliff and he cant take any more sorrows and he doesnt know that the next move will be - devastation.  I told him that I would pray for him but he must remember that to every ying there is a yang, work there is pay and to every action there is a reaction.  He never texted me again.

Praise God I am free!! Young people beware! Seek God first in all that you do. Remember He loves you and if He took me back, as a matter of fact, He never left me, He will do the same for you.  While you are praying remember me in your prayers because I need it and God bless you.