Deception

Wouldn’t it be grand
To be left alone?
Wouldn’t it be  a wonder
To not remember your guilt?
Locking myself in a freezing room
And to be thinking
“Better in here…
Than out there.”
Shivering and pulling a blanket close,
I realize it smells like home.
Breathing in the scent,
Of memories of long ago.
Wishing I could go back
To before I started
To learn life lessons
I had no desire to learn.
From the Valentines Day
That ended my childhood
To the sickness
That is slowly destroying
My oldest friend.
Everything I’ve done wrong
I didn’t do on purpose.
When I act that way
It’s not to spite you
And how I feel,
Goes way deeper
Then just that.